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[MBTI General] How can I get better and networking with out waning to kill myself.

Pseudo

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The problem is such:

1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)
 

Lady_X

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The problem is such:

1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)
extrovert here but yep no...like a $2 whore for sure. i detest it. and i need to do it for my business but instead i mostly occupy my time doing contract for other people because i just fucking hate selling myself.

is there some social media marketing you could do? email marketing etc? it feels easier that way.

talk to me about what kind of networking you're doing...like social functions with people in your field etc?
 

Pseudo

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extrovert here but yep no...like a $2 whore for sure. i detest it. and i need to do it for my business but instead i mostly occupy my time doing contract for other people because i just fucking hate selling myself.

is there some social media marketing you could do? email marketing etc? it feels easier that way.

talk to me about what kind of networking you're doing...like social functions with people in your field etc?

Basically trying to get started in my career and so far haven't gotten and response from apply online and sending resumes various places. I'm also in a new city where I don't know anyone. My ENFJ boyfriend suggest I go to places on person and try networking with people I meet in creative venues or asking if I can show things in local coffe shops ect.

For whatever reason my brain things o those as suicide missions. Unsolicited interaction with people, bothering them for a job that may not exist? Ahhhh!

I've never been good at makin friends, it's paralysing. And adding the idea of getting people I meet to help me find work just feels so horrible and shaming and scary. ENFJ has tol me over and over that people don't think that way but it just seems gross.

So the focus is just interacting, sharing, follow up....seems easy...but just typing it is making my chest tighten up.
 

Lady_X

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Basically trying to get started in my career and so far haven't gotten and response from apply online and sending resumes various places. I'm also in a new city where I don't know anyone. My ENFJ boyfriend suggest I go to places on person and try networking with people I meet in creative venues or asking if I can show things in local coffe shops ect.

For whatever reason my brain things o those as suicide missions. Unsolicited interaction with people, bothering them for a job that may not exist? Ahhhh!

I've never been good at makin friends, it's paralysing. And adding the idea of getting people I meet to help me find work just feels so horrible and shaming and scary. ENFJ has tol me over and over that people don't think that way but it just seems gross.

So the focus is just interacting, sharing, follow up....seems easy...but just typing it is making my chest tighten up.

yeah for sure i totally know...i have to do the same thing. in a city where i don't know many people either. it sucks. i'm actually in the process of talking to people that i may hire on to do it for me.

defintely easier in a city you're comfortable in. maybe enfj guy could help?
 

RaptorWizard

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I've actually been feeling very down lately about my lack of intimate connections with people.

There's been some folks here on TypoC, but they kind of come and go, and even when they're here, we're separated by vast distances.

I myself am also an introvert, so making that natural jump into social contexts and being accepted can be very tricky.

So I can't really give any advice, except to be appreciative of the people we do have that can give us hope, but I certainly can relate.
 

Evo

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The problem is such:

1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)

The only way I can network is if I know the people, which doesn't have to be that much. I find selling myself to be sickening *shivers*

So I try to find things in common with people to start a convo and go from there. You never know where a convo can lead you. You could try some scenarios in ur head. I do that so I feel prepared.

Also I think maybe once u get a little bit of momentum built up it builds your confidence.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)
I feel the same way, mostly. When I am networking intentionally, I focus on individual people, or kinds of people, and identify in advance something I want to learn from them, and something I might be able to share to their benefit. For instance, I might want their insight about how it is working for ABC Company, or what academic preparation they needed for their job. I might share information from my own work or academic background, or mention an article I read on a relevant topic.

What I call "unintentional networking" is essentially keeping my ears open when I am out and about, especially in professional settings, for anyone who might be good to know, or might have useful information. I have generated some great ideas this way, and made unexpectedly worthwhile professional contacts and even friends.

Bottom line: to keep it all palatable and productive, focus on your goals.
 

Valis

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I find 'networking' causes me to become tense. I'm in a position now where I acquire contacts through networking that my direct reports make. I prefer receiving reports from them rather than making direct contact. If I have a specific goal then I will pursue people and sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised that I get along well with them.
 

Lark

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Jun 21, 2009
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I would not say so, that is I would not say that it is an example of a world designed for extroverts, I like networking and thrive upon it but I find that there are embittered people in any network who will take a dislike to anyone networking without difficulty.

