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  1. #31
    Junior Member thejames's Avatar
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    Well, I think the reason why INTJs tend to naturally gain more respect is because they come across as role-models, being so confident in themselves and rarely showing self-weakness.

    INTJs have an uncanny ability to rise above stereotyping; thus it doesn't effect them. This is a distinct strength that makes you folk stand out. My INTJ friend wouldn't give a rat's ass what anyone thought about him unless HE valued them to begin with.

    I think that is a natural-born wisdom you INTJs possess, making you the beacons that attract the rest of society.

    Other types will constantly see you and ask, "Why is he so confident, even in the face of mass opposition? I wish I knew myself that well; believed in myself as much to display that kind of courage."

    Therein lies the secret, I think. My INTJ friend was hilarious as hell whenever someone misjudged him. His favorite saying seemed to be,

    "Whatever, dawg. I really don't give a shit." What made it so funny was the tone he carried while saying it. It always had a hint of laughter in it.

    Now, whenever close friends would confront him with a problem, he would be the best of listeners, and always take what we said to heart.

    INTJs know where to place their trust, which is perhaps another reason why they get so much respect.


    Also, your straight-fowardness is probably just what your INFP friend needs, especially if he thinks you are trying to insult him. INFPs have a natural tendency to take criticism personally rather than objectively. They all need to overcome this, or their emotions will go crazy and become difficult to control.

    I call it the classic case of INFP paranoia, due to insecurity and a skewed longing for peace and perfection in all things.

    Applying logical interpretation to criticism will do tremendous wonders for your INFP friend.

  2. #32
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    I don't think it's as much we know ourselves as it is us trusting our intuition. I really don't know my feelings all that well. I expressed that to my friend, I think it turned them off.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  3. #33
    Junior Member thejames's Avatar
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    Interesting. What you said about trusting your intuition rather than simply knowing yourself makes sense. I guess it would be jumping to conclusions to assume that INTJs know themselves better than all other types.

    Well, any kind of friend who is turned off by your simple honesty probably isn't too selfless (at least if they are the NF type, because NFs are suppost to be most in tune with other's feelings).

    So if you were being honest about your feelings by trying to explain that you don't know them all that well, and an NF is turned off by it, I'd say they're not utilizing their tendencies properly.


    This INFP finds admirable the man who chooses to express his lack of understanding, because it causes him to ask questions.

    Seeking the right questions is a far more important task to me than seeking answers. This is because people looking for answers already have an idea of what they want to find.

    True strength is in the unknown, and no one should feel ashamed for accepting this. Weakness is found only when men take pride in what they know. Wisdom is accepting that knowledge is not something tangible, but rather something limited to our human understanding of concepts and pattern-in-chaos.

    Might be getting kinda random at this point, but hey, its nice to talk some philosophy on this kind of issue.

  4. #34
    Magical Firelie's Avatar
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    I've cut people out of my life before, sometimes ruthlessly. Most of the time I only do it with acquaintances that I've become bored of, though I've done it with friends before as well when they started becoming a negative influence in my life.

    It used to be a lot easier to do when my family moved every few years. Now the people I don't really care to talk to anymore tend to hunt me down via email and/or myspace.

    I have this one friend that I don't really want to cut out, but the only way she wants to communicate with me by phone and I can barely stand phone conversations with regular people, much less her....I don't know how to put that to her delicately, but she doesn't want to talk by email, so she's sorta halfway cut and I really don't like that state of being.

  5. #35
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Firelie View Post
    I've cut people out of my life before, sometimes ruthlessly. Most of the time I only do it with acquaintances that I've become bored of, though I've done it with friends before as well when they started becoming a negative influence in my life.
    Me, too. I think a lot of it is knowing that I really only have a certain amount of energy, and none of that will be allotted to dealing with drama.

