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  1. #1
    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Default How do NT's prioritize their relationships?

    I know in my case my SO would come first more often than not. I was just wondering if it work the same for NT's or they give priority to their personal relationships based on some other objective factors? For example a distressed friend vs a spouse. Would an NT be more likely to chose the one that needs them the most over the one that means the most to them or vice versa. Another example might be if they had made plans with a friend but their spouse also wants to spend time with them would they be willing to disappoint that friend in order to please their spouse? Would they decline on the principal that their friend asked them first?In regards to friends, family girlfriends,boyfriends ect how do NT's prioritize their relationships in different situations?
    "Re-examine all that you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul."_Walt Whitman

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    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Perhaps this was posted in the wrong forum?
    "Re-examine all that you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul."_Walt Whitman

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    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I think I've more or less been my INTP's top priority since we met. He had friends when we met, but he dropped all but one or two close ones when we started going out and never really made more. Now he doesn't really have friends outside of co-workers he's on friendly terms with.

    Neither of us have much of a social life outside of our family, but we're introverts living with our four kids in a 1100 sqft/one bathroom house. That's about all either of us can take. I have more of a social life than he does because I don't work, I'm a little more outgoing, and we live in my home town where I have family and a residual friend or two.

    That said, I would consider it a dick move to randomly disrupt plans he made. And he tries to consult me before making plans because what little social schedule we have is my department, like paying the bills and remembering birthdays.
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    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iNtrovert View Post
    I know in my case my SO would come first more often than not. I was just wondering if it work the same for NT's or they give priority to their personal relationships based on some other objective factors? For example a distressed friend vs a spouse. Would an NT be more likely to chose the one that needs them the most over the one that means the most to them or vice versa. Another example might be if they had made plans with a friend but their spouse also wants to spend time with them would they be willing to disappoint that friend in order to please their spouse? Would they decline on the principal that their friend asked them first?In regards to friends, family girlfriends,boyfriends ect how do NT's prioritize their relationships in different situations?
    I tend to go by who has the greatest need in a given circumstance. If I have recreational plans with my SO, but a friend or even a neighbor needs to be taken to the hospital, I will explain the situation to my SO and we will reschedule our activity. If the "needs" are equivalent, I will consider how easy it is to reschedule each choice. If a friend wants to get together when I have planned something with my SO, or my parents, I will tell the friend we need to pick a different date. If the friend lives far away, however, and is in town just for the weekend, I might reschedule the other activity, knowing I can do things with my SO or local family/friends more readily. If needs and schedule considerations are equivalent, then I will go by my commitment to the individuals involved. If my neighbor wants me to watch her kids for an hour, but my mother wants me to take her to a doctor appointment, my mother gets priority.

    My SO never objects to my decision making in these situations, and sees thing much the same way. I have made similar accommodations for him.
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    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iNtrovert View Post
    I know in my case my SO would come first more often than not. I was just wondering if it work the same for NT's or they give priority to their personal relationships based on some other objective factors? For example a distressed friend vs a spouse. Would an NT be more likely to chose the one that needs them the most over the one that means the most to them or vice versa. Another example might be if they had made plans with a friend but their spouse also wants to spend time with them would they be willing to disappoint that friend in order to please their spouse? Would they decline on the principal that their friend asked them first?In regards to friends, family girlfriends,boyfriends ect how do NT's prioritize their relationships in different situations?
    I would also take this on a greatest need basis. My ENFJ would not be offended if an emergency came up and we needed to reschedule something but I'm not dropping a planned event with him for a friend that wants me to watch her kids while she gets her nails done because her husband won't.
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    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    If I was in a relationship, I wouldn't be the planner person. So if my partner makes plans that include me to which I agreed, and most of the time I tend to be quite agreeable. She will be allowed to change them at her whim whenever she wants to or if other things come up if she so desires. It would be her descision.
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    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by iNtrovert View Post
    I know in my case my SO would come first more often than not. I was just wondering if it work the same for NT's or they give priority to their personal relationships based on some other objective factors? For example a distressed friend vs a spouse. Would an NT be more likely to chose the one that needs them the most over the one that means the most to them or vice versa. Another example might be if they had made plans with a friend but their spouse also wants to spend time with them would they be willing to disappoint that friend in order to please their spouse? Would they decline on the principal that their friend asked them first?In regards to friends, family girlfriends,boyfriends ect how do NT's prioritize their relationships in different situations?
    I would choose the one that means the most to me (and me to them). That being said, if I've made a commitment to someone, regardless as to who it is, then I am strongly hesitant to change plans to something else unless it is really important, which is why when people back out of things they committed to at the last minute it really bothers me.

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    Senior Member iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Interesting...It seems as though all the NTJ seem to use some objective criteria pretty heavily when prioritizing their personal relationships. @Coriolis @ceecee seem to prioritize needs above personal importance. I also think it's pretty cool that you both had that INTJ future based thinking in your responses.You both thought a few steps ahead and included how your SO would respond in your post nice. Your thought process on this question seemed to move from objective to subjective as you didn't mention the response of the SO until you thought out different situations for making decisions on your objective criteria.

    @highlander Spoke about the importance of his relationships first but seemed to be more focused on his need to fulfill obligation regardless of his personal relationships

    @cafe and @Fluffywolf Suggest that INTP's Don't do the planning and will go with the flow which I guess I should have expected that from P types

    So perhaps what I originally thought might be an NF/NT difference is really an P/J difference.
    "Re-examine all that you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul."_Walt Whitman

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    Junior Member ummm's Avatar
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    l don't really have any ''trump cards'' outside of an emergency.

    So, no. lf l made plans and you as my SO said you wanted time with me instead, l wouldn't automatically choose you.

    More serious situations...a friend is in the hospital versus an SO, something like that l would prioritize the SO.

    But mostly everything is determined by what l told people l would do and not flaking out on that, unless they really suck.

  10. #10
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    I dont allow the needs of others to dominate my schedule. Seriously the more you are there for the needy, the more needy they become. I have had far too much of my personal time and energy drained form me by fickle and needy friends. So for me, friends have the very last priority, I will attend to my pet before I attend to a friend. So that brings me to my order of priority....

    How close you are to me determines your priority, which ranks my pets number 1. First, last and always. My pets have been truer to me than friends and family so I will willingly relinquish any relationship in favour of my pets.

    Second comes my SO. SO's are more of hobby than occupation for me, they are replacable I have discovered so I have relinquished plenty of them in the past. So saying that, even these temporary bondings are more nurturing to me than any familial relationship and rank higher.

    Then family, depending on the crisis (and its always a crisis) and my mood comes next.

    Friends, if you haven't scheduled with me forget it. I don't do last minute. If you have scheduled and cancelled in the past forget it, you're an acquaintaince I'm willing to let go of.

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