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[INTJ] Ask an INTJ

Erudur

New member
Joined
Dec 17, 2008
Messages
190
MBTI Type
INTJ
BW: Your point is interesting, but can you clarify further - put some meat on the bones, so to speak? What exactly is going to overload the T?
The INTJ's Ni will generate far more ideas than the Te could process.

Yes. I have misgivings about reaching out farther with Ni than I can deductively connect with Te. But its the reaching into the expanse that is the most fun.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think I have a good amount of confidence when it comes to interaction with you guys, however I do have one question. This has been bothering me for a little while and it's been weird to try to get my head around.

How can I tell if one of you is interested in me? This would be especially helpful to hear from the women here. I have a good idea of what some of the hints are in my head, but I'd like to refine my understanding of it to be more accurate. Thank you. I ask this because you guys rock. :)
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
I think I have a good amount of confidence when it comes to interaction with you guys, however I do have one question. This has been bothering me for a little while and it's been weird to try to get my head around.

How can I tell if one of you is interested in me? This would be especially helpful to hear from the women here. I have a good idea of what some of the hints are in my head, but I'd like to refine my understanding of it to be more accurate. Thank you. I ask this because you guys rock. :)

What are some of the signals you are getting from her?
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Well so far on my list of hints that hint at being interested I have-

Still wants to talk to me and enjoys it, reveals intimate details about herself, asks advice about personal issues.

I realize that these are all pretty obvious clues, but I was wondering if there was something more. Something that tells me she wants to take it "to the next level" perhaps in a relationship. We are just good friends right now. In the past this interest has been obvious to me with the TJ girls I know, with them suddenly throwing out sexual innuendos and jokes left and right all the while being flirty. But is there something more, is there some subtle way of knowing?

Or am I just fine. >_>
 

Misty_Mountain_Rose

New member
Joined
Jul 21, 2008
Messages
1,123
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
I'd just relax for a bit and let things progress. You're right in the last part you wrote, at least for me. I may be a terrible flirt, but I make up for it with directness. When I want something 'more', I'm definately not subtle about it lol I think some of my famous one liners include (no lie):

- 'If you come over here right now, I'm going to seduce you'.
- 'Why haven't you tried to kiss me yet?'
- 'I love you and don't want to spend my life without you'. (Completely wasted on a heartless iNTP lol)
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
Well so far on my list of hints that hint at being interested I have-

Still wants to talk to me and enjoys it, reveals intimate details about herself, asks advice about personal issues.

I realize that these are all pretty obvious clues, but I was wondering if there was something more. Something that tells me she wants to take it "to the next level" perhaps in a relationship. We are just good friends right now. In the past this interest has been obvious to me with the TJ girls I know, with them suddenly throwing out sexual innuendos and jokes left and right all the while being flirty. But is there something more, is there some subtle way of knowing?

Or am I just fine. >_>

As an INTJ you're going to want her to choose you. Especially for a relationship. It sounds like she has already chosen you as a close friend, maybe she really just doesn't have room in her life for a relationship?

I agree though that those signals (reveals intimate details about herself, asks advice about personal issues) go hand in hand with having a relationship on the next level with INTJs.

I don't know about anything subtle though. Maybe how she talks about your future together?

I'm pretty sure that a female INTJ could say a lot more about this though. :)
 

Gengar

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2009
Messages
71
MBTI Type
INFP
okay since we're on the topic of relationships with INTJs. . . might as well chip in for questions.

Needless to say any further, I am another sensitive INFP who's fallen for a strongass INTJ. She's very strong especially on the I T and J. Less so for N.

We're approaching our graduation ball, and I think she's off to the UK or staying in Hong Kong for university. I am staying in Hong Kong for university.

So INTJ women/men, put yourself in her shoes for a moment and if someone relatively close to you said this to you during the graduation ball how would you react? Her name in this case is Gillian.

