Indeed, the goal of meditation is to allow your mind to be in a constant state of anarchy. Your ego tries to filter your experience. When you let that filter fall away, there is freedom and expanse, but you will no longer be able to see yourself as a good person (cutting to the point a bit). You'll recognize your shadow side, the thoughts that you had always kept locked in the basement of your mind out of sheer denial that you could possibly think up such violence and hatred.
This is why people have to spend like 10 or 20 years (I have heard up to 40, and some people probably never) sitting there in meditation - because meditation IS controlling your experience. It has to be. You do it. You must have intention. Progress happens much more quickly if you just start right now and allow your mind to express itself as it wants to. Instead of sacrificing for the future, do what you actually want to do right now. Do what resonates. You'll get to know yourself way faster. You'll run into a lot of walls. It will be tumultuous. In learning to walk, one must fall many times. This is not about mental control. This is about no mental control. You'll think you're losing your sanity. It's ok, you probably aren't.
Then again, if you just want to be a little more relaxed and crap, do some simple concentration meditation or something. Like I said, it is relaxing. It's not for me, though.