If INTJs are such hellish types, why does the ENFP-INTJ fetish thread exist? Could one argue: those who have a preference for ENFP are masochistic?
Because INTJs aren't just NiTe. They have Fi. And because ENFPs are less...bothered by social norms and flex in order to indulge their curiosity as to the aberration in approach that an INTJ has compared to others.
Iow, mine was an asshole and I was curious to find out why. Had he stayed an asshole though, he'dve suffered the same consequences he suffers from others as well with me. He didn't and I saw a glimpse of what was underneath. It was worth it to me to dig it out, be the one to flex on the social front, and give him the some leniency. In the end though, I had to install a quid pro quo system in order for us to keep talking, as he kept demanding - yes demanding - information on me, without ever being willing to share any on him. I couldve walked away but I explained him the inherent unfairness there, and he considered me worth the effort to accept the new rules of the quid pro quo system.
How many times does an INTJ extend that kind of courtesy, do you think? And how many times does the other person not exactly feel it is their fucking job every gorram time to flex and facilitate the conversation?
As for your masochistic comment - no, I don't think we are, we're just naturally adaptive to individual quirks coz it is part of what we re intrigued by. ENFPs too will eventually smack an INTJ that keeps treating them in that way. It's one thing to give the benefit of the doubt and invest in someone. It is another not to cut your losses. At some point, you either take the dive or we go our separate ways. Social bonds are give and take, not just a resource to deplete.
Furthermore, if one type of person 'makes' another type of person feel like a moron, you'd think they would stay as far away from them as possible. On the other hand, no one can make you feel like a moron—you have to give them permission.
The fact that INTJs often focus on the big picture and are rather aggressive in their way of going about obtaining the goal. Most people are...well, cooperative and therefore sensitive to that aggressive rallying of the troups to get the goal accomplished. Criticism is something that is taken on board, for the benefit of that same group, so you suck it up and try harder.
In other words, it is not coz intjs aren't usually sensitive to that push and that group feel they get to consider that the standard that everyone should keep and shove everyone around without expecting to get flak for it. Sure, in some situations, that 'immunity' grants you certain perks. it also makes you miss out on a lot, and gets you in heaps of trouble other times. A cost benefit analysis once they are aware of this is something they should surely consider making.
And finally, what is it with those who claim "authenticity" is at their core, but when it comes to having a preference for INTJ, those people are not permitted to be authentic? Frankly, that smacks of hypocrisy. Does it make sense to complain about hammers because they strike nails? It's what they're designed to do.
Learn to differentiate between when your hammer attack is actually effective for the task at hand and when perhaps gloves are warranted. I struggled with this a long time as well, as I was developing Fi, but the truth is that while that authenticity is a wonderful thing - and something I treasure in my communications with INTJs, especially one on one, and even here, in this thread, coz lets face it, i am hammering those guys back right now - it just aint useful in mobilising and organising big groups of people.
Due to the influx of people in a large group, there is no room for in depth authenticity. Much like Te cannot wait for Ti to figure out every little nook and cranny - as interesting and vital as it can be in the planning process-, Fe cannot wait for Fi to fully explore every nook and cranny of authenticity within each individuals soul. Not if they want to get the shit done that they are good at getting done.
In short, I aint asking INTjs not to be themselves, I'm merely explaining to them how their inherent style might be perceived as threatening and intimidating, what causes it, and how it can be softened to get the results they might need to obtain in the social sphere. Nowhere do I say that they have to change who they are, I'm merely holding up a mirror and pointing out the things they were asking for. It is up to them to decide if it is worth learning *how* to address the issues I brought up in order to actually communicate their true self - coz lets face it, the perception of them being threatening predators is seriously wrong - better to the public, in a way that will cause less miscommunication.
Some concrete workable examples are for instance:
- Making an effort to pay attention and indicate attention and focus to the person you are talking to, instead of just the situation you re trying to address
- Curbing their frustration at the requests for additional information and identifying what information the person in front of them actually needs to aid them optimally
- Actively asking for feedback from the other person(s) in order to follow up on how the communication line is holding up.
Note that I did not suggest the following:
- Be able at all times to quantify the data Ni has provided and be capable of explaining this to people always, even when you feel it would be to the detriment of the situation in need of handling
- Learn to use Fe, and do an indept study of social protocol
- Fake liking others so they'll like you back, and wear a mask as to who you are and what yo ucan do to spare other people's egos.
- Be a group animal like the rest of us.
It is about optimising communication to efficiently address problems that may arise from your personal preferences in life while honouring those gifts by getting them the support and free reign that makes em blossom. And that should be right up to Te's alley.
And deliberately withholding information can save your life.
No doubt, but then don't expect the rest of the group to feel grateful for not bothering to create good will at all. This *IS* a choice you make and the consequences are fully yours. Iow, if you expect other people's cooperation, respect and willingness to give you the benefit of the doubt, you'd better be willing to share.
One does not have to accept the invitation or even sit down. You have a choice.
Frankly, it doesn't feel like it when you re put in that spot due to the urgency and importance they exude wrt addressing the situation.
lol phew. 
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