Or maybe its not even as complex as that, some people do not like the fact that others do not experience the same troubles or private misery are they do and it may not be about the networking but the minute you register on their radar they will make you regret it.

So being extroverted or enjoying networking does not translate into it being free of difficulties. Not at all.

Maybe its less difficult, because the prospect of the tasks involved dont automatically deter or tire you out, and the threat of obstructiveness is somewhere down the line for both extroverts and introverts but that's my view. Do you think its easier to hate on extroverts and pity introverts? This is something I dont like very much, everyone, despite their own attributes, are fighting a hard struggle and its a better idea to just be kind when its an option. One life you know. Make a difference for the better.
 

baccheion

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I don't think you have to sell yourself, as people tend to get annoyed when you sing your own praises. You just need to have all the details ready, so when people begin to inquire (because you've made such a great first impression) you can present all of yourself clearly, and without sounding like the usual self-absorbed asshole. The idea is that everyone attends networking events with the same goal in mind (networking), so since that's already clear, you may as well get on with it. I don't think anyone is going to react poorly if you say that you are trying to get started on your career, and you are attending networking events to hopefully get a connection to a new job.

But speaking to another point, networking events may not help you get a job. All they are about is the exchange of contact information and they are meant to serve as a catalyst to building mutually beneficial relationships with a group of people. You don't use the contacts to get new employment right away (unless you find out one of them is hiring), you use it to build long-term relationships where you can both benefit each other down the road. Also, the idea is to not ask or take something from another person without giving something back in return. If you just take, it will eventually bite you in the ass, or sour the relationship.

To get a job, you'll need to get creative about putting yourself out there, possibly by doing a few free gigs for non-profits, or anything that will give you the opportunity to build your portfolio. That is, if you can't get any work even if you offer to do it for free, then just start making up and doing assignments that strengthen your portfolio. Then, once you've done that, you can begin shopping your portfolio around online or in person, or wherever.

It's easy for the ENFJ to say just meet people in person, because they quickly develop the ability to do things like that and may not understand that it's not that easy for everyone, but you can still make it work. If you really have that much of an issue meeting people in person, then you can find sites online that showcase the work you're doing, and you can begin putting your stuff online there. Either way, I do know that just sending out resumes blindly is probably not going to work, and you need to find another way to get yourself in front of people that can eventually hire you, or that can lead you to someone that will. If you can't get any permanent jobs, then maybe you can try to find temp/contract/freelance work to help you get started and to help strengthen your resume.

What kinda job are you trying to get?
 

The Great One

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The problem is such:

1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)

Just go around the room and see who you vibe with. Then try to start up a conversation with them. Let one thing lead to another and then exchange contact info.
 

Pseudo

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Just go around the room and see who you vibe with. Then try to start up a conversation with them. Let one thing lead to another and then exchange contact info.


I just don't get how the vibe works I guess. It just doesn't ever seems appropriate to talk to strangers and I don't generally have anything to say to them. I guess how do you make up stuff to talk about with people?
 

The Great One

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I just don't get how the vibe works I guess. It just doesn't ever seems appropriate to talk to strangers and I don't generally have anything to say to them. I guess how do you make up stuff to talk about with people?

Just come up to them and ask them a conversational opener question. Let me give you an example. I am a college student and meet new people at my University all the time. I just ask them standard questions that I know that they can relate to like...

1. What's your major?
2. What do you hope to do with that major?
3. Are you gonna get a masters? If so, what in?

So just find a common social nitch to talk about then just start asking questions.
 

skylights

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I hate networking, too. When I did freelancing, I would try to post up my artwork in lots of public spaces with contact info and let it speak for itself. But I wasn't relying on it to pay me living wages, so it wasn't very pressing.

My favorite method is finding someone who naturally networks - in my case an ENFJ friend - and letting them do it for you. She had 3 jobs lined up for me recently and I barely have any time to freelance at all anymore (actually, I turned 2 of them down).

Bribe your husband maybe? :D
 

Azure Flame

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The problem is such:

1.) I hate networking. On principle and because for whatever reason I am socially ill equipped. Talking to people new people is intimidating to the point of making me physically ill. "Selling myself" always feels smarmy and as an artist I dream of a world where my skills and products speak for themselves. As a result in networking situations I feel like a nauseous prostitute.

2.) I have no farming or hunting skills. So for now I must remain on the grid. Meaning I have to find a way to get work which means....networking.

