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Thread: Ask an INTJ

  1. #241
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gengar View Post
    okay since we're on the topic of relationships with INTJs. . . might as well chip in for questions.

    Needless to say any further, I am another sensitive INFP who's fallen for a strongass INTJ. She's very strong especially on the I T and J. Less so for N.

    We're approaching our graduation ball, and I think she's off to the UK or staying in Hong Kong for university. I am staying in Hong Kong for university.

    So INTJ women/men, put yourself in her shoes for a moment and if someone relatively close to you said this to you during the graduation ball how would you react? Her name in this case is Gillian.

    <Normally before graduation ball, there is time for people to take photos and generally chit chat. This is when I approach her wherever she is.>

    "Hey Gillian!" <her response should be 'hey'> "Can you come with me somewhere more private for about a minute? I have something to ask you about unis and the future."

    <Ideally, we can find somewhere private and nice to sit down>

    "Okay so, don't freak out now. <without stopping for any pause> wo dui ni yau gan jue <Chinese for 'I have feelings for you'>"

    <At this point, she'll either freak out and leave or she'll stay and listen. Given that she stays and listens for a bit longer>

    "I'm telling you this now because I want to be genuine and honest with you. I don't want us to dissolve into nothing and never breathe a word to one another ever again after this ball. I am pretty sure that with our introverted personalities, we'll lose contact as soon as you're in the UK, and I didn't want that to happen without you knowing this single piece of information. <pause for a bit, but not long, In a very soft tone now> Sometimes I wish that I could help you a bit more. Like maths for example. You always needed help for it, but I was never able to give any. For any of your other subjects, it was probably I who needed the help more than you did! <smile slightly. Pace a bit faster now> But perhaps that's exactly the reason why I enjoy your company. <short pause awaiting her response. If she has no response. . .> "I know we won't have much chance being together, we have, afterall, only a few months left. What do you think/how do you feel (not sure which one)? I've always wanted to hear your thoughts."

    <end>


    So, given that we're quite good friends, how would you react? Any room for improvements?

    I can't speak for all the INTJ women (maybe this just applies to people in general?), but honestly, say it how you want, but maybe preface it with 'You don't have to respond right now and we can talk about this later... but...'

    After you've had your say, if she seems like she doesn't have a ready response, let her off the hook for a bit so she can think about what you said. She'll think about it, trust me. Depending on how patient you are, you could give her a specific time when you two can meet up and discuss, or you can tell her to get back to you when she is ready. (The second one would make me more nervous than the first.)

    She may not take you up on your offer to wait... in which case she'll dive right in to her response. If she does that, she's probably already thought about this possibility (to a great extent) and knows her answer. If she does this, take her at her word. My guess is if she's true to form, she won't give a solid answer unless she's thought it through. If she's blindsided by it and hasn't considered the possibility before, she'll need time to process.

    Just my two-cents
    Embrace the possibilities.

  2. #242
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    do you get teased alot? i dont mean in a nasty way. this came in my mind when we were hanging with my INTJ friend and two friends of his from his work place and they told that he gets alot of teasing at his work place due to his oblivious nature about anything that isnt based on concrete facts. i have teased him alot about it too during the 12 years i have known him, he says that im trolling him all the time. funny thing is that he wasnt even aware of how much people tease him at work because he is so oblivious about it too.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  3. #243
    Senior Member Owlesque's Avatar
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    The only thing I get teased about (at least to my face) is my stony expression. Someone at work called me Grumpy behind my back for a couple of months, and he was hilariously mortified when it got back to me though I was completely indifferent. Nobody has dared to say anything worse yet, lol. One of my (apparently masochistic) coworkers does have a habit of getting me to fire off sharp comments by purposely acting irrationally and/or stupid when I'm around, though, which is fun.

  4. #244
    Junior Member Automator's Avatar
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    I don't get teased. That could just be because I'm not aware of it either.

  5. #245
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Both of the INTJs I'm friends with have tendencies to be incredibly negative - to focus only on the bad things that happen to them (which might be Ni? because my INFJ friends do that too), or to focus only on what people are doing wrong (which could be Te?).

    My question is: Is that common with INTJs? I know that INTJs will ALWAYS call people out on their bullshit (and I like that about them), but is there usually some positivity that counterbalances it? Is it because I know them well, that they stop being cheerful and start venting? I don't quite get it
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  6. #246
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    At the risk of greatly oversimplifying: INTJs love to fix and improve things, but things that are already going well don't need fixing, and improvements aren't urgent. This probably causes us to focus more on the negatives than the positives, since these are the things that stand out as requiring more immediate attention. The positive that counterbalances this is that the INTJ usually has ideas on how to address negative situations, however urgent or dire, and may even be ready and willing to implement them.

  7. #247
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    At the risk of greatly oversimplifying: INTJs love to fix and improve things, but things that are already going well don't need fixing, and improvements aren't urgent. This probably causes us to focus more on the negatives than the positives, since these are the things that stand out as requiring more immediate attention. The positive that counterbalances this is that the INTJ usually has ideas on how to address negative situations, however urgent or dire, and may even be ready and willing to implement them.
    OK... so it's just like with ESTJs then i.e. lots of helpful Te, but not enough F to understand that they sound negative and pessimistic all the time. (And if you were oversimplifying, I did so much worse than you, right there. )
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
    Coriolis: "Is that the ESTJ Serenity Prayer?"



    ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
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    want to ask me something? go for it!

  8. #248
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Both of the INTJs I'm friends with have tendencies to be incredibly negative - to focus only on the bad things that happen to them (which might be Ni? because my INFJ friends do that too), or to focus only on what people are doing wrong (which could be Te?).

    My question is: Is that common with INTJs? I know that INTJs will ALWAYS call people out on their bullshit (and I like that about them), but is there usually some positivity that counterbalances it? Is it because I know them well, that they stop being cheerful and start venting? I don't quite get it
    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    OK... so it's just like with ESTJs then i.e. lots of helpful Te, but not enough F to understand that they sound negative and pessimistic all the time. (And if you were oversimplifying, I did so much worse than you, right there. )
    Another way to look at this is that your perception is that they are being negative. Are they really being negative? How does one define that? They actually might be quite positive about a situation overall but are simply focusing on those items that can be improved upon. I have noticed this at times over the years that there are certain people who perceive my tendency to look for areas of improvement as negative but it is not the majority of people by any stretch of the imagination who feel this way. When it happens, I am usually surprised and a little annoyed. I feel like saying, "No - you're missing the point. There is just this one thing that needs improving. Stop getting in the way of that."

    One way to look at this is that it has something to do with projection. That is, you are noticing this critical attitude they have, which mirrors your own behavior at times, yet you have difficulty admitting. We all do this and when we do, we exaggerate the negative quality in the other.

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  9. #249
    Senior Member guesswho's Avatar
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    Questions for INTJs:

    How much time do you spend planning.. let's say..on an average day?
    Do you stick to your plans?
    Do they make you feel more comfortable?
    Have you ever tried not planning anything at all, to see where it gets you?
    Do you plan conversations?
    Can you relate to most people, on an intellectual level? Or even in simple conversations?

  10. #250
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    How much time do you spend planning.. let's say..on an average day?

    Not much on average. It goes in spurts. I can spend hours or nothing at all.

    Do you stick to your plans?

    Some - religiously. Others, not very well. I tend to be too ambitious with what I expect of myself and realistic on what I can expect of others.

    Do they make you feel more comfortable?

    Plans? Sure!!! They're great. I don't like chaos and disorganization.

    Have you ever tried not planning anything at all, to see where it gets you?

    I don't plan a lot of things. You can't operate in life trying to plan everything. I don't plan weekends at all for instance. On weekends, I enjoy not having pressure to do anything in particular. In business, I do see how some people are quite effective in flying by the seat of their pants. I like to be prepared. That isn't necessarily all planning though.

    Do you plan conversations?

    Sometimes yes. If I'm trying to convince somebody of something or have to talk through a difficult issue, I can plan out what I'm going to say in advance.

    Can you relate to most people, on an intellectual level? Or even in simple conversations?

    I don't know what you mean.

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