User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 43

  1. #1
    Senior Member autumnandtherain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    186

    Default INTJ/INFJ relationships

    Anyone had any experience and insight on how INTJs and INFJs work together romantically?

    I'm interested in an INTJ and was wondering what you look for in a relationship, how you express romantic interest in someone, etc. I know not all of you INTJs are heartless cynics.

  2. #2
    violaine
    Guest

    Default

    I'm an INFJ with an INTJ. It is amazing. We were friends before being in a relationship. It was like an alchemical change took place in him when his feelings for me hit him.

    We have an incredible amount in common. We also have enough difference to keep things interesting. We're actually really different in a lot of ways, but somehow we end up at exactly the same place together. It's the best relationship I've been in. I am not restless in any way. Restlessness is an undercurrent I have had to deal with quite a lot in past relationships as they weren't right for me in every way. My INTJ and I connect on all levels. (MMV, I'm not speaking for any other INJs in relationships).

  3. #3
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    JINX
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    5,743

    Default

    I assume this is how it works:

    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  4. #4
    Senior Member autumnandtherain's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    186

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by violaine View Post
    I'm an INFJ with an INTJ. It is amazing. We were friends for a long time before being in a relationship. It was like an alchemical change took place in him when his feelings for me hit him.

    We have an incredible amount in common. We also have enough difference to keep things interesting. We're actually really different in a lot of ways, but somehow we end up at exactly the same place together. It's the best relationship I've been in. I am not restless in any way. Restlessness is an undercurrent I have had to deal with quite a lot in past relationships as they weren't right for me in every way. My INTJ and I connect on all levels. (MMV, I'm not speaking for any other INJs in relationships).
    Hmmm, interesting. That's almost exactly how I'd describe my relationship with this INTJ (except that we're not dating yet), but everything about having things in common while still being interesting, ending up at the same place, connecting on all levels, is spot on. We're very good friends at the moment but we talk all the time (and from what I've heard from a few other INTJs, they don't waste time on others people they don't enjoy being around)...

    I'm curious to get a few opinions though. Everything I've heard about relationships with INTJs seem to be from opposite ends of the spectrum... Either it's been a very good relationship based on mutual understanding/connection, or people portray INTJs as being cynical, snarky, cold, or just generally hard to get along with or maintain relationships with...

    What do you think is the best and worst part of your relationship with your INTJ?

  5. #5
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    17,575

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by autumnandtherain View Post
    I'm curious to get a few opinions though. Everything I've heard about relationships with INTJs seem to be from opposite ends of the spectrum... Either it's been a very good relationship based on mutual understanding/connection, or people portray INTJs as being cynical, snarky, cold, or just generally hard to get along with or maintain relationships with...
    From the INTJ side I can assure you that all of this is true. We are just highly selective, and obviously not for everyone. If you cannot deal with snarkiness, sarcasm, cynicism, or bluntness, you probably won't do well with an INTJ. If that doesn't drive you away however, you may stay around long enough to find that mutual understanding and connection. We do make an effort to rein those qualities in around people we really care about, and it is often said that those close to us see an entirely different side from everyone else.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  6. #6
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    3,466

    Default

    I've been off and on talking to an INFJ for quite a while. The sex and overall sexual chemistry is great. We seem to have a compatible "vibe" and get along great together but we don't actually talk very often so I can't help you much there.
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  7. #7
    violaine
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by autumnandtherain View Post
    Hmmm, interesting. That's almost exactly how I'd describe my relationship with this INTJ (except that we're not dating yet), but everything about having things in common while still being interesting, ending up at the same place, connecting on all levels, is spot on. We're very good friends at the moment but we talk all the time (and from what I've heard from a few other INTJs, they don't waste time on others people they don't enjoy being around)...

    I'm curious to get a few opinions though. Everything I've heard about relationships with INTJs seem to be from opposite ends of the spectrum... Either it's been a very good relationship based on mutual understanding/connection, or people portray INTJs as being cynical, snarky, cold, or just generally hard to get along with or maintain relationships with...

    What do you think is the best and worst part of your relationship with your INTJ?
    The worst part is inconsequential now, but it was the length of time it took us to get together. I knew how compatible we were and how good it would be almost immediately. But I'm not one for pushing others. (I don't trust that). It may never have happened but that he glimpsed life without me in it, at a time when his everyday life got completely disrupted. (He had accepted a transfer for work).

    A potential sticking point is that we can both be in love with our own vision for how we want life to be. We've been able to compromise happily so far. It helps that the visions are usually closely aligned. We have both been used to a lot of autonomy and independence and were both a little concerned as to how that might play out in a relationship. But it's been really easy to merge our beings and lives. There is nothing else that comes to mind WRT problems in our relationship at all. Everything is good.