How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)

Find your extroverted opposite and give them a cut of your profits for helping you network as a result.

The only reason my business stands a chance of success is because I know 3 enfj's, who know everyone.
 

Valis

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I will try to answer the original question.

Social skills can be developed. If you are not comfortable speaking, concentrate on your listening skills and ask questions when appropriate to clarify points. This demonstrates that you are actually listening. Have plenty of business cards ready so that you can exchange details. Try to quickly appraise whether someone is a time waster and move on to the next person. Make the effort to go up to people and introduce yourself. However, you can always let the extroverts come to you. Dress appropriately for the situation and try to smile :)

Building relationships with people takes time so don't worry if you don't get anything out of it immediately. Follow up the initial contact with one to one discussions where you should feel more confident.

Believe in yourself.
 

FDG

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First of all, you shouldn't network with people you don't like. Don't be closed off to new people, but if you feel like you don't have anything in common with someone, you don't have to keep on talking with them even if they may be useful for your purposes.

Secondly, you should go with a friend or colleague who is a bit more extraverted than you, so he/she can introduce both of you either to new people, or to people he/she knows, and the conversation can then start flowing more naturally.
 
W

WhoCares

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The problem is such:

How do you networking without wanting to kill yourself or other wise crawl beneath a rock and die. (As a side note is this another case of a world designed for extroverts?)

You sound like me pre-2008. There is a simple fix and one I've personally tested. Find a job working with the most sickening sycophants in a 'look at me' industry. Stay there for more than 5yrs until you develop a new personality out of insanity. You will find the 'new you' loves to draw attention to itself, be the biggest personality and gossip in the room and is a fantastic networker. The simple act of networking is a minor act of prostitution (akin to a quick blow job) compared to the live porn show which is working in PR, Marketing, Fashion or Publishing.

Artists love to believe their work stands on their own, but even the masters knew they were nothing without patronage. Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Mozart etc all prostituted themselves for the cash and 'big gigs'. They were only able to become grumpy hermits once they had secured the richest and biggest patrons and were hot right now, because of their celebrity patronage. Think about it. Artists with morals too high become monks who's genius is discovered long after they starved to death.
 
W

WhoCares

Guest
I just don't get how the vibe works I guess. It just doesn't ever seems appropriate to talk to strangers and I don't generally have anything to say to them. I guess how do you make up stuff to talk about with people?

Some no-fail openers

I like your ----, Appeal - vanity. Expect subject to now crap endlessly on about themselves giving you lots of material for further conversation.

Walk about a room and wait for someone who's crapping on about themselves at volume then interject....
Sorry, didnt mean to overhear but did you say?....OMG me too! Appeal - conformity. People like it when the world is full of other people just like them. They feel safe.

Save the awkward one. In every group setting there is always one person who drops a bone while trying to fit in. Be generous, smile and pick up what they really meant and provide an easy lead-in for them to enter the group. Appeal - hero worship. That person will be forever grateful and you'll look schmick in front of F types who's usual modus operandi is to make some catty remark before moving away as if someone farted.

:newwink:
 

Pseudo

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I would not say so, that is I would not say that it is an example of a world designed for extroverts, I like networking and thrive upon it but I find that there are embittered people in any network who will take a dislike to anyone networking without difficulty.

Or maybe its not even as complex as that, some people do not like the fact that others do not experience the same troubles or private misery are they do and it may not be about the networking but the minute you register on their radar they will make you regret it.

So being extroverted or enjoying networking does not translate into it being free of difficulties. Not at all.

Maybe its less difficult, because the prospect of the tasks involved dont automatically deter or tire you out, and the threat of obstructiveness is somewhere down the line for both extroverts and introverts but that's my view. Do you think its easier to hate on extroverts and pity introverts? This is something I dont like very much, everyone, despite their own attributes, are fighting a hard struggle and its a better idea to just be kind when its an option. One life you know. Make a difference for the better.

No hit everyone has their own struggles. My struggle is interacting with people. You as an extroverted person probably don't struggle as much with networking. Why does recognizing the differing strengths of different types have to start some kind of I/E battle. And it's not about pity but you can recognize how a system might benefit a certain type more than others. People who are personable and comfortable with interaction, who thrive off it rather than be exhausted by it, will thrive in a system that values those qualities.

Whatever sent you on this holier than thou, be the change you want see lecture, it's misguided
 
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