User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 50

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    infj
    Posts
    25

    Default Asked out by ENTP - unsure of my reply

    A few days ago an ENTP guy asked me out. We've known each other as acquaintances in graduate school for 2 years, but a month ago ended up hanging out and chatting as part of a small group of friends quite intensively over the course of a week. I could feel some sort of special interest from him in that week, and in the way he communicated with me afterwards. Thought I'd wait and see if anything happened.

    We've both been variously sick and busy in the last month, and have only caught up briefly the last couple of weeks.

    So this last time we hung out he told me he liked me, that he thinks I'm a very strong and interesting person, that we have a surprising amount in common and that he thinks that it'd be good to be together because we'd let each other be individuals and do our own thing while encouraging each other. He said he hadn't been aware of his feelings during that week of increased interaction but that in the month since then it's been all he can think about, it'd been eating away at him.

    He made it clear that he had been quite happy being single and that the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about his interest and couldn't find ways to shoot it down meant that it was a genuine, "not silly" interest and that he had to let me know. So essentially he asked if there was a possibility that this could be more than friends. He said he'd just like to get to know me better and see how things go. He cast it all in a very open-ended light and said that he only had the one stipulation of exclusivity.

    I asked him some questions. Went on a bit of a ramble. Then asked him if I could have some time to think about it - he replied very positively, saying that he'd prefer that I take time to think about it.

    So, what's the problem? I'm unsure of my reply. We do have a surprising amount in common when it comes to things we've spent time thinking about and where our thinking leads us.

    But I've never felt anything other than friend vibes between us. In the past what has motivated me to get closer to someone, in the direction of coupleness, is a sense of some underlying emotional connection. Even when he asked me out it was all very interesting to talk about and we made it easy for each other to speak quite openly and straightforwardly, which helped reduce the awkwardness, but it was almost too civilised and rational?

    I'm curious about what he's been experiencing too because while I've felt a sort of increased friendliness from him, I haven't really felt longing or a palpable sense of physical attraction from him. I haven't felt desire, whether it comes from emotional closeness or physical arousal. I've only felt excitement and happiness over the chats that we have.

    This leaves me wondering.... couldn't we simply continue as friends having good chats? I'm not quite seeing how the romantic/sexual ( and or /emotional/spiritual) side comes into play here. Then again, perhaps it's early days. But this is a new thing for me, being asked out by someone who I can tell likes me a lot as a person but from whom I can't feel any desire. And I'm not sure if there is room for my own feelings to grow, as I haven't yet caught a glimpse of any emotionality. My dating past has only been with IxTx types, but even though they weren't particularly outwardly emotional I could sense what was beneath (and time bore this out.)

    To sum it up, I'm sort of curious but not compelled, so I'm not sure how to reply. I'm happy to have friends and to have sex with people I like, but for me going out with someone is about having a supportive emotional connection - closeness and cuddliness and freedom to be vulnerable. However I would say that my past relationships probably lacked a firm foundation of friendship first, and went forward on the power of emotional interest - physical attraction at first. They did grow into friendships eventually, but I still think it is better to really be friends before getting deep in with the hormones.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Winds of Thor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    3w4 sx/so
    Posts
    1,859

    Default

    This reminds me...Someone told me the reason Baptists don't believe in premarital sex is because it might lead to dancing.

    A suggestion would be to ask him all your questions. That could serve as your reply. Then you'd be sure you gave him one.
    "..And the eight and final rule: If this is your first time at Fight Club, you have to fight."
    'Men are meant to be with women. The rest is perversion and mental illness.'

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    infj
    Posts
    25

    Default

    Damn straight.

    I've honestly never understood dating.

    Yeah I thought about that, and I'm sure he'd probably quite enjoy it. Both of us being overanalytical as hell means we're probably not going to come to a pot of clarity at the end though. Which I suppose maybe is okay for a P

  4. #4
    WALMART
    Guest

    Default

    Someone was just tonight talking about the mystical INFJ ENTP connection.

    /randommusings

    We're good people. But watch it, we are capable of deceiving even ourselves when it comes to intent.

  5. #5
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,370

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lingerer View Post
    A few days ago an ENTP guy asked me out. We've known each other as acquaintances in graduate school for 2 years, but a month ago ended up hanging out and chatting as part of a small group of friends quite intensively over the course of a week. I could feel some sort of special interest from him in that week, and in the way he communicated with me afterwards. Thought I'd wait and see if anything happened.

    We've both been variously sick and busy in the last month, and have only caught up briefly the last couple of weeks.

    So this last time we hung out he told me he liked me, that he thinks I'm a very strong and interesting person, that we have a surprising amount in common and that he thinks that it'd be good to be together because we'd let each other be individuals and do our own thing while encouraging each other. He said he hadn't been aware of his feelings during that week of increased interaction but that in the month since then it's been all he can think about, it'd been eating away at him.

    He made it clear that he had been quite happy being single and that the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about his interest and couldn't find ways to shoot it down meant that it was a genuine, "not silly" interest and that he had to let me know. So essentially he asked if there was a possibility that this could be more than friends. He said he'd just like to get to know me better and see how things go. He cast it all in a very open-ended light and said that he only had the one stipulation of exclusivity.

    I asked him some questions. Went on a bit of a ramble. Then asked him if I could have some time to think about it - he replied very positively, saying that he'd prefer that I take time to think about it.

