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[INTJ] Why do people hate INTJs?

W

WhoCares

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I wonder what your perception is of ESFJs?

I've only met one, (male) funnily enough I find us both to be quite similar in our insistence on perfection from others. He at a first glance thought I was judgemental purely because of my facal expression. I thought he was a pretentious bitch. But we have more in common than we realised and actually work together really well because we give each other space. Trusting that we are both anal about the little things creates a strange kind of bond. I respect the fact that even if we dont share intuition I can still understand his drive and his need for perfection, we have that in common. Now an ESFP, there is a person I can find no common ground with. My last boyfriend was one of those and he came across as an empty shell, all froth and no substance. He was cute though and it was amusing enough for a little while.
 

chubber

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I've only met one, (male) funnily enough I find us both to be quite similar in our insistence on perfection from others. He at a first glance thought I was judgemental purely because of my facal expression. I thought he was a pretentious bitch. But we have more in common than we realised and actually work together really well because we give each other space. Trusting that we are both anal about the little things creates a strange kind of bond. I respect the fact that even if we dont share intuition I can still understand his drive and his need for perfection, we have that in common. Now an ESFP, there is a person I can find no common ground with. My last boyfriend was one of those and he came across as an empty shell, all froth and no substance. He was cute though and it was amusing enough for a little while.

Yeah I was afraid that my Ni would seek a deeper connection. Where as with the ESFP you talk one moment "squirrel" off they go. So I have to pace my "squirrel" self to get through "squirrel" to them. They are adorable. The ESFJs, well it's their criticism (perfectionism) that is going to drive me into an early grave.
 

ameeker

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Well, INTJs aren't as silly and are sometimes a killjoy. They can't relate much with NFs. And they always have to be right.
 

ameeker

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Now an ESFP, there is a person I can find no common ground with. My last boyfriend was one of those and he came across as an empty shell, all froth and no substance. He was cute though and it was amusing enough for a little while.

This is why my INTJ dad and my ESFP ex hated each other's guts. *sigh* It was destined for failure.
 
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This is why my INTJ dad and my ESFP ex hated each other's guts. *sigh* It was destined for failure.

I think it is difficult for these two to get along. INTJs naturally seek the qualities of planning and internal drive in others as that is what they appreciate about themselves. I personally see little value in experiencing something for the sake of it which seems to be what the ESFP in my life valued. There is very little commonality between the two except that one adds a bit liveliness to the other's life, but that is a very short term diversion for the INTJ. I suspect what you father was seeing as lacking in your ex was the ability to create a viable (read, stable, secure, responsible) future with you. Your ex probably came off as incredibly flakey to your dad.
 

ameeker

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Yes, he was quite violently opposed to my ex. And vice versa.
 

ceecee

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Yes, he was quite violently opposed to my ex. And vice versa.

I can understand this completely. I have no issue with NF's, I'm married to one but he is a J, not a P. In my experience, P's are great friends but not beyond that.
 

Coriolis

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No one hates INTJs more than they hate themselves.
That would be reassuring, since we don't actually hate ourselves. It is more accurate to say that no one is more critical of us than we ourselves are. People don't appreciate this, though, since we tend to be critical of them as well, and that understandably is what catches their attention.

It's tough when your personality isn't popular.
Only if you care about popularity. Since we generally don't, it's much less of an issue.

Plus, we can become popular very quickly when the s*** really hits the fan and no one else knows what to do.
 

chubber

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Only if you care about popularity. Since we generally don't, it's much less of an issue.

Plus, we can become popular very quickly when the s*** really hits the fan and no one else knows what to do.

Not going to disagree with you, but when that happens we look great. However it doesn't always happen and the rest of the time you have to deal with the comments thrown at you as to why you are so different from the rest. It becomes tiresome. It is really nice to go online and find the few that are like you, even though it is spread out over countries. I just find it strange how everyone says they ran into an INTJ... I wish I could, cause then I could see my personality from the outside compared to others.
 

