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Thread: Ask an INTJ

  1. #131
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    Thank You,Trinity
    Thats exactly what i thought
    I N V I C T U S

  2. #132
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Emotions are tricky because I think the types experience them in a different way...I can feel very strongly about something, but it's not about the things other people would care about. E.g. recently I got excessively frustrated and indignant/angry because I felt that a professor had not treated me entirely fair...it didn't really do me any significant harm in the long run, but the principle was just wrong. I wouldn't mind much if my brother forgot to ask about my grades though. It's not that I don't care about people at all, but I think that in a way it would be harder for me to deal with a breach of trust than with some loved one passing away. I think that positive emotions are more problematic than negative emotions, in a way.

    See...it's more about concepts.

    My emotional life is fairly constant (except when I'm infatuated), but I wonder, why does F come before T? Why do feelings get rationalised? Why is feeling the basic norm?

  3. #133
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    From the INTJ Forum - It seems INTJs develop friendships slowly, and relationships even slower.

    I agree w/ this, but why do INTJs have to be so difficult and complicated? And how do you know when you’re actually in a relationship with an INTJ? This probably sounds like a stupid question, but I’m confused by an INTJ.

    I’m currently involved w/ this INTJ male and I say “involved” because I really don’t know what we are doing. We have know each other for approximately 2 years and played the attraction game (flirting & calling each other, etc.) until I finally made the first move on him about 3 months ago. He said that he was attracted to me, but didn’t want to make the first move. So these last 3 months we have been having sex weekly and he calls me anywhere from 3 – 5 times a week and we talk for several hours. The thing is we never hang out w/ each other friends. He said he don’t think he is comfortable yet. I just find this strange after all this time. Also I would like to see him more. Of course I don’t tell him this; on occasion when he calls, I’ll tell him that I was thinking about him, and he’ll ask why I didn’t call him. I don’t want to tell him that if I called him every time I thought of him, his phone would be constantly ringing! I guess I just want more from him, but I don’t know how to approach him with this. Also I’ve thought that perhaps we are just “friends with benefits,” but then again, I don’t really need to talk to a friend with benefits for several hours a week. I just feel I’ve invested a lot into this guy, and am not getting enough back.

    Any comments or suggestions?

  4. #134
    Queen hunter Virtual ghost's Avatar
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    If the person is very INTJ. He/she will not have a real relationships.
    Friends whit benefits is as far he/she will go in this sphere and there is a possibility that he/she will stay like this for the rest of their lifes.

    Probably he is not totally INTJ from what I see. So just go slow in this situation.

  5. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by IcePrincess View Post
    From the INTJ Forum - It seems INTJs develop friendships slowly, and relationships even slower.I agree w/ this, but why do INTJs have to be so difficult and complicated?
    INTJs aren't really complicated. See the first sentence of your post. That's a big part of what it boils down to. They take a long time to assess if another person is worthy of making a commitment to. Not just romantic relationships, but relationships in general. It takes years to really get to know someone. Your not going to get him to make any sort of huge leap at your current stage. If he says he's uncomfortable, respect that. He is being open and honest with you.

    INTJs can and do have 'real' relationships. However, be warned that it is a long process from their side. Not only that, but they aren't demonstrative of how they feel for you in an obvious way. If he is talking to you for hours at a time, than he is genuinely interested in more than your body. It doesn't seem like much to you, but it's probably a big deal for him to take time out of his day to include you in his world. These subtle interactions are how INTJs show interest.

  6. #136
    Diabolical Kasper's Avatar
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    From my point of view if I was involved with someone like you’ve described it would be all or nothing emotionally even if you couldn’t necessarily see this. The hanging out as friends aspect that is missing is a concern though, check out some of the other threads on INTJf and you’ll see that quality time with our loved ones is rated very highly, on the other hand calling 3-5 times a week and talking for several hours is huge for an INTJ.

    Difficult and complicated? Not really, more so guarded and analytical. How do you know when you’re in a relationship? Ask, we’ll generally tell you bluntly where we are at, seriously that’s the best way, he may be holding back not wanting to reveal his true feelings, like with initiating the romance you may need to initiate this as well.

  7. #137
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    If the person is very INTJ. He/she will not have a real relationships.
    Friends whit benefits is as far he/she will go in this sphere and there is a possibility that he/she will stay like this for the rest of their lifes.
    There is quite a difference between an INTJ and a sociopath.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  8. #138
    Senior Member helen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    There is quite a difference between an INTJ and a sociopath.
    LOL
    "There ain't no doubt in no one's mind that love's the finest thing around. Whisper something soft and kind." --James Taylor

  9. #139
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antisocial one View Post
    If the person is very INTJ. He/she will not have a real relationships.
    Friends whit benefits is as far he/she will go in this sphere and there is a possibility that he/she will stay like this for the rest of their lifes.
    What is "very" INTJ?
    Why can this person not have "real" relationships?
    Why is "friends with benefits" the furthest you think this person will romantically proceed?
    Why is this relevant to the INTJ?

    It sounds like you are grafting (odd) stereotypes.

    ....

    On a personal note, I find the branding of the INTJ as summarily incapable of normal emotional transaction - romance; friendship; congeniality, etc. - to be a frustrating exercise in ignorance and cliche'.

    The same, worn-out themes are more indicative of weak storytelling than legitimately descriptive of a group of people.

    Adding these qualities distorts community perception and brings about obfuscation (which, in a field like Type theory can really Astrologize things further...).

  10. #140
    unscannable Tigerlily's Avatar
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    I think Haphazard and Trinity are swaying my opinion of INTJ's females. Keep fighting the good fight ladies.
    Time is a delicate mistress.

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