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  1. #41
    Senior Member Maabus1999's Avatar
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    I scale my conversations but I can NOT do small talk/chit chat. I've practiced for awhile but it is like forcing me to be not myself every time. The only way I can continue on is if they start a topic up and then I can discuss (analyze secretly) with them, no matter what it is. Sometimes I may pick up on something with my intuition and described a personal experience/story that normally can captivate someone.

    If someone will listen to me, most likely they will be in for a long ride...

  2. #42
    Branded with Satan murkrow's Avatar
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    Generally we talk about the possible methods of taking down democracy.
    wails from the crypt.

  3. #43
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    I am an INTJ and there is only a handful of people - what I call the entourage or my little cabinet - that I can discuss meaningful things with. To be sure, feebleness, meekness and shyness will not be rewarded by an INTJ. I have a deep-seated respect for introverts but when they are also meek and shy - well - I avoid these people. For an INTJ, there is nothing worse then being trapped working with a shy person who has a predefined set of priorities but is too meek to publish what he or she wants/values and instead requires the INTJ to extract these preferences. If you have a preference, come out and say so.

    Hot topics include politics, philosophy, interesting history, economics, psychology, chess, strategy, business, etc. I dislike explaining things to SFs although they can be really playful and can lighten up the spirit of an INTJ.

  4. #44
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cality View Post
    The only INJ I know is american. I am french.
    We use to talk a lot on french/american history, sociology and cultural differences... Culture analysis and sometimes political differences (diplomatie)...
    Which part of France are you from? I am interested in sociology. Smth you said I just can't get out of my head. You said, "those wierd people who live in front of the country you've been raise in". I would have thought that if you live in France you would say "those wierd people next door". Why would you think of France as "in front of England"--is it smth in the French culture?

  5. #45
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    I laughed when I read the OP saying "it sounds like we're not close if all we talk about is business", because my mom and sister are like, joint at the hip and yet all they ever talk about is what they're cooking for dinner and the new lamps/cushions/other pointless interior 'must-haves' they've bought recently. Those are things I'd consider 'neutral topics' that are safe to talk about with people you don't know very well, but they're dull, bland, boring and nothing I really care about so I'd be hoping to move onto the 'real conversations' when I get to know the person better. Yet they are perfectly content to talk about that stuff all the time, and they are close.

    My INTJ friend and I talk about all sorts of things. Really there is no limit to what we talk about, but it's rarely people - well, not individual people (not gossip! lol) but we do talk about people as in 'society' quite a bit. And science and history and places to go and vacations and all sorts. Quite often we're just talking about mundane, day to day stuff cos that's what we're doing together so the talk is sorta 'on topic'. But we are very close - occasionally we talk about our problems together, in a very textbook NT kind of way, y'know, describing and defining the problem, analyzing it and working out solutions that make sense.

    In the years we've known each other we've definitely influenced each other - he's made me more organized and I've made him a bit more laid-back and talkative
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  6. #46
    Striving for balance Little Linguist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    I laughed when I read the OP saying "it sounds like we're not close if all we talk about is business", because my mom and sister are like, joint at the hip and yet all they ever talk about is what they're cooking for dinner and the new lamps/cushions/other pointless interior 'must-haves' they've bought recently. Those are things I'd consider 'neutral topics' that are safe to talk about with people you don't know very well, but they're dull, bland, boring and nothing I really care about so I'd be hoping to move onto the 'real conversations' when I get to know the person better. Yet they are perfectly content to talk about that stuff all the time, and they are close.

    My INTJ friend and I talk about all sorts of things. Really there is no limit to what we talk about, but it's rarely people - well, not individual people (not gossip! lol) but we do talk about people as in 'society' quite a bit. And science and history and places to go and vacations and all sorts. Quite often we're just talking about mundane, day to day stuff cos that's what we're doing together so the talk is sorta 'on topic'. But we are very close - occasionally we talk about our problems together, in a very textbook NT kind of way, y'know, describing and defining the problem, analyzing it and working out solutions that make sense.

