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  1. #1
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    Default Do you have trouble making eye contact?

    I do. I noticed the other night when I saw some friends I was meeting up with across the parking lot. I waved to them and then averted my eyes until we were close enough to speak. When I talk to people I'll either look up or look at my hands while I'm gesturing. When I listen I'll look down and lean in. When I do catch people's eye I feel like I'm being offensive. If I try to do It It feels like I'm intruding on them. Plus it's sort of difficult to look at both eyes. Really you have to look someone in one of their eyes.


    Do you have the same experience or a different one?

    How do you feel when someone doesn't make eye contact with you?

  2. #2
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    I do. I noticed the other night when I saw some friends I was meeting up with across the parking lot. I waved to them and then averted my eyes until we were close enough to speak. When I talk to people I'll either look up or look at my hands while I'm gesturing. When I listen I'll look down and lean in. When I do catch people's eye I feel like I'm being offensive. If I try to do It It feels like I'm intruding on them. Plus it's sort of difficult to look at both eyes. Really you have to look someone in one of their eyes.


    Do you have the same experience or a different one?
    Sort of the same experience.

    I've never quite mastered the art of eye contact. I used to have more issues when I was younger. I feel like when I'm making eye contact, it's like I'm staring at them, which does seem intrusive so then I'll briefly look at the person and then the other says I wasn't making eye contact because you can look at someone but not exactly look into their eyes. I've never quite gotten down to what extent you look someone in the eye without them thinking that you're just staring at them.


    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    How do you feel when someone doesn't make eye contact with you?
    Oftentimes I don't even notice. I'd rather someone give me too little eye contact than too much. Too much feels intrusive, like they are staring right into my soul. Of course, I don't like zero eye contact either. Basically I just want it to the degree that I know the other person is paying attention when we are having conversation.
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  3. #3
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pseudo View Post
    Do you have the same experience or a different one?
    I'm terrible with eye contact but for different reasons.

    Partly it's due to awkwardness, partly it's due to distractability, but mostly, it's because I can't take in what is being said without looking away. I can't look someone in the eye and talk or listen to what they are saying - I just can't concentrate enough. Usually I try to rest my eyes on something mildly interesting but not too engrossing (like patterns on the wallpaper or the foliage of a tree) and it helps me to stay focussed and alert. My best explanation is that if I look at someone's face and expressions it is it takes up too much of my attention. I'm such a visual minded person and I need to keep my eyes busy but under control, in order to stop the visual information interrupting my thoughts or communication abilities. But who knows, it could just be a really bad habit.

    It's so natural for me that I don't even realise I'm doing it, but the last few years I've become more self-conscious about it. I think people must feel that I'm a liar, that I'm not listening or that they can't form a connection with me. I'm sure it must seem incredibly weird though, but all I know is, I can't seem to stop myself. There are times when I have make a concerted effort to maintain eye contact and I tend to fail miserably. I can neither communicate properly or even keep it up for long - it's just so uncomfortable.

    How do you feel when someone doesn't make eye contact with you?
    I wouldn't notice most of the time.

    What I do know is that other people look away for very specific and deliberate reasons, usually to conceal their feelings for one reason or another. It stands out a lot when people do it, so it can be quite jarring. The action itself doesn't bother me. I mean if they're lying and want to conceal it, that would bother me, but the looking away itself has no effect on me. I have a very strong grasp on people's character and motivations without needing to look at them constantly.
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  4. #4
    Junior Member Hildur's Avatar
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    I used to have a problem with eye contact, but then people would say I was always so distant and judged my lack of eye contact as a lack of interest of liking (which might have been true, but I prefered not to demonstrate it so clearly). So I tried harder. But usually I look away most of the time when I'm talking to someone - and watch them when they answer. If I do look at them while talking it feels as if I really want to hammer in my current words, and that feels - to me - rather aggressive. But if I'm keen on making a stable and assertive impression I make sure I really look them in the eye.

    I also choose which eye to focus on, usually the left one (from my point of view). Some people shift between eyes back and forth, that's a bit annoying.

  5. #5
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    i feel like i have quite intense look in my eyes when making eye contact(one person has even mentioned it to me), not that its a bad thing, but i feel like im being bit invasive at times when making eye contact, so at times i try not to look into peoples eyes too much. its not that i avoid it(which i might had done in the past with some people), its just i try not to look too deep into peoples souls, as it might make some people uncomfortable. however i do know how to use this deep eye contact in my advantage and control what people see(consciously or unconsciously) in my eyes.
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  6. #6
    Member Savitri's Avatar
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    The only time this happens is when I am attracted to someone. It's actually quite frustrating speaking to someone who can't make steady eye-contact for at least a sentence. If it's erratic enough I find it hard to focus on what I'm saying because I start trying to figure out why the person is so anxious. Sometimes if the person is also fidgeting I get the impression s/he isn't listening, which again would interrupt my thoughts because I have to ask if they're following what I'm saying.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Savitri View Post
    The only time this happens is when I am attracted to someone. It's actually quite frustrating speaking to someone who can't make steady eye-contact for at least a sentence. If it's erratic enough I find it hard to focus on what I'm saying because I start trying to figure out why the person is so anxious. Sometimes if the person is also fidgeting I get the impression s/he isn't listening, which again would interrupt my thoughts because I have to ask if they're following what I'm saying.
    No reason to be anxious.

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  8. #8
    Member Savitri's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LEGERdeMAIN View Post
    No reason to be anxious.

    I don't understand the point of your joke if your making one.
    LIE-Ni * SCOEI * Te/Fi * 1-7-3 The Systems Builder

  9. #9
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    I have a hard time not making eye contact.

    I have to consciously moderate it.

  10. #10
    Junior Member Hildur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    ... i feel like im being bit invasive at times when making eye contact ...
    I feel that, too.

    I also had the problem (when I was young and hot - we're talking university years, several decades ago) that when I kept too much eye contact while talking to some guy he would inevitably interpret this as a personal interest. Regardless of what we were talking about. To me the subject of the discussion would direct my level of eye contact - if I was discussing/explaining something important/interesting etc I would look more closely at the other person (=keep eye contact with) to see how much he understood along the way. But I think "eye contact=invasive" probably worked the other way around for these guys.... They were probably INTPs or some similar type... So this girl being "invasive" must mean this girl is incredibly interested...

    [Ah, the mere mentioning of university years makes a sigh of nostalgia echo in my lonely chamber. I was studying math and this strange new thing called "computer science"... Very few women around...]

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