If I was in a relationship, I wouldn't be the planner person. So if my partner makes plans that include me to which I agreed, and most of the time I tend to be quite agreeable. She will be allowed to change them at her whim whenever she wants to or if other things come up if she so desires. It would be her descision.
I tend to go by who has the greatest need in a given circumstance. If I have recreational plans with my SO, but a friend or even a neighbor needs to be taken to the hospital, I will explain the situation to my SO and we will reschedule our activity. If the "needs" are equivalent, I will consider how easy it is to reschedule each choice. If a friend wants to get together when I have planned something with my SO, or my parents, I will tell the friend we need to pick a different date. If the friend lives far away, however, and is in town just for the weekend, I might reschedule the other activity, knowing I can do things with my SO or local family/friends more readily. If needs and schedule considerations are equivalent, then I will go by my commitment to the individuals involved. If my neighbor wants me to watch her kids for an hour, but my mother wants me to take her to a doctor appointment, my mother gets priority.
My SO never objects to my decision making in these situations, and sees thing much the same way. I have made similar accommodations for him.
Originally Posted by ceecee
I would also take this on a greatest need basis. My ENFJ would not be offended if an emergency came up and we needed to reschedule something but I'm not dropping a planned event with him for a friend that wants me to watch her kids while she gets her nails done because her husband won't.
yeah same for me.
There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
It definitely depends on who has the greater need in the moment. I don't like canceling plans unless there is a good reason to do so. If someone needs me because of sickness, emotional crisis, etc., then I'm going to be there and whatever I had planned is going to get shelved. And I understand when others have emergencies that come up as well...no problem.
I don't like people canceling on me at that last minute because my personal life requires me to jump through some serious hoops in order to meet up. To borrow from @Coriolis, I wouldn't be happy making the preparations to spend my social currency only to have those efforts wasted. And they wouldn't be in my life long enough to make it a pattern either.
I know in my case my SO would come first more often than not. I was just wondering if it work the same for NT's or they give priority to their personal relationships based on some other objective factors? For example a distressed friend vs a spouse. Would an NT be more likely to chose the one that needs them the most over the one that means the most to them or vice versa. Another example might be if they had made plans with a friend but their spouse also wants to spend time with them would they be willing to disappoint that friend in order to please their spouse? Would they decline on the principal that their friend asked them first?In regards to friends, family girlfriends,boyfriends ect how do NT's prioritize their relationships in different situations?
I'd say we prioritize our relationships more than you would think, and that we place girlfriends or boyfriends as a number one priority. We would not, however, go back on plans we made to someone else. We care a lot about keeping our word, and being straight with people.
Greatest need first, including my own. It also depends on how needy and how often. As an example, if it's a longer term distress then there's only so much I can give before wanting to bitch slap them out of their self-imposed wallowing. So spending time with SO and my need to get away, would trump.