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Thread: Ask an INTJ

  1. #61
    Senior Member wildcat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rivercrow View Post
    Maybe we need a poll to see how many other people have been stalked by INTJs.
    Dont't you try.

    Besides.
    007 did not have the contact lenses on when she spotted the stalker.

  2. #62
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mycroft View Post
    This is actually related to something I've been running over and over in my mind, making myself bonkers the last few days. I am an extreme introvert. Which is not, of course, to say that I'm shy; I'm not shy at all. I have no problem talking to strangers or even doing the old "cold call" if I see a woman I think is attractive out in public. When I entered college I had pretty much no social skills whatsoever, but after making pretty much every social flub in the book I learned the ins and outs of human interaction and I'm fairly confident in my social skills.

    The problem is that I just can't maintain it very long at all. I posted a thread a while back soliciting small talk advice. The reason being, while I can handle a meet-and-greet or party chit-chat, in a work setting the small talk comes all day intermittently, and my ability to maintain the "small talk mode" gets taxed to the point where I have a headache by the end of every work day. People had good advice on ways to make due that have been a help, but recently I've just decided to hell with it, and don't try to pass myself off as anything other than the giant introvert that I am. (I can tell one of the women I work with thinks I'm a fat asshole now. It's a bit ironic since I can tell she's an introvert, too, albeit of the "S" variety.)

    What I've been going nuts running over in my mind is this dilemma: I'm damn tired of maintaining that front. I've learned how to do it, I've proven to myself that I can, but I'm tired of all of the mental effort that goes into it, not to mention how all of that mental energy could be better spent on my thoughts and theories! The problem is that I am, however, an NTJ and I don't abide by a lack of cordiality and respect very well. When I reveal myself to be an introvert, many people seem to think that means they can blow me off or otherwise treat me like a chump. I'm trying to figure out how to strike a proper balance.

    If people have recommendations or what have you, I'm officially soliciting advice.
    There are several ways to approach your problem but none of them are surefire bets. I can tell you what I do when I don't want to be bothered with people, but don't want to appear impolite or unsociable.

    1. Approach before you're approached. Sometimes I'll just go up to my coworkers and say hello (or briefly chit chat) at the beginning of the day and I'm usually left alone for the rest of the day. People seem content that you've satisfied some social requirements and they'll be chill with you.

    2. Planned events This one is similar to the first, but it's longer than the water cooler talk. If you want people off your case without coming off like an asshole, you're probably going to have to hang out with them once a month for an extended amount of time. My division does the work for us by having a quarterly lunch when everyone must mingle. Don't avoid these, just suck it up and go. People remember the person who sat in their office and didn't go (and THEY ARE talked about) rather than the person who showed up for 20 minutes and left.

      If your coworkers are going to happy hour, go with them every month or two to show that you're not approachable.

    3. Be a leech I know that sounds bad, but find someone more extroverted than yourself and be around them, laugh with them in a group, and drop a comment or two. People will think you're interacting too when it's the extrovert who is and you're just tagging along for the ride. Find an extrovert you like or don't mind so much and if you feel comfortable explain the situation to them. One of my introverted friends told me and I cover for her. When she gets tired, she leaves.

      Now this one is a trade off. You can't find an extrovert and bask in their glory for nothing. The extrovert will probably start to like you and you'll find them coming to your office to chat. You're just going to have to deal with it. Better to deal with one than many. But hopefully if they know your situation and that you're making an effort. It really depends on the extrovert. When I visit my introverted friends they're usually happy for the company they just don't want a stream of visitors throughout the day.

    4. Wear headphones Another coworker told me when she doesn't want to be bothered she puts on her headphones. She's not even listening to anything, but it works like a charm! I do it too!

    5. Rearrange your working space I'm not very sure of this but I notice I'm more hesitant to bother people with their back to the door rather than people facing the door. I have no clue, but it may work.


    Like I said before this isn't surefire, but it does deflect some unwanted contact. Hope this helps
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  3. #63
    Senior Member sriv's Avatar
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    1. What kind of personality do you take at your work and how might you guess people perceive you?

    When I go to work, I am IsTJ. TOthers respect my work ethic, responsibility, and they percieve me as serious.

    2. Does this personality style and perception of you represent how you would ideally like to be in your work environment? (i.e. how would you like to be perceived and what might you like to do differently in the social group that you find yourself not being able to do as often?)

    Well, it works for work. Not necessarily for social interaction.

    3. How would you handle yourself in a work environment that was strongly dominated by more Fs than Ts such as yourself?

    I would be a foundation of rationality, logic, and level-headedness. I would probably pretend to empathize with their problems and joys.

    How do you stay motivated to perform during your studies/job?

    I tell myself that if I do not, I am screwed. It helps a lot.

    Do you usually know what your next step will be? i.e. are you usually confident in your next move?

    In important cases, I always know what my next step will be. I do not make a move unless I have a certain degree of confidence in it.

    Do you mostly think in terms of sequencing?

    All the time.

    Are you careful about your hair and do your eyes look sleepy and distant?

    Hair: When important I am careful. Most of the times, not really.

    Eyes: All the time.
    Reyson: ...If you were to change your ways, I'm sure we could rebuild the relationship the two of us once shared.

    Naesala: Oh no, that I could never do. You see, humans are essential to the fulfillment of my ambitions.

    Reyson: You've changed, Naesala. If this is the path you've chosen, I've nothing left to say.

  4. #64
    Magical Firelie's Avatar
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    Do people you meet and interact with think you're an introvert, or are they surprised when they find out?

    Yeah, they know. There's no mistaking me for an extrovert. I can't even manage to seem extroverted when I'm trying.

  5. #65
    Junior Member plebert's Avatar
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    i love INTJs. i love the sarcasm and the appearance of arrogance. sigh. you guys are so cool. i need to find out how to meet a (healthy, not stalkerish) INTJ guy and have him fall in love with me...any hints????? hehe

    ps: i have had quite a few INTJ stalkers. not fun. persistence is not always sexy.
    "Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable, let's prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all."

  6. #66
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by plebert View Post
    i love INTJs. i love the sarcasm and the appearance of arrogance. sigh. you guys are so cool. i need to find out how to meet a (healthy, not stalkerish) INTJ guy and have him fall in love with me...any hints????? hehe

    ps: i have had quite a few INTJ stalkers. not fun. persistence is not always sexy.
    Most INTJs prefer to stay at home, so, I guess.. you have to become a stalker How ironic.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  7. #67
    Junior Member plebert's Avatar
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    hmm. this poses a problem. as usually breaking and entering is a crime...
    "Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable, let's prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all."

  8. #68
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by plebert View Post
    hmm. this poses a problem. as usually breaking and entering is a crime...
    Knock.. and tell them your interested in discussing the [insert new or interesting scientific] theory. They might answer. Or hide in the corner due to social phobia.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  9. #69
    Junior Member plebert's Avatar
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    not all INTJs are socially retarded though. and really, i don't think they're hiding from phobia so much, more like they're annoyed you interrupted their burgeoning epiphany.
    "Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable, let's prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all."

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mycroft View Post
    This is actually related to something I've been running over and over in my mind, making myself bonkers the last few days. I am an extreme introvert. Which is not, of course, to say that I'm shy; I'm not shy at all. I have no problem talking to strangers or even doing the old "cold call" if I see a woman I think is attractive out in public. When I entered college I had pretty much no social skills whatsoever, but after making pretty much every social flub in the book I learned the ins and outs of human interaction and I'm fairly confident in my social skills.

    The problem is that I just can't maintain it very long at all. I posted a thread a while back soliciting small talk advice. The reason being, while I can handle a meet-and-greet or party chit-chat, in a work setting the small talk comes all day intermittently, and my ability to maintain the "small talk mode" gets taxed to the point where I have a headache by the end of every work day. People had good advice on ways to make due that have been a help, but recently I've just decided to hell with it, and don't try to pass myself off as anything other than the giant introvert that I am. (I can tell one of the women I work with thinks I'm a fat asshole now. It's a bit ironic since I can tell she's an introvert, too, albeit of the "S" variety.)

    What I've been going nuts running over in my mind is this dilemma: I'm damn tired of maintaining that front. I've learned how to do it, I've proven to myself that I can, but I'm tired of all of the mental effort that goes into it, not to mention how all of that mental energy could be better spent on my thoughts and theories! The problem is that I am, however, an NTJ and I don't abide by a lack of cordiality and respect very well. When I reveal myself to be an introvert, many people seem to think that means they can blow me off or otherwise treat me like a chump. I'm trying to figure out how to strike a proper balance.

    If people have recommendations or what have you, I'm officially soliciting advice.
    I'm glad someone else has noticed how energetically taxing it is to try and think and act as an extrovert, when you're a very natural introvert. It takes a lot of work, and for whatever reason, just takes a lot of freakin energy and focus, and just the right state of mind.

    My theory on this is based on somewhat of a metaphysical/quantum physics/ spiritualist standpoint. That being, we all as revealed through MBTI have strong and week functions in our psyche. The fact is, what and how we think shapes how we view the world, and really what manifests in our world. It is the deciding factor to how our lives form around us, the kind of people we attract, what we can achieve, etc. The fact that we have strengths and weaknesses in parts of our psyche also means that the strongest parts of us are what most strongly effect our reality. Those functions are where most of our energy is channeled through. To take a weaker function and bring forth as much energy through it as your natural dominant functions is like trying to suck molasses through a straw. It takes a great deal of effort and energy to get much to come through that narrow space, so much so that it may not even be worth trying to rely upon it as much as your true dominant functions. That is not to say that trying isn't a worthy endeavor. Trying helps us to develop those weaker functions. But for the most part, those functions will never have as much space for energy to flow through as our dominant functions. Perhaps if we lived for hundreds of years, that level of development could be realized, but alas, we only have so much time and so much energy.

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