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  1. #1
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Default Help me plan an adventure

    Well all, I guess I'll start out by telling a little about my story. Recently I realized that I was unsatisfied in life, and I gradually let people and things go as I lost interest in them. I wound up quitting my career job, and I stopped talking to every single friend and family member I had. I was left with utterly nothing. I had imagined that new things would pop up in the old ones' places, but they didn't. Ultimately, I tried to reconnect with this girl I love, but that apparently turned out horribly... this was only a few hours ago, it is possible that she will change her mind, but I've learned that it is a bad idea to sit and hope for someone to do something you want them to do. So who knows.

    As far as I see it, my life as I know it is over, and I mean that in the most profound way. I have given serious consideration to going to an insane asylum, because I just don't know what to do anymore and I literally can't bring myself to try to get a job, or stick around this rotten place anymore. So, my last stand is to just go apeshit and run off somewhere and pray to god that I find something somewhere that can make me happy. I live in such pain right now I can barely stand anything except RUNNING from the awful boredom and loneliness that haunts me every moment of the day. I wake up even from a bad dream and I become so disappointed that it wasn't real. I mean it is worse than I ever could have imagined. I've tried everything I could think of and everything blew up in my face, pointed me back at this terrifying void I cannot look at anymore.

    So here's where I stand. I have about 40,000 dollars and a few ideas. I guess I will have to sell almost all of my things, first of all. Whatever is left over, maybe my parents will help me keep in storage. I also think they might adopt my pet rabbit for me, or at least take care of it for a while as I try to find something stable. As for my apartment, I believe the lease is up in August, so I can let that run out, or I can perhaps choose to sublet it.

    The first thing that jumped into my mind was to get on a plane and head for Hawaii, the Bahamas, or the Virgin Islands (or something similar). I love exotic places and the ocean. I just don't know what I would do there, and if I could live there. Would I be able to find a job? Would I even be happy there? Would I be able to meet people?

    The second idea, and perhaps the better one, is to make a list of cities in America to visit, create a budget, and spend some time touring each one and trying to get a feel for which one might be right for me and seeing if I can make any connections or anything. I could couch surf, stay in motels, use craigslist, or even sleep in my car if need be. If I used craigslist, maybe I could find oddjobs to do for people to make a little money or get a free place to sleep. If that doesn't work, maybe then I could use my last couple thousand for the plane ticket to paradise.

    I will probably continue to post in this thread as my thoughts develop and I come up with ideas. I would love to hear any serious or helpful advice or ideas.

  2. #2
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Wow. So, if my car (a 98 Cavalier) gets 30 mpg and I drive 10000 miles and gas costs $4 a gallon... that's still less than $1500 in gas. Not bad, actually.

  3. #3
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Looks like I can easily sustain this lifestyle for at least a year. I have roughly 50 cities on my list... that's a week at each one. Very tentative plan so far, though. Some might warrant more time, some less.

    Here is a very, VERY rough outline of a budget for 1 year. Tell me what you think:

    *20000 miles of gas = $3000
    *$20 of food/day = $7300
    *Car insurance = $2500
    *Car repairs = $3000
    *Entertainment @ roughly $20/day = $7300
    *Lodging @ roughly $20/day = $7300
    *Cell phone = $1000
    *Other supplies & necessities, estimated = $2000

    Total: $33,400

  4. #4
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    The problem of lodging...

    1. Most if not all major cities have youth hostels. Seems like a decent place to stay, and meet other people too. Dunno about the cost, though. If I had to guess I would say maybe 20 a night?
    2. I don't know how much it costs to stay in a minimal motel room, but that's an option.
    3. Sleeping in my car is always easy, in a pinch. I have a -15 degree rated sleeping bag, or could use a mylar blanket if it gets cold.
    4. I am thinking, what if I went out during the day and night with a white T shirt with hand-penned messages on it to attract attention and see if I can land places to crash? Like if it said, "I am a traveler, AMA" and I went to a club or something.
    5. Social networking sites should be a huge help. I am thinking couchsurfing, craigslist, okcupid, and POF could be major resources. I could, for instance, make an OKcupid profile that identifies me as a traveler and change my city as I go, messaging suitable people with offers or requests. I could also use these to offer the oddjobs I mentioned above. As for cost, I don't know if it would cost anything. Maybe I would take them out to dinner or something.