    So, what's the problem? I'm unsure of my reply. We do have a surprising amount in common when it comes to things we've spent time thinking about and where our thinking leads us.

    But I've never felt anything other than friend vibes between us. In the past what has motivated me to get closer to someone, in the direction of coupleness, is a sense of some underlying emotional connection. Even when he asked me out it was all very interesting to talk about and we made it easy for each other to speak quite openly and straightforwardly, which helped reduce the awkwardness, but it was almost too civilised and rational?

    I'm curious about what he's been experiencing too because while I've felt a sort of increased friendliness from him, I haven't really felt longing or a palpable sense of physical attraction from him. I haven't felt desire, whether it comes from emotional closeness or physical arousal. I've only felt excitement and happiness over the chats that we have.

    This leaves me wondering.... couldn't we simply continue as friends having good chats? I'm not quite seeing how the romantic/sexual ( and or /emotional/spiritual) side comes into play here. Then again, perhaps it's early days. But this is a new thing for me, being asked out by someone who I can tell likes me a lot as a person but from whom I can't feel any desire. And I'm not sure if there is room for my own feelings to grow, as I haven't yet caught a glimpse of any emotionality. My dating past has only been with IxTx types, but even though they weren't particularly outwardly emotional I could sense what was beneath (and time bore this out.)

    To sum it up, I'm sort of curious but not compelled, so I'm not sure how to reply. I'm happy to have friends and to have sex with people I like, but for me going out with someone is about having a supportive emotional connection - closeness and cuddliness and freedom to be vulnerable. However I would say that my past relationships probably lacked a firm foundation of friendship first, and went forward on the power of emotional interest - physical attraction at first. They did grow into friendships eventually, but I still think it is better to really be friends before getting deep in with the hormones.
    @ the bold. you already know your answer. are you looking to be convinced otherwise by us?
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  6. #6
    WALMART
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    @ the bold. you already know your answer. are you looking to be convinced otherwise by us?

    Reverse psychology.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    infj
    Posts
    25

    Default

    I guess I'm wondering if I'm perhaps a "not giving things a shot" sort of person and I should step out of the MO and give it a shot. Like maybe this is a chance to chill out and try and date like a normal person - try something on for size without needing to make a big deal out of it.

    The way he brought it up was also just so intriguing to my mind. It was almost like he was suggesting we could be some awesome power couple or something. It's kind of a cool thought, to become teammates with someone to be able to achieve more of the cool stuff you're interested in. I mean, I do think it's worth it to at least become better friends with him because our goals and fields of interest are the same and we could definitely support each other in that.

    But part of making this thread was trying to figure out... is that sort of dynamic - the kind of mindmate - converging interests one - really enough to light a fire for an ENTP? My view of relationships is more on the warm and fuzzy (and horny) end of the spectrum.

    Would it be okay to be honest with him about how for me it's the emotional connection that's missing? Or is that unnecessary? He was really cool about it all and said that even if I said no he still wants to be friends and hang out. I was wondering if it's worth it to explain exactly what my line of thinking is or if I should keep it simple and just decline?

  8. #8
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    infj
    Posts
    25

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by jontherobot View Post
    we are capable of deceiving even ourselves when it comes to intent.
    Yup. But this isn't too unique to ENTPs

  9. #9
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    7,370

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lingerer View Post
    I guess I'm wondering if I'm perhaps a "not giving things a shot" sort of person and I should step out of the MO and give it a shot. Like maybe this is a chance to chill out and try and date like a normal person - try something on for size without needing to make a big deal out of it.

    The way he brought it up was also just so intriguing to my mind. It was almost like he was suggesting we could be some awesome power couple or something. It's kind of a cool thought, to become teammates with someone to be able to achieve more of the cool stuff you're interested in. I mean, I do think it's worth it to at least become better friends with him because our goals and fields of interest are the same and we could definitely support each other in that.

    But part of making this thread was trying to figure out... is that sort of dynamic - the kind of mindmate - converging interests one - really enough to light a fire for an ENTP? My view of relationships is more on the warm and fuzzy (and horny) end of the spectrum.

    Would it be okay to be honest with him about how for me it's the emotional connection that's missing? Or is that unnecessary? He was really cool about it all and said that even if I said no he still wants to be friends and hang out. I was wondering if it's worth it to explain exactly what my line of thinking is or if I should keep it simple and just decline?
    @ the bold is the only real way to go about it.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  10. #10
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    MBTI
    infj
    Posts
    25

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    @ the bold. you already know your answer. are you looking to be convinced otherwise by us?
    Perhaps not convinced, but maybe challenged if there is something obvious I'm missing or something shortsighted or narrowminded that I'm expressing.

    Probably just a bit of a fight between the part of me that says "hmmm, new possibility, could be interesting to follow" and the part of me that says "something vital is missing, it's not right and you know it". I challenge the latter a little more because everyone's always bagging the Ni overconfidence and telling me and other INFJs that we just don't give things a chance, and I challenge the former a little less because something new always seems more fun before you've jumped into it.

Similar Threads

  1. I'm unsure of my cognitive functions (Ti, Ni)
    By stephsharik in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 59
    Last Post: 08-30-2014, 10:58 PM
  2. Replies: 21
    Last Post: 01-19-2014, 09:27 AM
  3. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-21-2012, 03:26 PM
  4. Unsure of my Enneagram
    By Matthew_Z in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-20-2009, 08:42 AM
  5. Unsure of my type.
    By Bear Warp in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 07-27-2008, 09:49 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO