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  1. #51
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I'm going to sort of pull ideas from what dissonance and CzeCze have said here and combine/play with them.

    As an introvert, I consider the inner workings of my psyche, whether they be thoughts or feelings, my personal, mostly private, property. Going around with them all hanging out would be something like the equivalent of walking into a department store buck naked and maybe disemboweled. So when someone else is hanging out all over like that, I feel a kind of empathic embarrassment. I think I'm fairly comfortable with my emotions, but they are my emotions and not for public/general consumption the majority of the time.

    Human beings are hardwired as social animals to have at least a minimal level of empathy and when someone goes around emoting all over the place, they impose on the emotional state of those around them. Some people are more okay with both sides of the equation than others. I, like heart, don't mind so much when it's someone close to me, because the relationship merits that level of disclosure and investment of emotional energy.

    OTOH, I'm probably not going to get very close to someone who is constantly exploding emotions everywhere because it is too much of an intrusion on my own inner calm. In order to not have my own equilibrium upended, I have to mentally block that person and you can't have a very close relationship with someone you've empathically blocked.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
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  2. #52
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    Hmm interesting topic. I don't think I am embarrassed by displays of emotion in others. People quite frequently display quite intense emotion in front of me and I'm pretty much always comfortable with it. Perhaps I might feel embarrassed if I knew that the person themselves felt embarrassed or subsequently would, but that would be through empathy rather than me thinking the display of emotion was inherently embarrassing. I think release of emotions can be beneficial and cathartic, so I probably see emotional displays as a positive thing if they are a release of pent up feelings. Whereas I am comfortable with the feelings of others, I probably have a tendency to feel a bit embarrassed when I personally display emotions. I appreciate that's a bit of hypocrisy on my part though, and have been told that more than once

    I agree with a lot of what CzeCze said. I wonder if perhaps some of the reason the NT feels uncomfortable with emotional displays is a lack of comfort with their own emotions, which they project into other situations. NT's are often fairly used to being competent and proficient at things, yet when they encounter emotions, a lot of NT's I know feel paralysed. I was hurt recently by an NT who basically didn't respond to something I'd said when I was upset, and I presumed that he just didn't care. Then another piece of his behaviour demonstrated he definitely must care, and I challenged him on it, and he apologised and said that he'd not known what to say. That NT helplessness sometimes seems to be characterised by a belief that they somehow have to solve the situation, whereas actually when people display emotions often they just one someone to listen and sympathise. [Disclaimer - incase that sounds overly patronising, NT's are probably who I feel most comfortable speaking to when upset, so I am not saying you're all rubbish at dealing with displays of emotion!]

  3. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I am pretty sure this topic has come up before, but as I am lazy and the forum search tool gives me the same results when I type in "shit" as when I type in "emotion", I think it is safe for me to go ahead and post this.

    Are you embarrassed by open displays of emotion?
    Yes, esp. in public.

    I remember once there were these women I was supervising at work and they started hugging and crying over something. I was so disturbed that they were going to involve me I went out for coffee.

    I don't drink coffee.

  4. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Minako-bot View Post
    In this scenario, I'd be annoyed because it's an inappropriate environment to hash out emotions. I carry a book and psp everywhere though. If I really want to detach, I don't have a problem doing so. In fact, if people are downright arguing, I'm highly likely to do so.
    That's a good idea.

    Quote Originally Posted by Minako-bot View Post
    Oh dear. That's a train wreck. I would've walked out too.
    Oh it was certainly a train wreck. I was actually pretty angry afterwards because I felt like the class was a huge waste of time that I couldn't escape. Who structures an academic class that way? Whatever pedagogical style it was that they were going for wasn't working for me at all.

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I, like heart, don't mind so much when it's someone close to me, because the relationship merits that level of disclosure and investment of emotional energy.
    Yes, having to deal with emotional outpourings is unavoidable in intimate relationships. I still try to avoid it if I can, though, at least for my part.

