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  1. #1
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Default Making emotions go away

    I'm posting this thread here because NT's are supposed to mostly not be emotional, or at least usually have good control over their emotions. If I'm wrong about this, please correct.

    Anyhow, as I've mentioned, emotions other than happiness and such tend to cause me problems. I have a pretty good handle on anger now, even though it's not perfect, but being upset is hard to deal with. I'm particularly concerned with being emotional at work or in public, or when I have something important to do. I saw a question on some test which asked if you can easily put your emotions aside in order to do your job, and I have to say no. If I feel really anxious, stressed, or upset, the emotions don't go away simply by telling myself they're inappropriate at the time. If I feel like crying it's impossible to stop myself. I've cried at work twice, and I tried my hardest not to.

    My preferred strategy is to just not get emotional. Most things don't upset me. I get upset over issues, and 2 in particular- if something happens which tells me I'm incompetent or if I feel like I am deprived of something. Really sad events upset me, so I avoid them. Unfortunately school and work are related to my sense of competence, so I am frequently stressed about school and have a tendency to get upset if I make a mistake at work.

    Lately I've been making myself relax and meditate more, and what I discovered is that if I sit still and don't have distractions, I have an underlying sense of panic. I wonder if this panic is there all the time and I just don't notice it.

    Anyway; panic, stress, anxiety, etc., sadness, loneliness, and whatever feelings are associated with lack and incompetence really interfere with my ability to do my job and schoolwork sometimes, and I'd really like it if there was some trick to being able to effectively ignore them long enough to get things done.

    I wondered what the experience of NT's is in particular with regard to dealing with emotions at inopportune times, and how you do it.

  2. #2
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    I should say that I like waiting tables, and if I'm able to see things positively enough to not feel like crying and I only feel sort of sad, then the activity of doing my job helps me cheer up all the way. Smiling and giving people food and making them happy makes me happy. (Although if I was just helping people without compensation it wouldn't make me nearly as happy.)

  3. #3
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    I've been through that... Once I started studying about 8+ hours a day, anxiety became a big concern.

    I suggest anxiety meds + moderate cardio workouts at least twice a week.

    You can't convince your mind that it's not reacting to things as it's supposed to, so you need an alternative route. And you can drastically improve your emotional health with a healthy lifestyle. Mens sana in corpore sano.

  4. #4
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    I've been through that... Once I started studying about 8+ hours a day, anxiety became a big concern.

    I suggest anxiety meds + moderate cardio workouts at least twice a week.

    You can't convince your mind that it's not reacting to things as it's supposed to, so you need an alternative route. And you can drastically improve your emotional health with a healthy lifestyle. Mens sana in corpore sano.
    Thanks for the reply. I know exercising is good for me, and it does relieve stress, but it's hard to fit it in and then I stress about that. :/ I know, excuses. That's probably most of the answer for the anxiety, exercise and meditation. I'd still have the issue of crying in the bathroom or wherever in those rare instances of being sad though...

  5. #5
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    While NT can be logical and detached I'm not sure they excel at being impervious to emotions, when they crawl from the inside. Anyway, numbing it may help you function better to some extent, but to completely remove it requires removing the source, not sweeping it under a rub with artifacts. Excluding external forces/events, more often then not we are our own devil and the inner turmoil is self created. There is professional help outside for this purpose, so in extreme cases, it may be a good idea to seek them.
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  6. #6
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    You can't just damper the emotions you don't like though... I've found that the times I've been detached and cold I have also been unhappy and somber... you end up killing off both sides. I can turn off my emotions for work, as I've done before, but I don't really like things that way.. I'd rather cry at work occasionally, or be angry at work sometimes, and be happy most of the time and pleasant to deal with and work with. Acting like a robot isn't any more convenient than the occasional emotional outburst.

    You may have a problem with anxiety and/or depression if you're very emotional but lack sources of happiness, joy, and other positive emotions in your daily life. But I don't think throwing emotions out the window is the answer.

