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  1. #51
    Xena's boyfriend Bardsandwarriors's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post


    Np; I wasn't saying only NT's, I just specified them because I thought they would have the niftiest tricks for temporary functionality. Perhaps it's just something you;re born with though. Or maybe the NF's would do it better, because they're used to accepting their feelings and stuff.
    Yeah, both methods work, apparently; although not being an NT, I am eternally skeptical of the NT route. It's probably just me. But I liked what INTP said:

    deal with the causes of your emotions
    And what jontherobot said:

    Like a cheetah, you're built for it or you're not.

    I guess conscious development over a long period of time might work. Or drugs.
    Only you can know whether suppressing the emotion is gonna work for you. It might lead to a whole load of other issues which you're not prepared for. As my answers from the NF angle might. So use em all and let us know what happens.

    What I suspect is happening is that you have these issues in your head which need resolving, but they are being precipitated by some combination of ahem "difficult" customers who for some reason that you also need to figure out, are hitting your buttons.

    kyuuei has an interesting solution: join the army first, so you can get used to being in danger ALL THE TIME and not care. It sounds like an antidote, a catharsis, for NF-ness. Then, when you've developed that method of dealing with stuff, go back to being a waitress
    Last edited by Bardsandwarriors; 11-17-2012 at 03:32 PM. Reason: grammar
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  2. #52
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bardsandwarriors View Post
    Only you can know whether suppressing the emotion is gonna work for you. It might lead to a whole load of other issues which you're not prepared for. As my answers from the NF angle might. So use em all and let us know what happens.
    I've done the suppressing thing all my life, so the NF thing is what I need to do- like what was said earlier. Then when they come up they won't feel so uncontrollable; like a stream rather than a river. I thought I still needed to at those times when I should be doing something else, but maybe I always need to do the NF thing after all.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bardsandwarriors View Post
    What I suspect is happening is that you have these issues in your head which need resolving, but they are being precipitated by some combination of ahem "difficult" customers who for some reason that you also need to figure out, are hitting your buttons.
    No the customers aren't actually the problem. I'm just a perfectionist.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bardsandwarriors View Post
    kyuuei has an interesting solution: join the army first, so you can get used to being in danger ALL THE TIME and not care. It sounds like an antidote, a catharsis, for NF-ness. Then, when you've developed that method of dealing with stuff, go back to being a waitress
    That's a good point; when the things I'm afraid of actually happen, they don't seem so terrible.

  3. #53
    Xena's boyfriend Bardsandwarriors's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    No the customers aren't actually the problem. I'm just a perfectionist.

    That's a good point; when the things I'm afraid of actually happen, they don't seem so terrible.
    Fair enough. Wanting to do your job well is fine. Perhaps the perfectionism does come from parents pushing you, or from your own need to advance in life, or from being aware of other staff or managers watching. But perhaps you need to give yourself some leeway for errors, and stand back a little when things aren't going right, because that will get better results overall, and you'll keep going.
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  4. #54
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bardsandwarriors View Post
    Fair enough. Wanting to do your job well is fine. Perhaps the perfectionism does come from parents pushing you, or from your own need to advance in life, or from being aware of other staff or managers watching. But perhaps you need to give yourself some leeway for errors, and stand back a little when things aren't going right, because that will get better results overall, and you'll keep going.
    True.

  5. #55
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    Np; I wasn't saying only NT's, I just specified them because I thought they would have the niftiest tricks for temporary functionality. Perhaps it's just something you;re born with though. Or maybe the NF's would do it better, because they're used to accepting their feelings and stuff.
    Some people are indeed born with a natural facility with or tendency for distancing themselves from emotions. I suspect it is a skill anyone can learn, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    I've done the suppressing thing all my life, so the NF thing is what I need to do- like what was said earlier.
    Might this be part of why you thought you were NT?

