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  1. #1
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Default T vs F. When a rock meets a squishy place

    For those of you dominant thinking types who have close relations with dominant feeler types do you feel like you ever don't have enough to satisfy their emotional needs? Like they not only want you to be concerned with their feeling but are also so concerned with you feelings, even when it you'd prefer to just ignore your feelings entirely? Or they attribute great meaning momentary feelings you would just shrug off or designate unimportant. Do you think Fe people attempt to "get a rise out of you", not maliciously but because they assume that you are hiding your feelings. Do you experience the problem of them interpreting your attempts to remain calm and stifle frustrations (thinking that not showing anger to them is kinder) as an unwillingness to engage?

    Basically how do you resolve feelings between people who think attention to subject human feelings solve problems and people who feel subjective human feelings cause problems?

  2. #2
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    Probably mostly a to d Fe Dom thang

  3. #3
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    Buuuuuaaaaaaammmmmmpppp!!

    Wahhh

  4. #4
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    I have this problem constantly, and I'm getting to the point where I don't think it can be resolved. Worse, I think that modern psychology actually perpetuates bias against Thinkers - what you said about making assumptions about an "unwillingness to engage" is probably a pretty common one.

    I think that, to some extent, it's inevitable for Ts and Fs to have different values. Much of society takes Feeling values for granted, which frustrates me to no end. But unless we can substantially change the culture - and educating people may play a part, but can we change people? - I don't know what we can do but learn to live around it. I'm still not quite sure what makes one a T and another an F; that would be a discussion for another thread, but to what extent can "nurture" determine/shape one's personality? And how much conscious control do we have over the use of our functions as adults? A Thinker cannot become a Feeler, no matter how much either one tries. At the end of the day, I don't think most people would want to change the order of their functions if they could. At least, not entirely. I will admit that I'd love to be an ENTJ instead of an INTJ. But an ENFJ? Not on your life.

    I myself just posted another thread about how some T-F issues can be worked around, but as far as getting the other person to see really be OK with you as you are... I don't know. I'm working on that myself - interestingly, fiction writing sometimes helps me "get inside" another person in a way that I can't do otherwise. I find myself writing about the T-F conflict quite a bit, but I'm still a long way from realizing how to resolve the whole tangled mess.

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