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  1. #11
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pv255 View Post
    when did you become so agreeable?
    You just happen to be correct this time.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  2. #12
    Anew Leaf
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    It's refreshing to see that this isn't a thread about an INTP male... although 15% of me is secretly expecting that he IS an INTP. (Go magic Si data point win!)

    Anyway... My advice would be to be completely honest and direct about what you want. If you want a relationship with him, then tell him that. If he gives you anything other than a direct answer back, then run because he isn't worth your time. Life's too short to play games or miss out on opportunities. This would kill two birds with one stone.

  3. #13
    Member Triforce's Avatar
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    No INTJ loves to talk about their feelings.
    I have this colleague that did for some time asked me how i feel.. early in the morning.. piss of with that i though.. what do you want? can i help you with something?
    He is a great guy btw.

    Why does he talk about the relationship? So boring. Sounds risky too if he got a dirty plan.

    Sure hes a INTJ?

    tell more about him.

    Friends with no intj experience in family or ex bf is out.

    If i like you i tell you so if im not afraid of the reaction. sometimes regardless on impulsiveness.

    You want to test him for a relationship? do you let him meet your kid? Has he meet anyone from the family?

    Think about those and how he would/does respond to those.


    Based upon the small amount of info you shared i would not have been really interested in conversing with you when you where in the middle of a breakup.

    And you should be wary of guys interested in girls right after/during a breakup. Its not the correct thing to do.

  4. #14
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Triforce View Post
    Why does he talk about the relationship? So boring. Sounds risky too if he got a dirty plan.
    talking about relationship makes it seem as if he would want to commit and have a proper relationship(but insert some excuses or actions that contradict this) and not just have sex. how do you expect to string the other person if she doesent think that there is some hope for relationship? -> its a good idea to talk about relationship if he has a dirty plan.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  5. #15
    Junior Member Aggieb's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by pv255 View Post
    In my opinion, if he hasnt taken meaningful steps to develop the relationship, he is just bidding time.
    Right on the money.

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    talking about relationship makes it seem as if he would want to commit and have a proper relationship(but insert some excuses or actions that contradict this) and not just have sex. how do you expect to string the other person if she doesent think that there is some hope for relationship? -> its a good idea to talk about relationship if he has a dirty plan.
    Right on the money!!

  6. #16
    Junior Member Aggieb's Avatar
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    I wish I had come to this forum sooner. Before my feelings for him had developed this much.

    Well, no more games. It's over.
    Last night he said that we have developed into platonic friends. He's met someone that's a better fit for him-sexually. He seems smittened with her. This is all AFTER we had sex and he said it (was a test) and it has validated his feelings that we are not sexually compatible. That really screwed me up. I had failed a test I didn't know I was sitting and had proven to him the invalidation of his feelings about us. This really hit me hard. He didn't even understand why I took it so badly.

    On hindsight, I had chosen not to see what a selfish user he was. I tried my best to please him but not once had he shown his appreciation. Alot of words (texts) yes...but I didn't see any actions with his words. Now he wants to be bff and me to be someone he can confide in! Maybe he thinks it's a gentler way of letting me down. But you generally treat your bff or a good friend far better than how he treated me.

    He is an INTJ. He thought and tested INTP years ago but I recently showed him INTJ description which I think described him 99.99% and he agreed.

  7. #17
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    But you can't really know how you would be together sexually until the soulfulness within the relationship is there. He sounds avoidant. Perhaps friends will be a positive relationship for you.
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    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  8. #18
    Controlled Mischief StephMC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aggieb View Post
    I wish I had come to this forum sooner. Before my feelings for him had developed this much.

    Well, no more games. It's over.
    Last night he said that we have developed into platonic friends. He's met someone that's a better fit for him-sexually. He seems smittened with her. This is all AFTER we had sex and he said it (was a test) and it has validated his feelings that we are not sexually compatible. That really screwed me up. I had failed a test I didn't know I was sitting and had proven to him the invalidation of his feelings about us. This really hit me hard. He didn't even understand why I took it so badly.

    On hindsight, I had chosen not to see what a selfish user he was. I tried my best to please him but not once had he shown his appreciation. Alot of words (texts) yes...but I didn't see any actions with his words. Now he wants to be bff and me to be someone he can confide in! Maybe he thinks it's a gentler way of letting me down. But you generally treat your bff or a good friend far better than how he treated me.

    He is an INTJ. He thought and tested INTP years ago but I recently showed him INTJ description which I think described him 99.99% and he agreed.
    Wow. That sounds pretty shitty. I commend you for showing self control and not kicking his ass when he said having sex with you was a "test". Unbelievable... yeah, not friend material.
    I have an inner monologue that sounds strikingly similar to something off Animal Planet.

  9. #19
    WhoCares
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aggieb View Post
    I am currently seeing an INTJ. I would somehow define our situation as NOT dating but going on dates.

    I feel that he has kinda ruled me out of the running. His reason being that I am not available (when we first met, I was discussing separation) but I have assured him many times that this is the least of our problem. Being intuitive, I am guessing there might be other reasons he's not willing to openly admit (I have a kid) or I don't match up to his standards, even to himself.

    What I don't get is this. Why does he still want to hang out with me? Didn't most if not all of the NTs here say that they would not waste their time pursuing something they think is not what they want?
    .
    Some friends have told me that this is a typical selfish user that's just keeping me around for his pleasure. What do you all think?
    I'm inclined to agree. When I want something I'm focused on it, pursue it to its logical end and am very clear about my intentions. Thats the J in me, I don't need to confuse people with 'oh gee, we're sooo good together but....'. My experience has been in relationships that men particularly will always drop not very subtle clues about how they intend to set relationship up with you. They normally tell you point blank but couch it in the words you want to hear. Its called sounding you out and they figure if they drop this bomb and you don't go running them they are set for a relationship on that basis.

    So what has he told you in ways meant to pull your heart strings while also sounding like big red flags to anyone not emotionally attached?

    Cut your losses before you are thoroughly hooked and end up brokenhearted when he fails to extend the commitment alluded to but never actually promised. People who want commitment with someone pursue commitment not intellectual musings on the subject interspersed with casual sex. The big red flag for me was when you said you've been on dates but weren't dating, sounds like he's firmly established the relationship he wants with you already.

  10. #20
    WhoCares
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aggieb View Post
    I wish I had come to this forum sooner. Before my feelings for him had developed this much.

    Well, no more games. It's over.
    Last night he said that we have developed into platonic friends. He's met someone that's a better fit for him-sexually. He seems smittened with her. This is all AFTER we had sex and he said it (was a test) and it has validated his feelings that we are not sexually compatible. That really screwed me up. I had failed a test I didn't know I was sitting and had proven to him the invalidation of his feelings about us. This really hit me hard. He didn't even understand why I took it so badly.

    On hindsight, I had chosen not to see what a selfish user he was. I tried my best to please him but not once had he shown his appreciation. Alot of words (texts) yes...but I didn't see any actions with his words. Now he wants to be bff and me to be someone he can confide in! Maybe he thinks it's a gentler way of letting me down. But you generally treat your bff or a good friend far better than how he treated me.

    He is an INTJ. He thought and tested INTP years ago but I recently showed him INTJ description which I think described him 99.99% and he agreed.
    Sorry for the way he's treated you. But not sorry the end game showed its hand so quickly, at least now you can move on and give up wondering where you went wrong. Guys like this are a waste of time and not your fault. He's seriously got a personality deficit.

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