    Quote Originally Posted by strawberryfields View Post
    I agree with a lot of what CzeCze said. I wonder if perhaps some of the reason the NT feels uncomfortable with emotional displays is a lack of comfort with their own emotions, which they project into other situations. NT's are often fairly used to being competent and proficient at things, yet when they encounter emotions, a lot of NT's I know feel paralysed. I was hurt recently by an NT who basically didn't respond to something I'd said when I was upset, and I presumed that he just didn't care. Then another piece of his behaviour demonstrated he definitely must care, and I challenged him on it, and he apologised and said that he'd not known what to say. That NT helplessness sometimes seems to be characterised by a belief that they somehow have to solve the situation, whereas actually when people display emotions often they just one someone to listen and sympathise. [Disclaimer - incase that sounds overly patronising, NT's are probably who I feel most comfortable speaking to when upset, so I am not saying you're all rubbish at dealing with displays of emotion!]
    I have offended people this way in the past. I'm not sure, however, that this is only an NT thing. I think it's safer to generalize to most introverts.

    Quote Originally Posted by MacGuffin View Post
    Yes, esp. in public.

    I remember once there were these women I was supervising at work and they started hugging and crying over something. I was so disturbed that they were going to involve me I went out for coffee.

    I don't drink coffee.
    LOL. I would've left too.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I have offended people this way in the past. I'm not sure, however, that this is only an NT thing. I think it's safer to generalize to most introverts.
    Hmm I'd have to disagree. The person I was referring to is a polar extrovert. Perhaps it's universal to most T's, not just NT's, but I would suspect ST's might attempt to say something whereas NT's would be liable to say nothing if they felt they had nothing helpful to offer. NT's are perhaps most reserved in externally expressing emotion too, so even if they did empathise with someone they might not show it visibly, which could be read as indifference too. I don't think there's much differentiation between introverts and extroverts I know in their ability to comfortably handle the emotions of others. In fact if anything, I think the introverts I know are maybe better at it, in general.
    Last edited by cafe; 07-12-2008 at 06:37 PM. Reason: fixed quote

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    Quote Originally Posted by strawberryfields View Post
    Hmm I'd have to disagree. The person I was referring to is a polar extrovert. Perhaps it's universal to most T's, not just NT's, but I would suspect ST's might attempt to say something whereas NT's would be liable to say nothing if they felt they had nothing helpful to offer. NT's are perhaps most reserved in externally expressing emotion too, so even if they did empathise with someone they might not show it visibly, which could be read as indifference too. I don't think there's much differentiation between introverts and extroverts I know in their ability to comfortably handle the emotions of others. In fact if anything, I think the introverts I know are maybe better at it, in general.
    You may be right. I was trying to account for all the NF's who expressed having had similar feelings towards the emotional displays of others as I.
    Last edited by Orangey; 07-12-2008 at 06:51 PM. Reason: fixed quote. ok . . . maybe I didn't fix it
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  7. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    That's a good idea.
    It works. Even if your really not reading or playing the psp, looking as if you are keeps people away.

  8. #58
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    Interesting thread. Especially CzeCze's comments. I think she is right, it is the 'burden of expectation' that creates the problem for NTs.
    This is why we need ENFPs: to explain us to us!

    I am conflicted on this topic.
    On the one hand, I admire people who can be open and honest about how they feel, because I am a bit of a coward in such matters and I recognize it as a failing on my part. I also find enthusiasm and passion in others appealing.

    On the other, it can really creep me out and disgust me - if it goes too far. I'm not sure where that invisible dividing line is, at what point it stops being charming and starts being mawkish and barf-inducing. Or whether this is a subconscious reaction to perceived disingenuousness? I can usually handle anger/aggression better than soppy/teary. Perhaps I just see hostile emotions as being more sincere.....because I am so in touch with my own hostility....

    I can't be around people given to emotional displays for very long, I find it draining. But equally being around people who are too cool and detached can be frustrating and demotivating.

    Basically, I think I'm trying to say being around people mostly sucks.
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  9. #59
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    I find this a very interesting thread, as I never understood why people were so against emotion in public. Very enlightening.

    I'm sure it's no surprise that I'm with Cze Cze and CC on this one.

    I was also wondering if this is also linked to intimate subject matter. I have no problem talking about personal stuff in order to share experiences and get different perspectives, but I know plenty of people who consider that taboo or private.

    edit: I do feel uncomfortable when it is me displaying an emotion I know others are awkward with and I cannot stop.
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  10. #60
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    ^ yes. NTs are basically all just 11yr-old boys at heart.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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