<Normally before graduation ball, there is time for people to take photos and generally chit chat. This is when I approach her wherever she is.>

"Hey Gillian!" <her response should be 'hey'> "Can you come with me somewhere more private for about a minute? I have something to ask you about unis and the future."

<Ideally, we can find somewhere private and nice to sit down>

"Okay so, don't freak out now. <without stopping for any pause> wo dui ni yau gan jue <Chinese for 'I have feelings for you'>"

<At this point, she'll either freak out and leave or she'll stay and listen. Given that she stays and listens for a bit longer>

"I'm telling you this now because I want to be genuine and honest with you. I don't want us to dissolve into nothing and never breathe a word to one another ever again after this ball. I am pretty sure that with our introverted personalities, we'll lose contact as soon as you're in the UK, and I didn't want that to happen without you knowing this single piece of information. <pause for a bit, but not long, In a very soft tone now> Sometimes I wish that I could help you a bit more. Like maths for example. You always needed help for it, but I was never able to give any. For any of your other subjects, it was probably I who needed the help more than you did! <smile slightly. Pace a bit faster now> But perhaps that's exactly the reason why I enjoy your company. <short pause awaiting her response. If she has no response. . .> "I know we won't have much chance being together, we have, afterall, only a few months left. What do you think/how do you feel (not sure which one)? I've always wanted to hear your thoughts."

<end>


So, given that we're quite good friends, how would you react? Any room for improvements?
 

Costrin

rawr
Joined
Nov 1, 2008
Messages
2,320
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
Too complicated. You'll never pull it off. Plus, your a P. What are you doing planning something?
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ

I'm not clear about your present relationship with this girl so it's hard to tell if it is a good thing to say or not. Can you explain more about how "good of friends" you are.

I mean have you gotten any signals?

Too complicated. You'll never pull it off. Plus, your a P. What are you doing planning something?

Don't be an ass.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
I agree that it could be a little more simpler. But on the other hand this sort of situation is pretty hard to simplify if you want to cover all the bases.
 

amalia

New member
Joined
Feb 28, 2009
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INTJ
As an INTJ female, I'd say that was over-the-top complicated. I'd much prefer a "Hey, I'm interested in you. Where do we stand?"
 

Gengar

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2009
Messages
71
MBTI Type
INFP
Thank you. . .

Yeah. . .I suppose it does seem quite waffly. Probably don't want to bog her down with too many emotions.

The thing is, she's very very introverted. And i didn't want to come off too straightforward incase she (a) put me in the same category as the other rude guys (b) gets scared and is lost for words

Also, I thought it might have been better since I didn't want to appear insincere.

But yes, I think a bit less words would do quite well.

@ Digital - At the moment, we stand pretty much as high school friends. By friend I don't mean like one of those friends you say hi but never talk to ever again. I mean friend as in 'someone you actually like/respect'. We never call one another. Never have any 'deep' conversations. Never do sport with one another. etc. But when we do sit with one another and start talking, our conversations are generally nice and uplifting. Mostly about work though (since that's pretty much where we both focus).

@ Costrin - Thanks for the advice. . .and I do think that Ps are quite good at planning. In fact, Ps sometimes make better planners because they'll probably have thought of certain outcomes that the Js haven't considered, thus meaning that they won't be surprised. Even if surprised, they can spontaneously react - win win situation. :)
 

Costrin

rawr
Joined
Nov 1, 2008
Messages
2,320
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
@ Costrin - Thanks for the advice. . .and I do think that Ps are quite good at planning. In fact, Ps sometimes make better planners because they'll probably have thought of certain outcomes that the Js haven't considered, thus meaning that they won't be surprised. Even if surprised, they can spontaneously react - win win situation. :)

Indeed. I suggest making full use of your ability to improvise here.
 

Uytuun

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
1,633
MBTI Type
nnnn
okay since we're on the topic of relationships with INTJs. . . might as well chip in for questions.

It looks a bit as if you're talking to a child/scared animal. *soft tone* *smile slightly*...seriously? Assertively stand up for your own feelings and assume that she should be able to stand up for hers.
 
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