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Thread: Surviving in a Feeling-dominant culture

  1. #11
    Level 8 Scumlord Array SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    ...you're talking about an extroverted feeling dominant culture, not a feeling culture in general
    BINGO! I was trying to get around to that but didn't want to start an anti Fe derail , that and I don't know his MBTI background.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

  2. #12
    failed poetry slam career Array chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Capsaicin View Post
    Improved nonverbal communication can really help with the "you seem emotionless" thing. It doesn't necessarily need to be expressive, but reactive makes people feel like they're being properly interacted with.

    I don't mind the culture so much... until (older especially) F women start in on womanhood and what it means to be a woman. I've honestly heard that a woman as opposed to a girl is supposed to be emotional and not logical.
    I did try reading a book on body language, to help me read this nonverbal communication, also displaying more friendlier approachable body language. But I still have problems with implied words or indirectly use of words.

  3. #13
    failed poetry slam career Array chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpankyMcFly View Post
    BINGO! I was trying to get around to that but didn't want to start an anti Fe derail , that and I don't know his MBTI background.
    I've noticed that I seem to upset xxFJs the most and they all have Fe... as dominating or secondary. Ok didn't know that. I wonder how to deal with that then.

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    Level 8 Scumlord Array SpankyMcFly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by chubber View Post
    I've noticed that I seem to upset xxFJs the most and they all have Fe... as dominating or secondary. Ok didn't know that. I wonder how to deal with that then.
    Well I work with an ENFJ a ESFJ and an ENFP closely. It took me awhile to get to a comfortable understanding with the two Fe doms but I think what worked for me was to show "feeling", this they understood. By show feeling I mean I discussed things that are important to me and that I have an interest in (Fi values). Naturally I get more animated and can appear "passionate" about these things. This may seem like you are catering to them, but in the work environment it pays off to not have enemies garnering negative consensus behind your back, which is something Fe (don't we all at some time in our life?) is want to do if they don't like you. Look at it as an investment.

    One last thing, a quote which I think is appropriate: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou Tact goes a long way and it's not what you say but how you say it. When in doubt, as my ISTJ grandma used to tell me "if ya don't got nothing good to say, then don't be blabbing around"

    Take my advise with a grain of salt (sea salt to be exact) as I'm coming from an INFP perspective.
    "The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents... Some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the light into the peace and safety of a new Dark Age. " - H.P. Lovecraft

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    Aquaria Array mrcockburn's Avatar
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    You mean an Fe dominant culture. And what culture is this?
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  6. #16
    Senior Member Array danseen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    I struggle sometimes with polite conversation. It's like a trap. People get very aggressive and there hostility doesn't upset me. But when I match their pace/volume it bothers them and they want to stop talking. They're rejection if the conversation frustrates and saddens me.

    Also, and it's hard to explain to some people, It really hate when people use their feelings as justification. Most feelers don't understand that. Especially NFs feel that they and others are entitled to an opinion. I think people are only entitled to opinions they can support with evidence or reason. Calling them out on that mainly result in them thinking your an asshole who is dismissive or a totalitarian. I just want an explanation.

    Finally Fe/Fi hve different and equal frustrating ways of putting weight on emotions. Fis are absorbed by their own feelings. iME there's no way to get them out of a mood and they don't care how much they poop a party. Fe is the opposite in that the care so much how other people feel. Either they obsess over others or they obsess over you. Im constantly twlling my two close Fes "who cares what they think?". They also cannot just ignore my feelings. If I get mad they have to know why and make it better. They can't just let me smother it.


    All and all though I think feelers and thinkers are good for each other. We each need to learn from one another.


    Of you value the feelers on your life maybe you should try bein more emotive for their sake. They are aliens, learn to speak their language. My boyfriend is ENFJ for him it's really important to emote and process things emotionally. When I tried to get him to rationalize so he's be less upset it made him more upset because I guess he felt like it was .... I don't even really know. But he morally is he had to learn to let me process and give him emotional information in a more deliberate way and I has to learn that his emotional superstorms is actually a way for him to process. I'm internal he's very external. Because I care about him, and he cares about open emotional exchange I try to give him more of that than I would normally give out

    I have quite a few INTP traits, but then I sometimes argue on emotion.

    I think logic to some extent is overrated, since emotion is IMO just as important.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Array danseen's Avatar
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    As an INTP, I due value reason to judge things, but then probably I have naturally strong emotional capabilities. I think sometimes "i didn't like that because it hurt me" or "I did x because it made me happy" are good enough justifications for anything.

    And these even can be broken down into logical points. People don't like pain and generally value happiness over pain.

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    Senior Member Array Pseudo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by danseen View Post
    As an INTP, I due value reason to judge things, but then probably I have naturally strong emotional capabilities. I think sometimes "i didn't like that because it hurt me" or "I did x because it made me happy" are good enough justifications for anything.

    And these even can be broken down into logical points. People don't like pain and generally value happiness over pain.
    What if their happiness comes from giving other people pain? It woul be find to not apply logic to your decisions if they would never affect anyone else. But they do.

  9. #19
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    I've always found it strange that people dont consider libertarianism or fiscal conservatism to be F-Dom, I do, they are totally F-Dom when the possibility of any free loader or free rider problems enter into their minds.

    Anyway, in some senses I dont believe that the world is F-Dom at all, at least as a T-Dom I would like to be able to integrate and use F far more, I look at members of the forum who have done or do it well like @fidelia, @Aquarelle or @Peguy with, I'll admit it, a little envy sometimes.

    I also think the world would be a better place if it was F-Dom properly understood, I agree with Erich Fromm that the world is pretty repressed when it comes to feelings and feeling per se. So you get a lot of sentimentality, phony feelings, feelings on que and its like everyone is a performance artist or actor. That's when its not all spilling out in outbursts, emoting and in a disordered or disorderly fashion.

    That. The outbursts and such. That really happens and it really bothers me. Bothers me even more since I've studied it and have a lot of insight into myself and others in respect of it.

    I encounter people daily and think "Awh fuck, I'm going to have to co-regulate your emotional state for you and get you back to base line or some sort of balance before we're even going to be able to talk/get anything done" or "Awh fuck, really? Now? You decide an outburst is a good idea now? Right, that'll be a good hour or two before we can get to the point we should have been in to think and problem solve right now".

    Its probably part of getting old but I really do think people should get a grip. The world has got a lot of people who've become used to other people doing things for them, it maybe was things like feeding them, preparing food for them etc. but its crossed over into managing their very moods. Madness.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mrcockburn View Post
    You mean an Fe dominant culture. And what culture is this?


    Very good, I saw what you did there.

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