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  1. #1
    Buddhist Misanthrope Samvega's Avatar
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    Default How does an ENTP deal with hurt feelings?

    I am at the end of a relationship and dealing with some very rare, very hurt feelings and, I'm sure she is as well. I had some reactions that caught me off guard as they aren't typical for me, normally I just don't care enough about an outcome to have a reaction and very, very few people are allowed into my life far enough to hurt me. I'm not going to go into more details on what happened as there are two people involved, two different realities and two different interpretations. So, my question is, how do you deal with hurt feelings as an ENTP, both in dating and friendships or family.

    I'm asking because in the interest of my own self awareness I would like to understand which aspects of me are nurture and which are nature and sort the flaws out accordingly. I flipped my shit, felt overwhelmed by emotions I couldn't quickly identify and was a handful to deal with (more so than normal) in my words and "emotionally abusive" in hers, was my reaction an attempt to feel more secure, anger, a desire to be taken care of, total frustration and emotional constipation, I actually don't know hence this post.

    What I'm sure of is that the truth is someplace in the middle, maybe I am emotionally abusive, maybe she's super sensitive, maybe both. Any way you cut it, I want to get to the bottom of it so it isn't something that's repeated.

    So how do other ENTPs react to hurt feelings?

  2. #2
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    While it may be appealing for the mind to seek emotional support to latch on to, discarding responsibility through external validation isn't the way to find any truth about the self, since everyone's got a different story to tell, with or without typology - and the latter only further augments blindspots through the reinforcement of stereotyped perceptions. Digging deep into one's shit with the aid of professional help that isn't focused on sustaining existing biases and can assist navigating the emotional darkness is bound to be more effective.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
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  3. #3
    Buddhist Misanthrope Samvega's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    While it may be appealing for the mind to seek emotional support to latch on to, discarding responsibility through external validation isn't the way to find any truth about the self, since everyone's got a different story to tell, with or without typology - and the latter only further augments blindspots through the reinforcement of stereotyped perceptions. Digging deep into one's shit with the aid of professional help that isn't focused on sustaining existing biases and can assist navigating the emotional darkness is bound to be more effective.
    So am I to interpret this as you deal with hurt feelings via professional help? I can't honestly picture myself feeling betrayed by a close friend for taking money from my wallet and going to a therapist over it because I bitched them out. Maybe you misunderstood my post as me looking for advice? Please re-read the post title and feel free to edit accordingly if there was some type of misunderstanding or you were reading into what I was asking (use the question marks as indicators). I am in absolutely no way looking for validation, in fact, very much so in the other direction. I am in fact trying to address the aspects of myself I've stereotyped as being an ENTP from the portions of me that are character flaws, both of which would need to be addressed, via different paths however.

    Sorry for the misunderstanding, I will reword the title or OP if others see my post as me having a desire to free myself of quilt, wrongdoing or for validation as opposed to my actual intentions. Notice, I didn't mention what my reaction was nor what it was in response to as they aren't relevant to the question.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
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    I wouldn't look to what one or the other did, and therefore the hurt feelings. Instead I would look toward the relationship entity, as that is what your combined chemistry was. To understand how what happened with that 'swirl' of the both of you, happened.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  5. #5
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    first thing first: the self-deprecation makes it apparent that you are very much in the guilt-phase were you identify with her story entirely. this is good in the realm of taking responsibility, certainly a lot better then the other way around (complete self justification & disregards to hers), but it is liable to blind you to your own story, which is the reason you don't identify with your own actions within the experience, and why you don't know were it comes from.

    try to take a step back from her world, let out what causes your hurt & anger, and then take a step back again to have a look at both. you'll have a lot more information to understand the larger story.


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