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    deal with the causes of your emotions
    This points to an important distinction. I find it much easier and more productive to deal with the causes of my emotions, than focusing on the emotions themselves.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  6. #56
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    It is important to remember that either strong avoidance or fixation on something can make it more formidable than it needs to be. I approach negative emotions like I approach physical ailments. There have even been times I've called in sick over an anxiety attack. By seeing it as just a natural process in my mind and body it gives it less power and can help negative emotions dissipate rather than escalate.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  7. #57
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Might this be part of why you thought you were NT?
    Definitely, and I tried to tell people this. It's not that I suppressed all emotions; I just got the idea that negative emotion --> instability/unpredictability --> possible irrationality and dangerousness --> possible insanity or inability to deal with the world --> weakness and vulnerability --> not surviving. So I tried to do all I could to be stable, rational, and empowered at all times, i.e. a control freak over my mind and inner world.
    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Some people are indeed born with a natural facility with or tendency for distancing themselves from emotions. I suspect it is a skill anyone can learn, though.
    Yeah I don't know how. I associate anger with empowerment, so it has a tendency to take control over my mind because I have the illusion that I'm going somewhere productive with it. But in reality it is only a motivation for finding a rational solution to things, not a rational means to finding a solution. Sadness is something I avoid by focusing on reality, so when I feel it acutely it seems as though it is reality, and so takes over my mind for the moment. I have to use my mind to overpower it and realize that it's not.
    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    This points to an important distinction. I find it much easier and more productive to deal with the causes of my emotions, than focusing on the emotions themselves.
    I.e. recognizing the untrue perceptions of reality, identifying the situation I want to change, and why and how I want to change it, then taking steps in that direction. Yes, I agree. The focusing on the emotion part comes in figuring all that out; my conscious mind has to have a dialogue with my unconscious mind. Also it's energy that needs to be released and channeled, and so it can't be bottled up or else it'll explode in inappropriate ways.
    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    It is important to remember that either strong avoidance or fixation on something can make it more formidable than it needs to be. I approach negative emotions like I approach physical ailments. There have even been times I've called in sick over an anxiety attack. By seeing it as just a natural process in my mind and body it gives it less power and can help negative emotions dissipate rather than escalate.
    That's an interesting way of looking at it.

  8. #58
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    I.e. recognizing the untrue perceptions of reality, identifying the situation I want to change, and why and how I want to change it, then taking steps in that direction. Yes, I agree. The focusing on the emotion part comes in figuring all that out; my conscious mind has to have a dialogue with my unconscious mind. Also it's energy that needs to be released and channeled, and so it can't be bottled up or else it'll explode in inappropriate ways.
    personally i think that what you feel inside is just as true than what you perceive outside, in the end its the inner world that matters, not the external, when it comes to your reactions towards things in external world. i mean the causes of your emotions are inside, not outside. take some buddhist monk for an extreme example who sets himself in fire and burns to death while meditating as a protest and is able to ignore the pain that comes from the outside to his body, its a matter of his inner reactions to his skin burning, not about his skin burning. the trigger might come from outside, but how you deal with the triggers, are dictated by what is inside. so i dont think that your perceptions are untrue, even tho they might not be in line with the external world, they are just subjective. so its your attitude towards external things that need to change if its causing you troubles and to change this attitude, you need to work with your inner unconscious world(like you mentioned with the dialogue between your conscious and unconscious mind). for example, you might get strong negative emotions when you see an drug addict, the emotional response to this is true, even tho it might be overly strong because your dad was an heroin addict and killed himself with it, leaving you alone with your mom when you were 15. this naturally would had bean a traumatic thing to you and created a very strong complex about drugs, even if you would consciously think that "he was an idiot and deserved to die, because he was abusing me and my mom when he was on drugs and he was stupid enough to do drugs, so he is better off dead". now when you see some drug addict, its this complex that gets activated and causes you emotional troubles. i dont think that focusing on the emotions will help you with this, because emotions are the product of the problem, not the problem itself. if you smell gas in your apartment, it doesent help you if you keep smelling the gas, it helps you to find out where the gas leak is, so that you can stop it. and yes, the energy from those complexes(feeling toned associations around a common theme) needs to be released, by differentiating(/separating/channeling) different associations with the common theme. because if one thing gets associated to the complex, the whole complex gets triggered, like with my example with a drug complex, drugs are the common theme in it and the emotional associations to your dad gets easily triggered when something triggers the complex, as they are associated unconsciously in a feeling(not in analytical) level to each others. what i think would help in removing these unwanted feeling associations that cause you trouble, would be to create an analytical aspect to these things, so that they wouldnt be purely feeling toned associations, but those different aspects could be differentiated by giving them thinking aspect also. you have an tert Ti and tert is what works as the mediator between inferior and dom functions and inferior is what works as the doorway for unconscious materials. so asking, why, how etc questions about the causes of disturbing emotions and trying to figure out the answer that way might help a lot.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  9. #59
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    personally i think that what you feel inside is just as true than what you perceive outside, in the end its the inner world that matters, not the external, when it comes to your reactions towards things in external world. i mean the causes of your emotions are inside, not outside. take some buddhist monk for an extreme example who sets himself in fire and burns to death while meditating as a protest and is able to ignore the pain that comes from the outside to his body, its a matter of his inner reactions to his skin burning, not about his skin burning. the trigger might come from outside, but how you deal with the triggers, are dictated by what is inside. so i dont think that your perceptions are untrue, even tho they might not be in line with the external world, they are just subjective. so its your attitude towards external things that need to change if its causing you troubles and to change this attitude, you need to work with your inner unconscious world(like you mentioned with the dialogue between your conscious and unconscious mind). for example, you might get strong negative emotions when you see an drug addict, the emotional response to this is true, even tho it might be overly strong because your dad was an heroin addict and killed himself with it, leaving you alone with your mom when you were 15. this naturally would had bean a traumatic thing to you and created a very strong complex about drugs, even if you would consciously think that "he was an idiot and deserved to die, because he was abusing me and my mom when he was on drugs and he was stupid enough to do drugs, so he is better off dead". now when you see some drug addict, its this complex that gets activated and causes you emotional troubles. i dont think that focusing on the emotions will help you with this, because emotions are the product of the problem, not the problem itself. if you smell gas in your apartment, it doesent help you if you keep smelling the gas, it helps you to find out where the gas leak is, so that you can stop it. and yes, the energy from those complexes(feeling toned associations around a common theme) needs to be released, by differentiating(/separating/channeling) different associations with the common theme. because if one thing gets associated to the complex, the whole complex gets triggered, like with my example with a drug complex, drugs are the common theme in it and the emotional associations to your dad gets easily triggered when something triggers the complex, as they are associated unconsciously in a feeling(not in analytical) level to each others. what i think would help in removing these unwanted feeling associations that cause you trouble, would be to create an analytical aspect to these things, so that they wouldnt be purely feeling toned associations, but those different aspects could be differentiated by giving them thinking aspect also. you have an tert Ti and tert is what works as the mediator between inferior and dom functions and inferior is what works as the doorway for unconscious materials. so asking, why, how etc questions about the causes of disturbing emotions and trying to figure out the answer that way might help a lot.
    I don't entirely know what you mean about differentiating and creating mental associations, but it sounds like a good idea.

  10. #60
    Member COLORATURA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    I'm posting this thread here because NT's are supposed to mostly not be emotional, or at least usually have good control over their emotions. If I'm wrong about this, please correct.

    Anyhow, as I've mentioned, emotions other than happiness and such tend to cause me problems. I have a pretty good handle on anger now, even though it's not perfect, but being upset is hard to deal with. I'm particularly concerned with being emotional at work or in public, or when I have something important to do. I saw a question on some test which asked if you can easily put your emotions aside in order to do your job, and I have to say no. If I feel really anxious, stressed, or upset, the emotions don't go away simply by telling myself they're inappropriate at the time. If I feel like crying it's impossible to stop myself. I've cried at work twice, and I tried my hardest not to.

    My preferred strategy is to just not get emotional. Most things don't upset me. I get upset over issues, and 2 in particular- if something happens which tells me I'm incompetent or if I feel like I am deprived of something. Really sad events upset me, so I avoid them. Unfortunately school and work are related to my sense of competence, so I am frequently stressed about school and have a tendency to get upset if I make a mistake at work.

    Lately I've been making myself relax and meditate more, and what I discovered is that if I sit still and don't have distractions, I have an underlying sense of panic. I wonder if this panic is there all the time and I just don't notice it.

    Anyway; panic, stress, anxiety, etc., sadness, loneliness, and whatever feelings are associated with lack and incompetence really interfere with my ability to do my job and schoolwork sometimes, and I'd really like it if there was some trick to being able to effectively ignore them long enough to get things done.

    I wondered what the experience of NT's is in particular with regard to dealing with emotions at inopportune times, and how you do it.
    I may be a little late with my reply, and I don't have time to read all the others...BUT...
    The way we INTP's tend to ignore feelings is not necessarily a good thing. I have read in several places we have the least amount of coping resources available of all the types. We still have feelings, and they still affect us, we just usually rationalize them & ignore them if they don't make sense. I don't know about all the other INTP's, but this usually causes for me a HUGE overload of ignored emotions that eventually build up & explode. The explosion usually comes at a time of stress & then here comes that inferior Fe person that we hate.

    Anyhow, on the practical side of things, have you tried cutting out sugar (& white things in general) & maybe cut back on the caffeine? Even something simple like that can help with mood swings BIG TIME. Also, like the others said exercise is always a good idea.

    One other thing I used to tell my ex-hubs a lot (INFJ) was to try & put himself in the shoes of someone else & try to imagine all the possibilities of what they may be going through that caused them to react to you in a negative manner. The possibilities are endless. It's best when others cause you distress to realize that all you can do is control yourself. Although, this may not contribute much to your stress, but I am assuming it does...you being INFJ & all.
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