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  1. #21
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kristiana View Post
    If I actively decide to never speak to someone again, I will tell him/her, and I will explain why. This has happened three or four times that I know of. (On a similar note, an ex of mine decided to do the same to me, because he was mad that I'd started dating quite soon after we'd broken up. Oy.)

    DigitalMethod, how old are you? Also, is the friend in question male or female? Use special caution if she is female, because I've seen in my own life and in the lives of others how many girls take it, and it can be very psychologically damaging.
    PMed.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
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  2. #22
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    I've done this all my life, and I'm only beginning to realise that it's completely irrational and all the product of my own fears of being rejected by someone I've grown close to once we've hit a bump (which, of course, is a mountain, in my eyes).

    It actually hurts me just as much, if not more, than the other person. My most recent "cut off" has been like an endlessly bleeding wound in my heart.

    I'm learning how to recognise when my reflexes are triggered, and when I'm ready to end a relationship, and to talk myself out of being an idiot and to for once, be understanding, not adversarial.

  3. #23
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    I've done this all my life, and I'm only beginning to realise that it's completely irrational and all the product of my own fears of being rejected by someone I've grown close to once we've hit a bump (which, of course, is a mountain, in my eyes).

    It actually hurts me just as much, if not more, than the other person. My most recent "cut off" has been like an endlessly bleeding wound in my heart.

    I'm learning how to recognise when my reflexes are triggered, and when I'm ready to end a relationship, and to talk myself out of being an idiot and to for once, be understanding, not adversarial.
    Enlightening...
    Thanks.
    Would you say that you've completely ended that habit within yourself? Or at least come to spot it each time you start it?
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  4. #24
    Member songofcalamity's Avatar
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    Eek, I am not a NT but I do cut people and "door slammed" them, when they are too much for me, or they no longer serve any use (yes as superficial as it sounds) but most of the time, it's their "too-much-for-me" that makes me close and shut my door on them. And the worst thing is the person don't even know what's happening, only after a few months passed, then do they realized the friendship/relationship is no longer there. I did it to my ex-best friend.

    I've done this all my life, and I'm only beginning to realize that it's completely irrational and all the product of my own fears of being rejected by someone I've grown close to once we've hit a bump (which, of course, is a mountain, in my eyes).
    Dana, I can totally relate to you on this part. I too cut them off for fear of them rejecting me.
    Last edited by songofcalamity; 06-28-2008 at 02:35 AM. Reason: adding extra info

  5. #25
    Tenured roisterer SolitaryWalker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod View Post
    I notice that I cut people out of my life once they stop being "beneficial", or I guess you could say, when they stop being a positive influence in my life. Like literally cut them out. Avoid them in real life, and talk less online, with emails I just tend to write short replies back. I was wondering if other rationals find themselves doing this, or is it more of a INTJ thing? Or maybe it's just a jerk thing. I've really done it more than once. It's really sad I think. It's not something I'd prefer to do. I don't enjoy it. I just have to do it to keep my sanity. Sometimes I'll be on the acquaintance level with someone for a long time, and then after that period of time I start to either desire a deeper friendship or ta boot out of my life. Sorta weird I guess. So I'm just wondering if other rationals (INTJs maybe?) do this, or is it me just being a jerk? Oh and by "deeper" I don't mean "relationship", I just mean a better friend, something deeper than just acquaintances.
    This is utilitarian thinking, what isnt useful must be dispensed with. Most distinctly emphasized by the Thinking mindset.
    "Do not argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience." -- Mark Twain

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  6. #26
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Will give right arm for one real friend xD
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  7. #27
    Senior Member Gabe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlueWing View Post
    This is utilitarian thinking, what isnt useful must be dispensed with. Most distinctly emphasized by the Thinking mindset.
    They never said anything about 'useful', they said that when relationships were having a negative influence on them they quit. The thing is, that could have been written by all eight of the feeling-preffering types (except maybe people with auxiliary Fe, they can have a tendency to hang onto bad relationships), and yet, because it was written in the NT forum, you spun it as a 'utilitarian' attitude. I'm sure if it was written on a different forum, you would have ignored it ('cause it doesn't match with what you think you know) or you would have made up (and coincidently been right, for once ) how such an attitude could stem from either feeling function. I sometimes wonder how you manage to take yourself seriously.