    And yes, he is cynical and he can be very snarky with people he isn't close to. He tries to tone it down because he doesn't think it's a great attribute. I think he's hilarious. (We def share a dark sense of humor.)

    I wonder if the varying reports about INTJs could be down to that INTJs supposedly behave differently with those they trust/their intimates and everyone else? There was a huge difference in my BF's behavior once we crossed over from friendship to love. He became completely unguarded. (I only have this experience to draw on so don't want to necessarily extrapolate from that to all INTJs.)

  8. #8
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/so
    Posts
    8,162

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I assume this is how it works:

    Yeah, I was gunna bring up this point.

    From my observations on this board, INTJs seem to be much more in touch with their Se -- and by "in touch with their Se", I mean to say "in touch with their crass, hedonistic, animalistic sexual deviancy" -- than do our INFJ cousins. Whether it be a male or female INTJ, we tend to be down in this regard. INFJs, otoh, often (not always) seem to express a distaste for such coarseness.

  9. #9
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    729 sx/sp
    Socionics
    IEE Ne
    Posts
    5,634

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by autumnandtherain View Post
    Hmmm, interesting. That's almost exactly how I'd describe my relationship with this INTJ (except that we're not dating yet), but everything about having things in common while still being interesting, ending up at the same place, connecting on all levels, is spot on. We're very good friends at the moment but we talk all the time (and from what I've heard from a few other INTJs, they don't waste time on others people they don't enjoy being around)...

    I'm curious to get a few opinions though. Everything I've heard about relationships with INTJs seem to be from opposite ends of the spectrum... Either it's been a very good relationship based on mutual understanding/connection, or people portray INTJs as being cynical, snarky, cold, or just generally hard to get along with or maintain relationships with...

    What do you think is the best and worst part of your relationship with your INTJ?
    I'm married to an INTJ, and he can be all of those things, but we also have a great relationship based on mutual understanding and connection. He definitely moved slower than I did in a romantic sense. I am an ENFP though, so I have a tendency to fall fast and hard. He was also slow to fall into favor with my friends and family. He looked aloof most of the time, and then he'd talk and say something that offended half of the people in the room. It's funny, because I think he's this way more the less familiar he is with the people or situation. Like volaine said though, he cracks me up. Some people just aren't ready for his sense of humor, especially since he doesn't ease them in really, just opens up his mouth and lets it fly.

    Now, though, my friends and family see him for the devoted, intelligent, loving, and hilarious guy that I knew he was all along. He takes our relationship very seriously, and knows how to joke around and have fun. We have great discussions about science, politics, and all kinds of things that stimulate me mentally, and he's great at planning routes for us when we take trips. He is also great at being objective and helping me work through my problems if I'm feeling a bit overcome with emotions, very even-tempered [except when he gets pissed because of someone's incompetence, haha]. I think that if you can handle him making a few awkward silences happen with some off-color comments, and are willing to give him the space and time he needs to make decisions and think things through, an INTJ can be a fantastic mate. I can't imagine being with anyone else now that I know and love his combination of depth, steadfastness, wit, and devotion.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  10. #10
    violaine
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I assume this is how it works:

    Lol, I was actually going to say there's a few things missing. Mind, soul, other parts of the body... But didn't want to leave out something I hadn't thought of. I know he feels the same, dammit! We're quantumly entangled! :p. (Nevermind that I'm probably quantumly entangled with everyone I've ever interacted with.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Yeah, I was gunna bring up this point.

    From my observations on this board, INTJs seem to be much more in touch with their Se -- and by "in touch with their Se", I mean to say "in touch with their crass, hedonistic, animalistic sexual deviancy" -- than do our INFJ cousins. Whether it be a male or female INTJ, we tend to be down in this regard. INFJs, otoh, often (not always) seem to express a distaste for such coarseness.
    Usual disclaimers about not speaking for all INFJs. I keep a lot hidden in public. There is a lot I don't say, but I don't deny things either. I often hint at things. I get a strange thrill from keeping certain things under wraps. Partially because I like surprising my BFs in private. So yeah, I like to try to keep it classy in public. But I'm well aware that you can't spell class without ass.

    Or classy without assy. *goes off an an atypical ass tangent*

Similar Threads

  1. INTJ and INFJ Relationships
    By highlander in forum Intertype Relations
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 09-13-2017, 08:57 PM
  2. [INFJ] INFJ+INFJ relationship, any thoughts about this?
    By Penguin in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 55
    Last Post: 07-15-2012, 08:51 PM
  3. [INFJ] INFJ + INFJ relationship confusion! (warning: long winded)
    By True Blue in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 03-06-2010, 09:57 PM
  4. [INFJ] A INFJ relationship question...
    By blueblood in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 04-09-2009, 03:56 PM
  5. [MBTItm] INTJ + INFJ relationships. Ladies, your opinions please?
    By Wyst in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 07-11-2008, 12:21 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO