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Thread: Ask an INTJ

  1. #481
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    Yeah... Sometimes in my leveraging, I can turn that self-frustration on somebody else via weapons-grade sarcasm and cutting remarks. Generally I'll just be an ass if I do that, and I'm not ever proud of what happens when I do. It's not their fault I'm feeling this way, I have to remind myself.
    And, of course, I'll start to get paranoid and project bad motives onto people that don't really feel hostile towards me... Though I'm not sure if that's just me being a 6 that affects that particular (mis)usage of Se.
    Thanks very much. You've really helped to clarify an INTJ's actions for me!

  2. #482
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    What do you INTJ's most appreciate/need in times when you are really really down and upset about things, feel you've screwed something up, and have reached a point of near-apathy as a result? (after having gone through frustration/extreme anger?) What don't you appreciate/what does not help? (this is specifically work related for him, but you can take this and apply it to your life in general, because for him, it all ties together anyway).

    I know what I have done in similar situations in the past, I am just wondering if it actually IS what you most need so would like to hear your thoughts.
    Physical comfort from my SO is good, without the need to talk. This gives me my mental space, but lets me feel (literally) I'm not alone. I can be snapped out of it temporarily by a crisis or other serious need, but the effect isn't lasting unless my mind in the background has already managed to find the seeds of a solution. As others have said, enjoyable and engaging distractions can be good. The best way to get over the situation, though, is to address whatever caused it, and that is usually something I have do to on my own.

    I usually hate for people to offer suggestions to me, since I rarely hear anything I haven't already considered and discounted for good reason. Now I have to waste time and energy explaining all that to them. Better for them just to leave me alone. A good suggestion would, indeed, be welcome but is very rare.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  3. #483
    Senior Member knight's Avatar
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    Dating an INTJ


    what are some things to expect?

  4. #484
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jenaphor View Post
    How does an INTJ break out of a Ni-Fi loop?

    Maybe it is just me but I am much more often in Ni-Te loop.
    (if that is what you are asking)

  5. #485
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    Maybe it is just me but I am much more often in Ni-Te loop.
    (if that is what you are asking)
    What is actually being asked is...

    Quote Originally Posted by What was really asked
    Why was I so dumb to listen to simulatedworld?

  6. #486
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    Yeah... Sometimes in my leveraging, I can turn that self-frustration on somebody else via weapons-grade sarcasm and cutting remarks. Generally I'll just be an ass if I do that, and I'm not ever proud of what happens when I do. It's not their fault I'm feeling this way, I have to remind myself.
    And, of course, I'll start to get paranoid and project bad motives onto people that don't really feel hostile towards me... Though I'm not sure if that's just me being a 6 that affects that particular (mis)usage of Se.
    Oh nice, excellent answer.

  7. #487
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    Yeah... Sometimes in my leveraging, I can turn that self-frustration on somebody else via weapons-grade sarcasm and cutting remarks. Generally I'll just be an ass if I do that, and I'm not ever proud of what happens when I do. It's not their fault I'm feeling this way, I have to remind myself.
    And, of course, I'll start to get paranoid and project bad motives onto people that don't really feel hostile towards me... Though I'm not sure if that's just me being a 6 that affects that particular (mis)usage of Se.
    This is an excellent way of describing it. I always think of it like teenage angst wrapped in a conspiracy theory while Paranoia by the Kinks plays in the background.

    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    What I do for myself:
    "What the [expletive] do you think you're doing, moping around about some [expletive] [expletive] of a [problem]? This does not matter to you! You're [expletive] better than this, and you're not going to let this [expletive] [problem] get you down. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and go do something productive, you [expletive] [expletive] [expletive]."
    Right.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  8. #488
    Dependable Skeleton Engineer's Avatar
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    Not to be all... finger-pointy? I suppose is the correct term... but a fairly good example of what I just mentioned would be InvisibleJim's recent attack of the nasties. Any of the mods should be pretty familiar with this, and I myself was quite surprised to see him act out like that. In my opinion, he's going through a similar situation that I too went through a couple months ago, but attacking people online instead of people in real life (like I did). Behavior's still inexcusable, but perhaps now it's a bit understandable...
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  9. #489
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Hi INTJ's,

    What would you consider to be a good question asked to you?

    More questions may follow depending on your answer.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  10. #490
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Engineer View Post
    What I do for myself:
    "What the [expletive] do you think you're doing, moping around about some [expletive] [expletive] of a [problem]? This does not matter to you! You're [expletive] better than this, and you're not going to let this [expletive] [problem] get you down. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and go do something productive, you [expletive] [expletive] [expletive]."
    Oh yes... I'm familiar with this. This is definitely what he does! But him beating himself up ends up furthering the downward spiral. He really gets down about himself sometimes.

    What I like from others (female, close):
    "There, there." [hug] "Let's sit down and talk about this, and I'll suggest a few solutions tentatively while you lean on my shoulder, both physically and figuratively. You don't have to be my rock all the time. I'm here for you."
    This is generally what I tend to do. I mostly listen. He tends not to want suggestions, simply because as Coriolis alluded to, he has spent all his waking hours thinking through all of the various things anyway; and, I know he knows far more of the situation and what would/wouldn't work than I do, AND what HE actually wants. The physical touch/presence thing only works though when we actually have plans to see each other. Since we don't live together, the random hug isn't really possible... which is too bad because I think that can help.

    The particular situation that is causing him distress has been going on for quite a long time, and he has talked about it over the past year; he's been open about it and I know how much it upsets him/affects him. He's been in a bit of a limbo state regarding all of it too for a while... which adds to the stress. He's still figuring out what exactly he wants/needs to do regarding it. It is only the recent sh*t-hit-the-fan element of it that has completely put him near the end of his rope, I think, and he has totally pulled back and states he does NOT want to talk about it because it's 'nothing new' and he doesn't want to see or talk to anyone. So, I'm giving him space. I don't think there's anything else I can do at this point. He's isolating himself very firmly.

    (which honestly...isn't terribly unknown to me. As an INFJ e5, I am quite familiar with this tendency - this desire to go into my cave and figure everything out on my own. What is different is that even if I push people away, if they still show that they want to see me, then I want them and I want that presence. That melts me. It's like he hits these walls where he doesn't want anything to do with anyone, in whatever capacity...he's so hard on himself. )
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