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  1. #31
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
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    sounds like you're lonely but don't think he's hot just my 2c
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  2. #32
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    IDK...if you want to give it a try then do so...I would...I just thought you weren't attracted to him.

    It just seems strange to me, the way he asked you out. Actually, scratch that...I did that kind of thing many years ago, before I learnt better...but I guess I find it strange that you weren't more freaked out by his full-on proposal of exclusivity...I mean normally you would go on a date, and one thing leads to another.

    But yeah, maybe I am a bad person...or maybe I'm just an immature 25 y/o who still acts like a teenager...but my view is, if you want to try something, do it, and don't feel the need to "show all your cards" at once.

    One thing though where you should be honest IMO is regarding the exclusivity...I mean are you really prepared for that when you haven't even dated him yet? I think you should at least tell him, "let's take it easy, go on a date, see what happens"....no need to tell all oyur feelings, just set your boundaries...IMO

    Just my opinion

  3. #33
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    IDK...if you want to give it a try then do so...I would...I just thought you weren't attracted to him.

    It just seems strange to me, the way he asked you out. Actually, scratch that...I did that kind of thing many years ago, before I learnt better...but I guess I find it strange that you weren't more freaked out by his full-on proposal of exclusivity...I mean normally you would go on a date, and one thing leads to another.

    But yeah, maybe I am a bad person...or maybe I'm just an immature 25 y/o who still acts like a teenager...but my view is, if you want to try something, do it, and don't feel the need to "show all your cards" at once.

    One thing though where you should be honest IMO is regarding the exclusivity...I mean are you really prepared for that when you haven't even dated him yet? I think you should at least tell him, "let's take it easy, go on a date, see what happens"....no need to tell all oyur feelings, just set your boundaries...IMO

    Just my opinion

  4. #34
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lingerer View Post
    Update.

    We've hung out a bit more since then.

    I've been confused about something I don't think I should feel confused about.

    He's been very considerate and helpful. There are events and organising things that I'm involved in, he comes to them and offers to help out. When we hang out he seems happy to stay around until I say I need to go, unless he has a clear commitment on at scheduled time. He remembers things I've said and will bring them up. I've talked to him a couple of times about how close I am to my cat (he's the only family I have here at the moment), when he came around to my place for a gathering he seemed to make a deliberate effort to spend time with my cat and offered to take care of him when I'd be away at a certain time. He seems to watch for my reactions to things during group conversations, because he'll bring up a facial expression I'm making or start laughing because of something I'm doing.

    This is all very confusing to me because I've never experienced this before - this level of attentiveness, support and interest in me as a person. I'm also confused because while it would all seem to indicate he likes me quite a lot, I don't feel attraction coming from him. I get that he definitely enjoys my company. With guys who have wanted me in the past I have been able to feel it, with him it's just like he's a preternaturally helpful and friendly guy. We have had a few little chats about the difference between friend and more-than, I've told him him that the physical side to things is pretty important to me. He's said that that's not something he thinks about or focuses on much, but that he'd be happy for it to come and thinks it's something that develops naturally with time. I guess it confuses me to see someone behave in such a motivated way without sensing the physical attraction.

    As for how I feel... I have had moments of feeling attracted to him and a bit nervous around him. He's really easy to be around and there's this nice, restful feeling that comes from that. It also seems like we can talk about practically anything, taboo stuff included, and we're both relaxed about it and can be lighthearted about it. I still find it hard to envision a future because I'm still not sure if there's a romantic element there and because we're at different stages of life. And of course there's the question of whether he is less sex-inclined than I am or if this impression is related to his lack of experience.

    Anyway this has been quite an interesting, eye-opening and pleasant experience so far. I feel quite lucky to have gotten to experience being treated well by a good guy.
    Are you damaged goods?
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    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  5. #35
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    Well I've been completely honest with him the whole time. I did say no to the going out exclusively thing, which is not because I love being wide open to date because I don't really date in general. Mainly because I didn't want to agree to a commitment when I wasn't sure if I believed we would make sense as a couple.

    I wasn't freaked out by anything he said because he's a nice, reasonable person and I appreciated that. I actually quite like that he was honest and respectful and took the time to explain things to the best of his ability. I typically haven't been that receptive to "normal" guy advances, I don't like pushiness.

    Probably a lot of this is revealing his naivete. I think that's awesome though. I hope he doesn't become another generic male hunter type... whatever will be will be I guess.

    Yeah I would agree that I'm lonely. There is more than one reason why I've been cautious about this. But he did say he still definitely wants to be friends and hang out still if I say no, so that makes the loneliness a bit less of a motivator.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Are you damaged goods?
    Probably

  7. #37
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lingerer View Post
    Probably
    You read that way, no offense. That might be more relevant to deal with first.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    You read that way, no offense. That might be more relevant to deal with first.
    What does one do if one feels like they have always been damaged goods though? Do I need to prevent myself from participating in society?

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by lingerer View Post
    Probably a lot of this is revealing his naivete. I think that's awesome though. I hope he doesn't become another generic male hunter type... whatever will be will be I guess.
    Hmmm...but at least then he won't end up getting friend zoned like you will do to him

    Sorry I just couldn't resist saying that...it's just that this is why girls advice on forums like this is often no good...it's like you are sayimg he should be a certain way, yet you won't date that kind of guy...it's kind of hypocritical if you think about it. I don't mean you do it on purpose, I'm just sayin'...I think you have good intentions though.

  10. #40
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lingerer View Post
    What does one do if one feels like they have always been damaged goods though? Do I need to prevent myself from participating in society?
    Seek professional help.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

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