    In the years we've known each other we've definitely influenced each other - he's made me more organized and I've made him a bit more laid-back and talkative
    Okay, I am definitely not NT, much less INTJ, but I am pretty sure I have an INTJ/P husband, and I have to say I agree with what a lot of you said. Although I have no problems talking about banal things if it makes the person feel more comfy, if you want to keep me engaged, the relationship - be it a friendship, family, acquaintances or even my husband - has to progress into "important" things. That means talking about philosophy, politics, history, current events, relationships, feelings, experiences, beliefs, etc. I mean, I can talk about the weather or fashion with ANYONE. So what is the point of having a strong connection with you if you cannot go "beyond the basics"?

    On the other hand, you do not have to tell me your whole life story the first time I meet you - unless of course, you feel comfy enough with me and need to share. That's cool. Sometimes you just 'click' with someone. But some people just don't like talking about their personal feelings or experiences initially - they need time to warm up. I respect and honor that because it makes the relationship that much more special when they DO finally open up to you.

    However, if we are still talking about the weather after two weeks of intense contact or after three months of periodic contact, something is definitely amiss and I will likely lose interest.

    Does that make sense? I hope so.
    If you are interested in language, words, linguistics, or foreign languages, check out my blog and read, post, and/or share.

  7. #47
    Member Jughead's Avatar
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    Yesterday I linked my INTJ friend to an article about an evolution experiment using computer chips and he told me he wanted to take the article behind the middle school and get it pregnant. I love INTJs.

    I talk about a LOT of random shit with my INTJ friends. I don't think we have any specific topics that we like to talk about.
    "He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which."
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  8. #48
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maabus1999 View Post
    I scale my conversations but I can NOT do small talk/chit chat. I've practiced for awhile but it is like forcing me to be not myself every time.
    Yeah, hanging out with me has made my INTJ more able to do this and see the point of it, and even actually enjoy it

    When we first got to know each other it was over a very intellectual pursuit, so I sorta won his respect with my knowledge and stuff, but then when later we had to both go to this function and he saw me having a great time and chit chatting away with people it confused him cos he'd previously only associated the ability to do that with shallow/dumb people. We had many conversations about it and he's gradually realized it can fulfill a very useful purpose. Once he saw the strategic benefit of it, he began to embrace it and now when we both socialize together, if I weren't there by way of contrast you'd almost think he was the ENTP

    Little Linguist - as usual, what you say makes total sense to me.

    LostIn - France and England don't consider each other 'next door' or 'neighbours'. To England, France is 'over the water'. To France, England is 'that crazy island'. There is a yawning chasm of cultural differences, believe me. Continental vs island mentality... big, big, some seemingly irreconcilable differences.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

    "When it all comes down to dust
    I will kill you if I must
    I will help you if I can" - Leonard Cohen

  9. #49
    Senior Member LostInNerSpace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    LostIn - France and England don't consider each other 'next door' or 'neighbours'. To England, France is 'over the water'. To France, England is 'that crazy island'. There is a yawning chasm of cultural differences, believe me. Continental vs island mentality... big, big, some seemingly irreconcilable differences.
    Yeah. You're probably right. Just a culture thing I suppose.

  10. #50
    Senior Member Simplexity's Avatar
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    I actually laugh at my conversations with my INTJ dad. He is somehow more random and abstract than I am, at least in initiating conversations and introducing topics. His transitions are absurd(non-existant) It's like he doesn't hesitate to discuss the core root of a deep and loaded subject. It always sounds like he makes an assumption of the way something is and I sort of systematically try and attack his "statements" and expose some of the bias premises he invariably has.

    I guess you really get a sense of how lead they are by their intuitions. It seems like there is always some idealistic world in there that you only get to see brief little snippets of through his Te like statements, and and the only way to possibly get a good picture of it is to have him elaborate by asking the right questions. Its a very interesting dynamic because a lot of the times when were in discussions I default to being the clarifier, because he absolutely really does not care about transitioning or elaborating when you show that you can follow along.

    I really am curious as to how exactly Ni is like, he usually is more easily understood than me when teaching or explaining to others because of his Te( more likely I like to meander endlessly through things, he builds up in bite sizes) but when his Ni is given free reign it is absurd.

    Anybody else have experience with INTP/ENTP and INTJ conversations?
    My cold, snide, intellectual life is just a veneer, behind which lies the plywood of loneliness.

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