  8. #28
    Junior Member thejames's Avatar
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    DigitalMethod, I actually think this is a healthy tendency of INTJs.

    My two best friends back in high school were an INTJ and an INTP. Being an INFP myself, I have learned much from the confidence, decisiveness, and individuality of the INTJ, as well as the importance and power of logical reasoning from the INTP.

    That said, you probably already know that a natural tendency of the INFP is feeling insecure about themselves. In the past, I had always experienced difficulty in overlooking my feelings for others in order to follow through with the logical need to end an unhealthy relationship.

    My INTJ friend once told me that he admired this quality about me, because all of our younger friends tended to be loyal to me in more of a "mutual" sense, rather than more of a "submissive" sense like they were to him. He told me he disliked coming across as being so cold, and sometimes wished he could be more caring and understanding of other's feelings like I was.

    I replied explaining that in addition to being more submissive to him, those younger friends were also much quicker in attaining a natural respect for him; something that INFPs take longer to acquire of people (and even once attained, it is never at the same level of respect as it is for the INTJ).

    Then my INTP friend conveniently concluded for us that we simply oppose eachother's strengths and weaknesses in these kinds of areas, and that's why we are eachother's "advisors".

    Quite awesome indeed.

  9. #29
    Wonderer Samuel De Mazarin's Avatar
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    I've slammed the door, cut all ties... avoided phonecalls for months... sometimes, actually, without much cause... I think I often get very annoyed by the increasing dedication it takes, with some people... sometimes it's not even their fault... I feel bad not only because they're hurt, but because of my own embarrassment at acting like a jerk... some people have called me extremely loyal, but that's probably because they haven't gotten the unceremonious boot yet. Everyone, except my mother, brother, and father, is liable to get it...

    BUT.... I have had stable friendships over many years... only not that many.
    Madman's azure lie: a zen miasma ruled.

    Realize us, Madman!

    I razed a slum, Amen.

    ...............................................

  10. #30
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thejames View Post
    DigitalMethod, I actually think this is a healthy tendency of INTJs.
    I guess you see it easily this way because like you said, it's your weakness so you easily respect other's who have it. I think it can be healthy, but there is always an equally balanced negative effect to the positive effect.

    Quote Originally Posted by thejames View Post
    My two best friends back in high school were an INTJ and an INTP. Being an INFP myself, I have learned much from the confidence, decisiveness, and individuality of the INTJ, as well as the importance and power of logical reasoning from the INTP.
    Thanks, for those compliments, to the INTJ type anyway.
    I wish I had friends like that in high school...

    Quote Originally Posted by thejames View Post
    That said, you probably already know that a natural tendency of the INFP is feeling insecure about themselves. In the past, I had always experienced difficulty in overlooking my feelings for others in order to follow through with the logical need to end an unhealthy relationship.
    Actually, the thought that it's insecurity never came to mind. Although, I guess that makes sense, now I feel dumb for not really realizing that.

    Quote Originally Posted by thejames View Post
    My INTJ friend once told me that he admired this quality about me, because all of our younger friends tended to be loyal to me in more of a "mutual" sense, rather than more of a "submissive" sense like they were to him. He told me he disliked coming across as being so cold, and sometimes wished he could be more caring and understanding of other's feelings like I was.
    I admire that too, I wish I was more balanced and able to understand other's feelings better, and my own feelings also.

    Quote Originally Posted by thejames View Post
    I replied explaining that in addition to being more submissive to him, those younger friends were also much quicker in attaining a natural respect for him; something that INFPs take longer to acquire of people (and even once attained, it is never at the same level of respect as it is for the INTJ).
    I'm curious if there are any more details to this fact, the fact that INFPs take longer to gain respect and to a lesser degree. I think I could figure it out, but I'm curious as to your insight about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by thejames View Post
    Then my INTP friend conveniently concluded for us that we simply oppose eachother's strengths and weaknesses in these kinds of areas, and that's why we are eachother's "advisors".
    Guess I'm to mean, and critical, when I advise my INFP friend, it's always taken the wrong way as an attack or insult. Sigh.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
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