    It used to be a lot easier to do when my family moved every few years. Now the people I don't really care to talk to anymore tend to hunt me down via email and/or myspace.
    It really is very often "out of sight, out of mind," for me, a lot of times. For closer friends that I've moved away from, I might think of them often, but unless we email daily, I probably won't remain close to them. IM is even better, if you want to stay in touch with me.

    I have this one friend that I don't really want to cut out, but the only way she wants to communicate with me by phone and I can barely stand phone conversations with regular people, much less her....I don't know how to put that to her delicately, but she doesn't want to talk by email, so she's sorta halfway cut and I really don't like that state of being.
    I am so with you on that. I hate the phone a LOT. There are maybe two people in the world that I'll sit around and talk on the phone to. I'd much rather email or IM, but there are others that really feel like they're not talking to you unless it's by phone or in person. I just feel like the phone is such a time-suck. And I'm far more self-conscious on the phone.

    I had a friend who ended up being cut who was a big phone person. I think she liked the phone b/c she was HIGHLY emo, and if she told you her problems over the phone, you could hear her voice break, etc, and then you were supposed to feel sorry for her and give her loads of attention. And then when she was done sucking you dry of your energy, she'd call another friend and tell the same story. I definitely do not have enough energy or patience to deal with that.
    Something Witty

  6. #36
    Magical Firelie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I just feel like the phone is such a time-suck. And I'm far more self-conscious on the phone.

    I had a friend who ended up being cut who was a big phone person. I think she liked the phone b/c she was HIGHLY emo, and if she told you her problems over the phone, you could hear her voice break, etc, and then you were supposed to feel sorry for her and give her loads of attention. And then when she was done sucking you dry of your energy, she'd call another friend and tell the same story. I definitely do not have enough energy or patience to deal with that.
    Definitely. This girl is like that, too, except she doesn't have drama, just inane everyday stuff that is so deadly boring that I could literally play video games while talking to her on the phone and end up with the same amount of information at the end of the 2-hour conversation. Plus she has a tendency to sit in the most occupied room of wherever she happens to be at the time and talk to both me and the other people in the room (also handing the phone off to them, at times, like I care to talk to strangers or something), so it's just annoyance all over...

    Okay, that's enough ranting for one day. :steam:

  7. #37
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    For what it's worth, I do exactly the same thing. For me, it's a matter of not wanting to waste energy tending to an unfulfilling relationship.

    I also hate being someone's "friend" just because I tend to cheer them up, or because they find me amusing when I'm getting nothing out of it save boredom. I'm not a friggin' clown for their amusement!

    I'm not bitter...

  8. #38
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Firelie View Post
    I have this one friend that I don't really want to cut out, but the only way she wants to communicate with me by phone and I can barely stand phone conversations with regular people, much less her....
    Oh god... I wish I could express just how much that resonates with me. I don't understand it, but people seem totally comfortable calling me with NOTHING to say. Yes, they just call to talk, but there's nothing to talk about, because we have nothing in common, and they're not my friend. I can't stand small talk, and small talk laced with awkward silences is perhaps the most painful, miserable waste of time in the entire solar system... YET THEY STILL CALL!!! ...and they wonder why I never answer my phone. I also stopped using IM a few years ago for that same reason.

    I'm not bitter...

    Oh yeah, and I apologize for posting on the rationals board. I just wanted you to know you're not alone... I'm here for you

  9. #39
    Magical Firelie's Avatar
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    phoenix13 - Very easy solution...don't give your number out. The only people that have mine are my immediate family, relatively close friends, and people I need to meet up with for some reason. For others, I make it very clear that I don't choose to communicate by phone and offer my email instead and/or add them on myspace.

  10. #40
    Wannabe genius Splittet's Avatar
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    I do it. It doesn't really seem that uncommon though. But too much people stresses me, and when it's no longer enjoyable interacting with people and it becomes a chore, I tend to cut them out. I usually don't fully ignore them, I just don't show any initiative toward them, and answer anything shortly.

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