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  1. #1
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Default INTPs (or others) and control

    When I was younger I had more problems wih authority and being controlled. I think I've learned to manage that better. Now as an adult I think I'm experiencing problems with not wanting to control. People see it as disinterest, shirking responsibility or being unhelpful, though to me I don't see making other people's decisions for them as "my place".

    What's control like for you?

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    It's better to have self-mastery of mind rather than control over people, which is the opposite, as it hinders individual development. In contrast, independent thinking spurs us on to greater heights. The mountain is triumphed by the daring adventurer who challenges all its opposition, and one of those roadblocks often happens to be authority. Authority is all stupid, particularly when used for bad reasons.

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    Junior Member Typhus's Avatar
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    I have issues with authority and control in the workplace. I hate it when some moron manager decides that I should worked for every minute of the day for low wages. Or when they play politics or give me stupid orders.

    How did you come to terms with idiots in authority?

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    Senior Member Ism's Avatar
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    I mostly express control in regards to myself: I want to have my own apartment, I want to pay for my own expenses, and I hate it when people try to manipulate me. I want to own myself, basically, and I want to be the only one to have that power.

    As for other people, I have little to no interest in controlling them - rightfully so.

    A girl I used to be friends with got her kicks out of treating other people like her property, play things. I was one of them for a while, started noticing it, and subsequently made the move to distance myself from her. I'm pretty sure a large part of why she rekindled her friendship with a guy she had almost written off was because he came out as gay, and became her new GBF. Now, or at least recently, her closest friend has gotten into a relationship, and is touchy (though not indecently so) with her boyfriend. My friend was/is very reserved when it comes to open displays of affection, and is also jealous. She took it upon herself to try and say that her closest friend is ignoring her, not the same now that she is in a relationship, and my friend openly judges her for being affectionate in public. It's petty and gross. Why feel the need to care about what the hell other people do with themselves? It's none of your business, especially when someone, who is supposed to be your good friend, isn't really doing anything wrong.

    Quote Originally Posted by Typhus View Post
    How did you come to terms with idiots in authority?
    Usually, I just leave. Had a frustrating boss at one job - left that when the opportunity for another arose. At my current job, the boss is a total idiot. Thank goodness he's leaving. I would have left if he was around for good. The whole time, though, I expressed control in my own ways. Honestly, it was mostly passive aggressive, but it was enough for me to rationalize showing up the next day.

  5. #5
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    My husband is an INTP. Autonomy is important to him. He hates manipulation, etc. He likes jobs where he is mostly left alone to do what he's supposed to do. He is not very controlling of others. Pretty much does not care what I do as long as it doesn't inconvenience him much. Doesn't care how I spend his paychecks as long as the bills are paid, there is food in the fridge and gas in the van. It took me a little getting used to at first because it seemed like disinterest, and to some degree it is, but it's mostly respect for my competence and autonomy, etc. It's really kind of nice and makes him easy to live with, at least for me.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  6. #6
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Typhus View Post
    I have issues with authority and control in the workplace. I hate it when some moron manager decides that I should worked for every minute of the day for low wages. Or when they play politics or give me stupid orders.

    How did you come to terms with idiots in authority?

    Mostly I just try to make myself indispensable and then just do whatever I want. Usually I have to just force myself to walk away in situations where my boss is doing something moronic (which is very often because our company is so needlessly bureaucratic). Generally If I can just express why i think it's stupid to a peer i can just force myself to do it.

  7. #7
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    When I was younger I had more problems wih authority and being controlled. I think I've learned to manage that better. Now as an adult I think I'm experiencing problems with not wanting to control. People see it as disinterest, shirking responsibility or being unhelpful, though to me I don't see making other people's decisions for them as "my place".

    What's control like for you?
    Same here. I hate being controlled myself so it's made me very careful not to be controlling of others.

    What is control like for me? Ability to get the outcomes I want.

    Quote Originally Posted by Poimandres View Post
    It's better to have self-mastery of mind rather than control over people, which is the opposite, as it hinders individual development. In contrast, independent thinking spurs us on to greater heights. The mountain is triumphed by the daring adventurer who challenges all its opposition, and one of those roadblocks often happens to be authority. Authority is all stupid, particularly when used for bad reasons.
    Agreed!

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    My husband is an INTP. Autonomy is important to him. He hates manipulation, etc. He likes jobs where he is mostly left alone to do what he's supposed to do. He is not very controlling of others. Pretty much does not care what I do as long as it doesn't inconvenience him much. Doesn't care how I spend his paychecks as long as the bills are paid, there is food in the fridge and gas in the van. It took me a little getting used to at first because it seemed like disinterest, and to some degree it is, but it's mostly respect for my competence and autonomy, etc. It's really kind of nice and makes him easy to live with, at least for me.
    Your husband is me in a nutshell.
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  8. #8
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    What I must say, I have no problem when I'm controlled if it doesn't violate my principles but I don't like to control or better to say I simply can't. I want my own space and time. I have no intention to control anyone. I found I only wanted to be controlled because I don't want to be involved to physical excitements or daily works like shopping etc. So, I depend a little on others but when it comes to mental stage I have no intention to dominate and dislike most to be dominated.
    "Imagination is more important than knowledge"- Albert Einstein
    "By plucking its petals, you can't gather the beauty of a flower"- R.N.Tagore

  9. #9
    Member Ukon's Avatar
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    I can't stand being controlled, and I couldn't in the past either. My ENFJ mum, who as sweet as she is, used to be a bit of a control freak with us kids, and learned very quickly that I wouldn't tolerate it and that I could make my own decisions. I hate being controlled, and I hate controlling others. It sickens me, honestly. Unless you're sucking my dick, paying all my bills, knowing exactly when I need attention/when I don't, pretty much be a mind reader...You don't tell me what to do. You can tell me how to do something, but don't tell me to do it.
    people who expect a change
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    those are the most terrifying of monsters

  10. #10
    Senior Member Stigmata's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ism View Post
    I mostly express control in regards to myself: I want to have my own apartment, I want to pay for my own expenses, and I hate it when people try to manipulate me. I want to own myself, basically, and I want to be the only one to have that power.

    As for other people, I have little to no interest in controlling them - rightfully so.
    Pretty much this.

    I don't like relinquishing self-control; I feel really uneasy if I don't know what I'm doing, where I'm going, or if I'm not setting my own pace for achieving something. I like having control of my own goals and things related to my personal well-being. However, I don't like being in charge of others -- It's tediousness is exhausting and annoying. I don't like the thought of micro-managing anyone just like I absolutely hate the idea of being micro-managed. I don't mind working in team environment in which everyone is on an equal footing and receptive to the contributions of everyone else, just don't try to boss me around.
    "I'm just here so I won't get fined."

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