    Being in the army, I understand it sometimes sucks to show any sort of weakness or incompetence in your job. Especially now that I'm in a leadership position and it's expected of me to pretty much act like a mechanical robot. But.. I take little joy out of those aspects of the job. I like what I do, and the symbolism behind it, and that it moves my dreams further.. but I talked to my family rarely, my friends even less, and completely submerge myself into that work so that I don't break character and act giddy and happy.. And then.. you just stop feeling that way. You stop being happy. Everything is just very apathetic.. You don't really care if it's dangerous, or if today was a good day, or if the food was prepared wrong, nothing. Its just a day. And then another day. It's convenient for the military, but it takes me a while to shake off that sensation and learn how to be myself again when I get home.. It's hard to be apathetic, so when I finally get it right, it is just as hard to throw that behavior away again and learn to just... be me. I'm still working on that right now, luckily this deployment was much smoother than my last one.
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  7. #7
    Kraken down on piracy Lux's Avatar
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    I understand this. I used to be quite emotionally distant from myself, and then.. I wasn't, random things got to me, and it was not something I could control, which was odd for me, annoying. I think I just bottled everything up and then emotions were released at moments that didn't quite fit. What I do now is I do meditate, but I also have a particular way to deal with emotions. Sometimes I will force myself into situations that will allow intense feelings to surface, I do it while alone though. That seems to release the pent up emotion for me to have a genuine handle on it when I need to. By allowing them and not invalidating them, but on my own terms seems to be what works for me. Maybe it will help, I hope it does.
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  8. #8
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lux View Post
    I understand this. I used to be quite emotionally distant from myself, and then.. I wasn't, random things got to me, and it was not something I could control, which was odd for me, annoying. I think I just bottled everything up and then emotions were released at moments that didn't quite fit. What I do now is I do meditate, but I also have a particular way to deal with emotions. Sometimes I will force myself into situations that will allow intense feelings to surface, I do it while alone though. That seems to release the pent up emotion for me to have a genuine handle on it when I need to. By allowing them and not invalidating them, but on my own terms seems to be what works for me. Maybe it will help, I hope it does.
    That sounds like a really good way to do it. I think my experience is something similar, and arises from the same sources. Feeling the unpleasant emotions is something I've had to get comfortable with in recent years, and so it comes with all the pent up stuff of the past which I haven't released.
    Quote Originally Posted by kyuuei View Post
    You can't just damper the emotions you don't like though... I've found that the times I've been detached and cold I have also been unhappy and somber... you end up killing off both sides. I can turn off my emotions for work, as I've done before, but I don't really like things that way.. I'd rather cry at work occasionally, or be angry at work sometimes, and be happy most of the time and pleasant to deal with and work with. Acting like a robot isn't any more convenient than the occasional emotional outburst.

    You may have a problem with anxiety and/or depression if you're very emotional but lack sources of happiness, joy, and other positive emotions in your daily life. But I don't think throwing emotions out the window is the answer.

    Being in the army, I understand it sometimes sucks to show any sort of weakness or incompetence in your job. Especially now that I'm in a leadership position and it's expected of me to pretty much act like a mechanical robot. But.. I take little joy out of those aspects of the job. I like what I do, and the symbolism behind it, and that it moves my dreams further.. but I talked to my family rarely, my friends even less, and completely submerge myself into that work so that I don't break character and act giddy and happy.. And then.. you just stop feeling that way. You stop being happy. Everything is just very apathetic.. You don't really care if it's dangerous, or if today was a good day, or if the food was prepared wrong, nothing. Its just a day. And then another day. It's convenient for the military, but it takes me a while to shake off that sensation and learn how to be myself again when I get home.. It's hard to be apathetic, so when I finally get it right, it is just as hard to throw that behavior away again and learn to just... be me. I'm still working on that right now, luckily this deployment was much smoother than my last one.
    That's quite an informative ENFP/Fi perspective, and I can see how it would relate to your circumstances. I do hope things get better and you can be happy again.

    In response, I don't have a problem with depression, although anxiety is certainly an issue. I have no trouble feeling happy at least 90% of the time. I'm not aiming for neutrality or apathy, only being able to temporarily put things aside for as long as I have something to do; when I'm on my own in my own time I try to take the healthy approach and feel and release my emotions, and remove the causes by changing my negative beliefs and adopting a philosophical attitude. I think Lux hit the nail on the head as to how to deal with it for me at least; of course I'm still curious how others do it, and how it might differ with type.

  9. #9
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    Like a cheetah, you're built for it or you're not.


    I guess conscious development over a long period of time might work. Or drugs.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Generally I avoid getting emotional because being emotional would be seen as even weaker. I'm not one to cry in the first place but web I do feel stress generally I take a moment to kind of deal with the white noise of my thoughts. I guess just taking a moment to experience and reconize that I'm feeling stress/anger/sadness but in a generally way rather than focusing on specifics. It would probably look like me sitting quietly and closing my eyes for a minute. Then generally I'll just move on with the day.

    So I guess just taking a breath and keeping in mind that getting angry/weepy
    Won't fix anything

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