Coriolis

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Not going to disagree with you, but when that happens we look great. However it doesn't always happen and the rest of the time you have to deal with the comments thrown at you as to why you are so different from the rest. It becomes tiresome. It is really nice to go online and find the few that are like you, even though it is spread out over countries. I just find it strange how everyone says they ran into an INTJ... I wish I could, cause then I could see my personality from the outside compared to others.
Do you really know no other INTJs in person? I know several. I think the most important thing I have learned from this is how different we all are, even within the type. Upbringing, culture, and age all are strong influences, plus more no doubt that I am not identifying discretely.

As for dealing with the comments of others: what kind of comments do you get, and how do you feel you need to respond? I generally ignore anything that doesn't contain constructive feedback or specific request.
 

chubber

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Do you really know no other INTJs in person? I know several. I think the most important thing I have learned from this is how different we all are, even within the type. Upbringing, culture, and age all are strong influences, plus more no doubt that I am not identifying discretely.

As for dealing with the comments of others: what kind of comments do you get, and how do you feel you need to respond? I generally ignore anything that doesn't contain constructive feedback or specific request.

Mostly from family, my dad, that always complains about me thinking to far ahead into the future. That I don't care about things that they care about. They know what is best for me, whatever I am thinking is the wrong way of thinking. Why I "talk to my self" and why that is bad. Why my standards are too high and I should be happy with what they consider to be good enough for me. That I should show enthusiasm when everyone is happy, when I don't care, or even better, place them in front of my firing squad.
 

Coriolis

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Mostly from family, my dad, that always complains about me thinking to far ahead into the future. That I don't care about things that they care about. They know what is best for me, whatever I am thinking is the wrong way of thinking. Why I "talk to my self" and why that is bad. Why my standards are too high and I should be happy with what they consider to be good enough for me. That I should show enthusiasm when everyone is happy, when I don't care, or even better, place them in front of my firing squad.
A great example of the difference in upbringing, but not so good for you. My (SJ) parents were just the opposite. They encouraged me to reach for ambitious goals and "be all I could be", to paraphrase the Army recruiters. I think they were continually surprised by what I could do, even when relatively young, and learned to trust my judgment (and even take advantage of it) and let me go my own way. They even learned to care about the things I cared about and got interested in.
 

chubber

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A great example of the difference in upbringing, but not so good for you. My (SJ) parents were just the opposite. They encouraged me to reach for ambitious goals and "be all I could be", to paraphrase the Army recruiters. I think they were continually surprised by what I could do, even when relatively young, and learned to trust my judgment (and even take advantage of it) and let me go my own way. They even learned to care about the things I cared about and got interested in.

Unfortunately one cannot choose one's parents. I had no say in how I could choose my subjects, which meant my strategy couldn't play out. My mother was encouraging, but my father was the dictator. Even last night, when I told him about me dating outside of my race. All the fears and paranoia got out and I was verbally attacked with what ifs and recalling what other people did, how bad it was for them and all the money and culture blah blah BS that I had to deal with yesterday. So I just told him, I AM INTJ. I think differently to you and then I went into the functions. But we argue about everything from cars to people. So it's only a matter of time when he will nag me again.
 

Coriolis

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Unfortunately one cannot choose one's parents. I had no say in how I could choose my subjects, which meant my strategy couldn't play out. My mother was encouraging, but my father was the dictator. Even last night, when I told him about me dating outside of my race. All the fears and paranoia got out and I was verbally attacked with what ifs and recalling what other people did, how bad it was for them and all the money and culture blah blah BS that I had to deal with yesterday. So I just told him, I AM INTJ. I think differently to you and then I went into the functions. But we argue about everything from cars to people. So it's only a matter of time when he will nag me again.
What types are your parents? Are you in college now? The highlighted sounds like a real problem.
 

chubber

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What types are your parents? Are you in college now? The highlighted sounds like a real problem.

No, that happened to be when I was in high school. I had to do one extra year in college to work around that problem.

I have't been able to type them since I don't feel confident enough yet to know each type in depth. My dad did talk about MBTI, but he changed his mind every time, so to me that isn't worthy of mentioning. When I have learned enough, I will try to make an accurate assessment.
 
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