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  1. #1
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    Default Surviving in a Feeling-dominant culture

    How do you do it? I feel like I'm trying to communicate with aliens sometimes, though I've largely given up communicating at all about anything substantial. The worst problem for me seems to be that people assume something's wrong if I don't display enthusiasm. And they expect a certain level of it almost constantly. That's impossible for me. For the most part, I just *do not* express emotion easily (unless the stimuli is extreme), and plus, I don't get excited about the same things that most people do. The difference in my emotional reactions themselves is sometimes even more alienating to them (and vice versa) than my lack of "sufficient" reaction in general.

    I don't think I really care, on the whole, but it does seem to put me at a disadvantage, and it's something I'd like to learn to work around, if possible.

    Of course, there are many other obstacles to living in an F-dom culture. The hysterical sanctimoniousness of other conservatives generally makes me give them a wide berth, and I'm currently considering leaving the Republican party for the Libertarians. I'm fiscally conservative, but socially and morally moderate-liberal. But I tend to think a vote for the Libertarians is a vote wasted, or effectively, applied to the Democrats. This is just one more example.

    What other obstacles have you experienced? And most importantly, have you found ways to deal with them?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    I struggle sometimes with polite conversation. It's like a trap. People get very aggressive and there hostility doesn't upset me. But when I match their pace/volume it bothers them and they want to stop talking. They're rejection if the conversation frustrates and saddens me.

    Also, and it's hard to explain to some people, It really hate when people use their feelings as justification. Most feelers don't understand that. Especially NFs feel that they and others are entitled to an opinion. I think people are only entitled to opinions they can support with evidence or reason. Calling them out on that mainly result in them thinking your an asshole who is dismissive or a totalitarian. I just want an explanation.

    Finally Fe/Fi hve different and equal frustrating ways of putting weight on emotions. Fis are absorbed by their own feelings. iME there's no way to get them out of a mood and they don't care how much they poop a party. Fe is the opposite in that the care so much how other people feel. Either they obsess over others or they obsess over you. Im constantly twlling my two close Fes "who cares what they think?". They also cannot just ignore my feelings. If I get mad they have to know why and make it better. They can't just let me smother it.


    All and all though I think feelers and thinkers are good for each other. We each need to learn from one another.


    Of you value the feelers on your life maybe you should try bein more emotive for their sake. They are aliens, learn to speak their language. My boyfriend is ENFJ for him it's really important to emote and process things emotionally. When I tried to get him to rationalize so he's be less upset it made him more upset because I guess he felt like it was .... I don't even really know. But he morally is he had to learn to let me process and give him emotional information in a more deliberate way and I has to learn that his emotional superstorms is actually a way for him to process. I'm internal he's very external. Because I care about him, and he cares about open emotional exchange I try to give him more of that than I would normally give out

  3. #3
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Problem for me is, that, they simply cut me off. I'm still trying to figure out how to react or at least trying to find something to be enthusiastic about.... but it is difficult. I've come to learn that I am Nerd with a huge side order of dorkiness to me. Dorks aren't considered intellectuals, Geeks and Dweeds are and a bit of Nerds I think. Anything I have that is not of value to the masses, means I'm a dork or unintelligent. I guess that is what I struggle with in my life, well part of it. I'm interested in things they are not interested in.

  4. #4

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    I am inetersted...what do you percieve as feeling domant culture? What signs did you notice, that make you feel you live in the culture of feelers?

  5. #5
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    sentimental people, people that are obsessed with political correctness. instead dealing with the issue, they cover it up with ... fill in obscene profanity words.

  6. #6
    Level 8 Propaganda Bot SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Hello Redkix,

    I feel the same way you do about the Feeling culture, more specifically people making emotional decisions about my well being and trying to "protect" me when what they are really doing is smothering me. All you have to do is look at the laws that are designed to protect a certain class of citizen by limiting the rights of others. I am also a fiscal conservative and I'm quite liberal on social issues. On a twin axis political spectrum I rate as libertarian and to the left.

    I am an INFP (one of those ebil feelers) and dare I say that we are similar in that I don't like to emote either, and I dislike feeling pressured to react emotionally to situations and circumstances when I'd rather not. We are very dissimilar in that I actually feel quite a bit and the range of oscillation is moderate.

    I'd like to suggest investigating cognitive functions, if you haven't already. Specifically, we both prefer Fi, which is to say introverted feeling. We keep it tucked away when we can. With varying degrees of success.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #7
    Senior Member anticlimatic's Avatar
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    INTJs have it rough, socially. Not only is their feeling pushed back into the tert function slot, but it's introverted feeling-- which is absolutely useless as social wheel grease. Inferior Fe is actually more useful than tertiary Fi when it comes to that, despite being a weaker form of feeling. As far as politics are concerned, be a libertarian! You can still vote republican if you want to, when the time comes. Not like your vote means a damn thing anyway.

  8. #8
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    I've always wondered why INT go on about hating other people, meanwhile wanting to be accepted by said disgusting people.

    I also adore when INTJ don't realize they are using their Fi.

    And yes a libertarian vote is a vote wasted. If you want to make a statement, throw fake blood on people, don't make symbolic meaningless votes.

    Actually, you are a conservative, so never mind, please do make symbolic meaningless votes, immediately and always.

  9. #9
    Certified Sausage Smoker Elfboy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    I've always wondered why INT go on about hating other people, meanwhile wanting to be accepted by said disgusting people.
    INTs in general do this a this

    I also adore when INTJ don't realize they are using their Fi.
    yeah, it to my INTJ bestie awhile to come to this conclusion
    @Redkix @chubber
    you're talking about an extroverted feeling dominant culture, not a feeling culture in general
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  10. #10
    Member Capsaicin's Avatar
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    Improved nonverbal communication can really help with the "you seem emotionless" thing. It doesn't necessarily need to be expressive, but reactive makes people feel like they're being properly interacted with.

    I don't mind the culture so much... until (older especially) F women start in on womanhood and what it means to be a woman. I've honestly heard that a woman as opposed to a girl is supposed to be emotional and not logical.

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