  5. #5
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zago View Post
    it is possible that she will change her mind, but I've learned that it is a bad idea to sit and hope for someone to do something you want them to do. So who knows.
    Sometimes we need to learn it the hard way, sniper.

    First, I think you need a break - otherwise all that accumulated tension will cause you to make hasty decisions without properly considering the cons.

    Read a good book, take a couple of long walks. You'll have some insights about what you really want from life.
    -----------------

    A man builds. A parasite asks 'Where is my share?'
    A man creates. A parasite says, 'What will the neighbors think?'
    A man invents. A parasite says, 'Watch out, or you might tread on the toes of God... '


    -----------------

  6. #6
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Sometimes we need to learn it the hard way, sniper.

    First, I think you need a break - otherwise all that accumulated tension will cause you to make hasty decisions without properly considering the cons.

    Read a good book, take a couple of long walks. You'll have some insights about what you really want from life.
    I dunno man. I think I did everything I was supposed to do. It really couldn't have been any other way.

    It's kind of like, speaking of good books, Siddhartha. At first he is something of a masochist, a perfectionist. After that doesn't work for him, he becomes incredibly self indulgent. I've seen both sides of that coin now, too, like perhaps always must happen in time. Patience was, in some sense, self indulgence. I basically neglected a massive number of things I should have been doing because I was patiently waiting for them to do themselves or something. In the more distant past, I used to be a hardcore perfectionist. That kind of culminated with meditating for like 4 hours a day.

    So I'm gonna start now by doing what I should have been doing all along. Taking a shower. Cleaning my house. Talking to people. Not going to excess in things. Etc. I hope it works. Maybe it won't. I think, though, that looking back I was always happiest when I fortuitously had a balance between "should" and self-indulgence. I didn't understand the dynamics of it though. Now maybe I do. I still say maybe. Today has been a very hard day. I barely have the energy to lift a finger and get started. Hopefully though I do try this out and find that once I get rolling, I won't even need to wonder about all the could-be's of life because I will be happy enough in the present.

    As for ol' girl... fuck, I miss her. I felt like she blew me off so I exploded at her and said some of the meanest things I could say (being self-indulgent when I knew better), and then I freaked her out by apologizing excessively and calling a million times and leaving a million texts and even letters at her door, also perhaps indulgent, but I was really trying to show her I was sorry for saying that shit. She pretty much told me never to talk to her again, and I said I'd do anything she wanted even if it meant that, and told her I hoped she had a great life and that I loved her and goodbye. I hope she changes her mind and at least gives me 1 more chance now that I've learned this stuff. I think she might, because I left her on a good note and I think her anger might cool off when she realizes she misses me and does care about me, and I'm serious about leaving her alone. I didn't want to look like a stalker, but damn, how else was I supposed to apologize for doing something so nasty?

    Guess I could write about it forever. Don't wanna be too self-indulgent though.

    PS: As for long walks, I take way too many of them.

  7. #7
    Senior Member zago's Avatar
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    MBTI is involved in this. I like to unify everything. I became obsessed with getting rid of Si and Fe in favor of Ti and Ne. I think Lenore Thompson's theory about tertiary temptation isn't so great after all. I can't see how I would have been using Si to support Ti excessively. If anything, I became excessively strategic... I mean insanely strategic... with Ti and Ne and nothing else but the unconscious demands of Si and Fe, which prompted me to learn how to RIP THE SHIT out of other people like no other. Ultimately I tore 3 people down to the ground, not to mention a bunch of people on internet forums lol.. I was about to hit my family with some insanely scathing shit, but the other ones didn't wind up turning out like I expected so I held off. I expected people to get hurt and apologetic and like ask for help or something. Instead I just wind up getting ignored, or worse.

    I guess that's what tends to happen. People indulge too much in their dominants and it's one big downward spiral until they hit rock bottom. I definitely hit rock bottom. I hit it so fucking hard, I'm lucky to have survived. Is it bad that I slept in bed with a loaded AR15.. like literally under the covers with me? I guess most people would say yes. I honestly didn't think that much of it, up until a certain point when I began to get really, really depressed. But that's the extent to which this went. Then again, I didn't really do it for any reason. I just happened to place it on my bed when I was cleaning and it stayed there for a while. Ha. I can still say I did it though. That is freaky as hell.

    So I am eating now. I think the last time I ate was sometime midday on the 25th. As I was cleaning and taking out the trash I just met some old guy who lives in my building that plays the guitar. Maybe things are looking up. Famous last words.

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