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  1. #1
    On The blessblessblessblesster
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    Default How to Become Less Sensitive?

    Hi all. I'm trying to make some improvements to myself, and I need some good advising. First, some background information to give you context:

    I'm a 28 year old INTJ male. My childhood, teenager, and young adult years were much like the typical INTJ's: Kinda lonely and fucked up. I was very socially maladapted. I got picked on a fair bit (in high school and elementary that is). I had typical INTJ problems. I did not understand human behavior. I don't understand why people did what they did. I didn't really know how to have a regular conversation (it just didn't make sense to me. I didn't have an artistic rhythm or flow. I was just straight logic). I didn't have any understanding of my own emotions. It was a mess, and not a very pleasant one. At about age 25 I started seriously developing my feelings side. I consciously made the decision to do it. I just felt like there was "something to all this feelings stuff". It was a wild ride. There was a lot of depression involved. I learned a lot about myself and others. With myself, it was a struggle to accept who I was. I had this idea of what kind of human being would be ideal, and that I had to be that human being. I always tried to be perfect, and to have perfect control over myself. I saw how that doesn't work. There was a lot of internal conflict. I didn't know who I was, I didn't know who I should or wanted to be. I see now that I'm, for the most part, a regular human being with talents and with flaws. I accept that, I feel OK about that.

    When it came to my judgments of others, I was really shocked at how irrational people were. I was shocked at how little principle people had, and how little they actually thought on their own. I couldn't believe it. How could people make so many irrational and purely emotionally driven decisions? Take vendettas for example. Why try to hurt someone who makes you angry? Hurting them is illogical, it doesn't help you. But people do. People do all kinds of irrational things driven purely by emotion. People don't really have principle, not to the level that I thought should be expected. Most people's sense of principles is taken from society at large. Whatever is the 'norm' is what they accept to be acceptable. People don't make independent assessments. Eventually, I came to have more acceptance for this. I'm still swallowing it.

    All this personal growth and development has turned me into an extremely emotionally sensitive person. I see a good and a bad side to this. Being sensitive allows me to be sensitive to the needs of others. Being sensitive also means that my feelings are easily hurt. I want to retain the good side of sensitivity, while getting rid of the downside. In other words, I don't want to be such a little bitch anymore. I don't want to be so easily offended or hurt or bothered. I don't mean that something bothers me and I just keep it inside. I mean literally for stuff to not even register as something that would bother me. ENTP and ENTJ types are pretty good at this. I'm looking for some advising on how to accomplish this internal rewiring. It's a pretty drastic change I think. It's like altering my personality. But I need this!

  2. #2
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bilateral Entry View Post
    But I need this!
    Why?
    "Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one."
    Eleanor Roosevelt


    "When people see some things as beautiful,
    other things become ugly.
    When people see some things as good,
    other things become bad."
    Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

  3. #3
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    Your avatar is a chipmunk riding a snake, you don't need to change.

  4. #4
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    Follow these great words my friend from the wise old master now known as "Vino".

    Quote Originally Posted by RaptorWizard View Post
    I will not rest; I will not sleep, relax, relent, or be satisfied until my goals have been met, the challenge answered and all my doubters silenced. I will not give in to my foes; I wont let down my teammates. I wont stop inspiring those who look up to me or stop giving motivation to those who motivate me. I will not back off until I’m back on top, back in the place where they said I could never be again. Mountains dont scare me. The lack of mountains scare me. The climb up, the struggle for every inch of ground and every level of ascension is what feeds me. I welcome that challenge. I welcome that chance to be fed because no matter what - no matter how hard, how far, or how many stand in my way, I remain determined. ― Kobe Bryant
    Kobe Bryant - 2013 Mix
    Explore the Edge of Endlessness - Ascend the Mountain of Transformation - Omnipotence

  5. #5
    Member tanstaafl28's Avatar
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    I don't think you need to "rewire" or avoid who and what you are (what's more I think you need to embrace, and celebrate it). Yes, people can be cruel, hurtful, mean, selfish, and all that, but they can also be generous, polite, friendly, helpful, and nice. We all have shadow, but shadows cannot be cast without light. Be who you are, be authentic and let the hurt hurt, and the good feelings feel good. Experience it all. Find the balance in it. That's what you have been working towards.

    I've got (more than) a few years on you. I remember being where you are, and I know where I am now. Relax, you are doing fine.

  6. #6
    Transient Faceless Beauty's Avatar
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    Imagine something much worse than emotional pain and rejection. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. It also helps to analyze your emotions and the nature of the people who are causing you to feel this way.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."-Roger Kint, The Usual Suspects
    "You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."- Tyler Durden, Fight Club
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  7. #7
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Faceless Beauty View Post
    Imagine something much worse than emotional pain and rejection. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. It also helps to analyze your emotions and the nature of the people who are causing you to feel this way.


    I disagree with that "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" sentiment. Sometimes what doesn't kill you can slowly eat away at you, decreasing your vigor and growth.

    It's also a way to subjugate your very real needs underneath bootstrap methodism and aimless forging on.
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    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  8. #8
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    It means your Fi is still developing. You're experiencing at 28 what FPs experience for like the first 25-30 or so years of their lives in some form or another.

    As an FP, I tried to over rely on Te instead, and that made me very unhappy, like I was trying to deaden my sensitivity or cover it in rocks. That isn't the answer either.

    For me it was about developing Ni and learning to put things in perspective and to stop taking it personally. Taoism and some Zen Buddhist principles have helped me tremendously.

    It's not about you, it's about them. When people behave xyz, have compassion for them, but don't let it touch you. It's very challenging.

    As an INTJ, though, you're probably going to be sensitive or bothered about different facets of humanity than I am as an ISFP. You're probably more bothered by people being irrational than I am. I am more bothered by things like narcissism and extreme selfishness.

  9. #9
    Transient Faceless Beauty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    I disagree with that "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" sentiment. Sometimes what doesn't kill you can slowly eat away at you, decreasing your vigor and growth.

    It's also a way to subjugate your very real needs underneath bootstrap methodism and aimless forging on.
    That's fine.
    At the same time, there are things beyond your control, especially when it comes to how you are received by other people. That is something that you have to accept. A lot of times it's not an issue with you, but some of the people who are responding to you. If a person is going to place a great weight upon how others impact them, they have to accept that they have little control over how another person decides to perceive them.

    But like I said in the statement following the one you disliked, it helps to make sense of the situation so that you can understand why people act this way and why you feel a certain way in response to their actions, rather than dwelling on your initial reaction to what has occurred.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist."-Roger Kint, The Usual Suspects
    "You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."- Tyler Durden, Fight Club
    ENTJ, LIE-Ni, 9w8-6w5-3w2

  10. #10
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Faceless Beauty View Post
    That's fine.
    At the same time, there are things beyond your control, especially when it comes to how you are received by other people. That is something that you have to accept. A lot of times it's not an issue with you, but some of the people who are responding to you. If a person is going to place a great weight upon how others impact them, they have to accept that they have little control over how another person decides to perceive them.

    But like I said in the statement following the one you disliked, it helps to make sense of the situation so that you can understand why people act this way and why you feel a certain way in response to their actions, rather than dwelling on your initial reaction to what has occurred.


    I was mainly pointing out the inaccuracy of that common urban legend or platitude. What doesn't kill you might not make you stronger at all. I wish that, along with other incorrect common quotes, could be completely scoured from our lingo.

    Yeah, I agree. You cannot control others in any way, unless they allow you to.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    ~Torah observant, Christ inspired~
    Life Path 11

    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


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