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  1. #1
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Default How can I get better and networking with out waning to kill myself.

    The problem is such:

    1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

    2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

    How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)

  2. #2
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    The problem is such:

    1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

    2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

    How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)
    extrovert here but yep no...like a $2 whore for sure. i detest it. and i need to do it for my business but instead i mostly occupy my time doing contract for other people because i just fucking hate selling myself.

    is there some social media marketing you could do? email marketing etc? it feels easier that way.

    talk to me about what kind of networking you're doing...like social functions with people in your field etc?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
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  3. #3
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    extrovert here but yep no...like a $2 whore for sure. i detest it. and i need to do it for my business but instead i mostly occupy my time doing contract for other people because i just fucking hate selling myself.

    is there some social media marketing you could do? email marketing etc? it feels easier that way.

    talk to me about what kind of networking you're doing...like social functions with people in your field etc?
    Basically trying to get started in my career and so far haven't gotten and response from apply online and sending resumes various places. I'm also in a new city where I don't know anyone. My ENFJ boyfriend suggest I go to places on person and try networking with people I meet in creative venues or asking if I can show things in local coffe shops ect.

    For whatever reason my brain things o those as suicide missions. Unsolicited interaction with people, bothering them for a job that may not exist? Ahhhh!

    I've never been good at makin friends, it's paralysing. And adding the idea of getting people I meet to help me find work just feels so horrible and shaming and scary. ENFJ has tol me over and over that people don't think that way but it just seems gross.

    So the focus is just interacting, sharing, follow up....seems easy...but just typing it is making my chest tighten up.

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    Basically trying to get started in my career and so far haven't gotten and response from apply online and sending resumes various places. I'm also in a new city where I don't know anyone. My ENFJ boyfriend suggest I go to places on person and try networking with people I meet in creative venues or asking if I can show things in local coffe shops ect.

    For whatever reason my brain things o those as suicide missions. Unsolicited interaction with people, bothering them for a job that may not exist? Ahhhh!

    I've never been good at makin friends, it's paralysing. And adding the idea of getting people I meet to help me find work just feels so horrible and shaming and scary. ENFJ has tol me over and over that people don't think that way but it just seems gross.

    So the focus is just interacting, sharing, follow up....seems easy...but just typing it is making my chest tighten up.
    yeah for sure i totally know...i have to do the same thing. in a city where i don't know many people either. it sucks. i'm actually in the process of talking to people that i may hire on to do it for me.

    defintely easier in a city you're comfortable in. maybe enfj guy could help?
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
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  5. #5
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    I've actually been feeling very down lately about my lack of intimate connections with people.

    There's been some folks here on TypoC, but they kind of come and go, and even when they're here, we're separated by vast distances.

    I myself am also an introvert, so making that natural jump into social contexts and being accepted can be very tricky.

    So I can't really give any advice, except to be appreciative of the people we do have that can give us hope, but I certainly can relate.

  6. #6
    Unapologetic being Evolving Transparency's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    The problem is such:

    1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

    2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

    How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)
    The only way I can network is if I know the people, which doesn't have to be that much. I find selling myself to be sickening *shivers*

    So I try to find things in common with people to start a convo and go from there. You never know where a convo can lead you. You could try some scenarios in ur head. I do that so I feel prepared.

    Also I think maybe once u get a little bit of momentum built up it builds your confidence.
    "Once the game is over, the Pawn and the King go back into the same box"

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  7. #7
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

    2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

    How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)
    I feel the same way, mostly. When I am networking intentionally, I focus on individual people, or kinds of people, and identify in advance something I want to learn from them, and something I might be able to share to their benefit. For instance, I might want their insight about how it is working for ABC Company, or what academic preparation they needed for their job. I might share information from my own work or academic background, or mention an article I read on a relevant topic.

    What I call "unintentional networking" is essentially keeping my ears open when I am out and about, especially in professional settings, for anyone who might be good to know, or might have useful information. I have generated some great ideas this way, and made unexpectedly worthwhile professional contacts and even friends.

    Bottom line: to keep it all palatable and productive, focus on your goals.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  8. #8
    Member Valis's Avatar
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    I find 'networking' causes me to become tense. I'm in a position now where I acquire contacts through networking that my direct reports make. I prefer receiving reports from them rather than making direct contact. If I have a specific goal then I will pursue people and sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised that I get along well with them.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    I would not say so, that is I would not say that it is an example of a world designed for extroverts, I like networking and thrive upon it but I find that there are embittered people in any network who will take a dislike to anyone networking without difficulty.

    Or maybe its not even as complex as that, some people do not like the fact that others do not experience the same troubles or private misery are they do and it may not be about the networking but the minute you register on their radar they will make you regret it.

    So being extroverted or enjoying networking does not translate into it being free of difficulties. Not at all.

    Maybe its less difficult, because the prospect of the tasks involved dont automatically deter or tire you out, and the threat of obstructiveness is somewhere down the line for both extroverts and introverts but that's my view. Do you think its easier to hate on extroverts and pity introverts? This is something I dont like very much, everyone, despite their own attributes, are fighting a hard struggle and its a better idea to just be kind when its an option. One life you know. Make a difference for the better.

  10. #10
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    I don't think you have to sell yourself, as people tend to get annoyed when you sing your own praises. You just need to have all the details ready, so when people begin to inquire (because you've made such a great first impression) you can present all of yourself clearly, and without sounding like the usual self-absorbed asshole. The idea is that everyone attends networking events with the same goal in mind (networking), so since that's already clear, you may as well get on with it. I don't think anyone is going to react poorly if you say that you are trying to get started on your career, and you are attending networking events to hopefully get a connection to a new job.

    But speaking to another point, networking events may not help you get a job. All they are about is the exchange of contact information and they are meant to serve as a catalyst to building mutually beneficial relationships with a group of people. You don't use the contacts to get new employment right away (unless you find out one of them is hiring), you use it to build long-term relationships where you can both benefit each other down the road. Also, the idea is to not ask or take something from another person without giving something back in return. If you just take, it will eventually bite you in the ass, or sour the relationship.

    To get a job, you'll need to get creative about putting yourself out there, possibly by doing a few free gigs for non-profits, or anything that will give you the opportunity to build your portfolio. That is, if you can't get any work even if you offer to do it for free, then just start making up and doing assignments that strengthen your portfolio. Then, once you've done that, you can begin shopping your portfolio around online or in person, or wherever.

    It's easy for the ENFJ to say just meet people in person, because they quickly develop the ability to do things like that and may not understand that it's not that easy for everyone, but you can still make it work. If you really have that much of an issue meeting people in person, then you can find sites online that showcase the work you're doing, and you can begin putting your stuff online there. Either way, I do know that just sending out resumes blindly is probably not going to work, and you need to find another way to get yourself in front of people that can eventually hire you, or that can lead you to someone that will. If you can't get any permanent jobs, then maybe you can try to find temp/contract/freelance work to help you get started and to help strengthen your resume.

    What kinda job are you trying to get?

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