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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Seek professional help.
    I have.

  2. #42
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Seek professional help.
    I don't think she has said anything particularly strange...this other guy has made a pretty rookie error with some epic outpouring of emotions at an innappropriate time...I think her reaction is to be expected.

    Just because I was once in his position, years ago, doesn't mean I will say he is right now...In fact, a rejection will help him long-run.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Il Morto Che Parla View Post
    Hmmm...but at least then he won't end up getting friend zoned like you will do to him

    Sorry I just couldn't resist saying that...it's just that this is why girls advice on forums like this is often no good...it's like you are sayimg he should be a certain way, yet you won't date that kind of guy...it's kind of hypocritical if you think about it. I don't mean you do it on purpose, I'm just sayin'...I think you have good intentions though.
    I haven't dated 99.99% of the hunters who have tried. The hunting is of course flattering, but that in itself doesn't attract me to someone.

    With him it's more that I can't tell what he feels (and from the sound of it it takes him a while to know what he feels himself). That throws me off.

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by lingerer View Post
    I haven't dated 99.99% of the hunters who have tried. The hunting is of course flattering, but that in itself doesn't attract me to someone.

    With him it's more that I can't tell what he feels (and from the sound of it it takes him a while to know what he feels himself). That throws me off.
    True but they will have got results elsewhere and probably were not invested in you, so it wasn't a big issue for them that you said no...

    On the other hand I bet he is not getting anything right now, and clearly, he is hugely invested in you, who are not even sureif you even want to date him. A bad situation to be in.

    Whatever though I gave my two cents...whatever you do good luck with it And just try to chill and enjoy it...if he gets too heavy that's his problem not yours.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Il Morto Che Parla View Post
    True but they will have got results elsewhere and probably were not invested in you, so it wasn't a big issue for them that you said no...

    On the other hand I bet he is not getting anything right now, and clearly, he is hugely invested in you, who are not even sureif you even want to date him. A bad situation to be in.

    Whatever though I gave my two cents...whatever you do good luck with it And just try to chill and enjoy it...if he gets too heavy that's his problem not yours.
    Thanks for your cents and your kindness

  6. #46
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    No problem...women over-complicate things a lot and INFJ's more my brother is an INFJ, and I can only imagine how much he'd complciate things if he was a woman!

    I just wanted to argue that you are two free, independent adults, and you have no obligations other than to pursue what you want whilst being reasonable, you shouldn't "lie" but neither do you have to take responsibility for every possible eventuality and every assumption the other person may make. Just my opinion.

    Ok I'm definitely going now.

  7. #47
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    phobik - I guess the sniper shot reply is your MO and I signed a certain waiver form by deciding to post in the NT section. I wasn't offended by your "damaged goods" comment, I was upset. It would have helped to have had a bit more clarification on what you're trying to get at by bringing that up. Instead of just throwing out a derogatory label for someone to look at.

    You took my recognition and appreciation for his loveliness and turned it into something negative. Yes, I have had bad treatment by guys in the past. Yes, I know I deserve better. Yes, I really appreciate and don't take for granted this guy's decency. Yes, I have sought help for my troubles. Yes, I don't want to pull anyone into being with me if I don't think I can be good for them.

    I can only guess that your sniper shot solutions are done with good intentions.

  8. #48
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    There is power in labeling, but only if you acknowledge it and allow it to shape your perception of reality.

  9. #49
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    There is power in labeling, but only if you acknowledge it and allow it to shape your perception of reality.
    If that isn't a lesson that getting into MBTI has taught!

    Yeah likely I should be wary about posting here when in a sick, low-energy state. I'm not one to typically endorse use of the 'damaged goods' label because it doesn't benefit the person it's meant to desribe. I'm also not a fan of how it trivialises people's experiences and seems to almost be trying to make the person feel shame because they're 'defective' and not pristine goods. Not to mention the weird commoditising element to it. "Oh shit it's one of those models that slipped past quality control... Get it back in the box, get it back in the box!"

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by lingerer View Post
    If that isn't a lesson that getting into MBTI has taught!
    True!

    (and I agree with your other points too)

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