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Thread: Living with SJs

  1. #1
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Default Living with SJs

    all my family members are SJs. I can't take this anymore, I have major depression , I also have mental illness so I can't ever get a job. I'm already suicidal but dealing with my family members makes me wonder why I'm still alive. Since I thought family was the reason I'm still alive, I'm not afraid to die. I can't ever live on my own cause I can't afford the rent, I been trying to talk to doctors about it but no one seem to care or understand. I avoid my family like crazy but things they expect me to do makes me argue with them all the time.

    Anyone living with just all SJs?

  2. #2
    Boring old fossil Night's Avatar
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    Well, with respect to you and the apparent seriousness of your situation, whatever your living conditions currently are that cause contemplation of suicide and what sounds like clinical depression, I urge you to reconsider your variables and take an honest inventory of why you presently are where you are.

    Again without knowing specifics, it sounds as their expectations for your life do not match your accomplishments. Realize the motivation behind this constant chattering/nagging is that, if my offered thought is true, they wish for you to be more than you are; to become a different person in some way.

    Patience must be shared. It's up to you to evaluate the legitimacy of their request and, if you find it wrong, to enact decisions that remove you from the things in your life that create pain and misery. Your life - and everything that you do with it - remain indelibly your domain. Thoughts of self-destruction must be seriously evaluated and deconstructioned to prevent recidivism. Taking one's life solves nothing; neither your goals, nor theirs. Do not forget that.

    Ultimately, whatever the manifestation of their cajoling, chances are that it stems from a place of love and suffers from poor presentation along the way.

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    One of my elders is SJ, Planner Inspector to be precise, and I am closer to them than anyone else in my family, and come to think of it, this particular ISTJ is less strict than the other people in my house who comprise every other temperament except Stabilizer.

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    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Everyone is my house is SJ.

    ESFJ and ISTJ brothers are cool, but we don't have much in common. We get along fine.

    ISFJ mom is sweet and dependable, but boring.

    ESTJ father is bossy and inflexible, but we coexist well.


    To put it shortly, you don't have to spend too much of your time interacting with them just because they are your family. My parents value some social expectations much more than I do, and sometimes I have to pretend I care about those, but they are quite manageable.

    In the end, I think you should be honest with yourself, as depression is likely making you consider this problem look much worse than it actually is. Life isn't supposed to be perfect. There are good and bad moments. But depression makes you oblivious to the good moments, so you end up only focusing on the bad moments.

    And that's the root of your problems. Deep down, your SJ family has nothing to do with that.

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    Not all SJs, but my parents are both ESxJs (my dad is a T, my mom is an F), and my older brother is a very ISTJ-like ISTP (not to mention that two of my closest friends are ISTJs). Fortunately my younger brother is an ENxP (probably an F), so he and I get along really well. More recently, my parents being ESJs and me being an INTJ has gotten me into trouble when I disagree with my parents on a decision they make, their only reason being "because I said so," and then me getting frustrated because that's not a good explanation and they ignore all my valid points against their decision (fortunately, my older brother is at college so I don't have to deal with him very often).

  6. #6
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    I told every single one of them to fuck off. The whole family blew up, I locked myself in a room and now I'm contemplating suicide. Going to be 25 in couple months, guess I'm worthless for not moving out when I was 18 and live on my own. I never asked to be born, they have given me so much shit growing up. Never raised me properly and I have to deal with my mental conditions which they just assume I'm insane. I will create drama and stay put till they call the police and kick me out(I think my family is too pussy though cause they know they'll never see me again if they do). From than I don't even know where to stay, I'm sure they have shelter for homeless or something but what's the point of it all? If they kick me out I'll be out with no friends and I will never speak to my family again, no skills, unattractive, depressed why the hell would I go on? For some reason I'm not really bothered emotionally, I just accepted the current situation and waiting it out.

    Even if they let me stay, what the hell is the point? Do I live with them like a loser till I'm 30? 40? Lord knows I can't keep a normal job or do anything right. I must be 1 out of 10,000 to fail this hard at life.

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    Maybe you should get help from the Lord on high unless you don't believe in any kind of spiritual power. Personally I don't call on God for help because I don't feel the need to though if he is there and you need him perhaps you should seek him.

    Also try to help out around your house as I am 19 and I still live at home as well though I am going to community college and do chores on a routine basis and I have shemes with my writing skills to publish some of that. If you do not desire any of this than at least go to a technical school to learn the skills necessary to do something that produces real world results.

    All of that being said, I hope the future holds greater fortunes for your fate.

  8. #8
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    @think2much

    Oh man...I just realized you posted this yesterday.

    PLEASE don't kill yourself. It doesn't matter if your family is a bunch of assholes, there are many more reasons to live. Call a suicide hotline if you think you might go through with it. In the US the number is 1-800-273-8255.

    There are people out there that can help you, but a forum like this isn't going to do much. Long term help requires real people, not faceless usernames from the Internet. I implore you to seek professional help.

  9. #9
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    I told every single one of them to fuck off. The whole family blew up, I locked myself in a room and now I'm contemplating suicide. Going to be 25 in couple months, guess I'm worthless for not moving out when I was 18 and live on my own. I never asked to be born, they have given me so much shit growing up. Never raised me properly and I have to deal with my mental conditions which they just assume I'm insane. I will create drama and stay put till they call the police and kick me out(I think my family is too pussy though cause they know they'll never see me again if they do). From than I don't even know where to stay, I'm sure they have shelter for homeless or something but what's the point of it all? If they kick me out I'll be out with no friends and I will never speak to my family again, no skills, unattractive, depressed why the hell would I go on? For some reason I'm not really bothered emotionally, I just accepted the current situation and waiting it out.

    Even if they let me stay, what the hell is the point? Do I live with them like a loser till I'm 30? 40? Lord knows I can't keep a normal job or do anything right. I must be 1 out of 10,000 to fail this hard at life.
    Please don't take this out on yourself. Feeling the way you're feeling now isn't your fault and you deserve help, not judgment, especially from yourself. So many people are still at home with their families long past age 18. I am still at home too, and feel the sociocultural pressure of it being "shameful", but the more people I talk to, the more I understand that it's reality of the current economy more than a sign of personal failure. You're not worthless and you're not without hope, and there are many people in the world who would like to help you improve your situation right now. Mental illness carries an unfair stigma of being a personal issue, but it's just like any other medical condition that needs treatment and care. I know how it can feel when you're depressed - like there's just no point to it all - but there are so many things to live for, starting with the simplest sensual pleasures like taking hot showers, eating good food, and curling up in a warm, soft bed at night, all the way to the most significant pleasures of fulfilling your life's hopes and dreams. You deserve to enjoy all of these things.

    SJs are steady and dependable, but it's true that sometimes they have difficulty choosing to interpret something in a new light. Your family may be stuck seeing your mental condition as self-perpetuated, non-biological, or not as serious as it clearly is, and they may need help coming to terms with it as a serious medical issue that deserves serious medical attention. Please do try calling the number @DisneyGeek posted, or A Place of Hope's depression line at 1-888-771-5166 (I think they operate during standard business hours) - they should be able to help give you options for how to proceed with getting real treatment for yourself, and how to get your family up to speed with getting you help. The really good thing about SJs is they are usually surprisingly open to concrete evidence, and as an INTP, you have a decent skill for amassing that. If you can present your family with a factual list of the problems you are having and how you can proceed with getting help, they should respond positively.

    Regardless, again, don't take this out on yourself. You're not a failure at life - you've been dealt a very difficult hand and you're doing what you can to cope with it. The best thing you can do is try to use people as your allies instead of your enemies. Ask for help instead of creating drama. If they don't want to help you, try other people. There is a better future for you and people who will help get you there. I know it's hard, but you have to reach out first. Please try, if not just for you then for everyone who's ever felt the way you do now, because so many people have and do. You're not alone and there is plenty of hope.

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