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  1. #1
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    Default How Do Rationals Deal With Emotions?

    I'm saying this as someone who doesn't know whether if he is a Rational or an Idealist.

    Are NT's highly aware of their emotions and intuitively aware of how other people are affected by their decisions and simply choose to not act on them or does their 'personality' cause them to lack this sort of awareness and that's how they can make objective decisions so easily? Overall, I consider myself an objective decision maker rather than one who is subjective. However, I always know how I feel about a situation, sometimes my feelings affect my decisions but if I feel that a decision is best made without my feelings, I will ignore them.

    Thanks in advance!

  2. #2
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Ignoring emotions does not give you objective decisions. Ignoring emotions probably makes you even more subjective, because you don't realize how they're affecting you.

    Just some stuff I've heard -- NFs and NTs both get hit by strong emotions very hard. However, NFs are hit hard all the time so they tend to get more used to it, while it tends to sneak up on NTs and bash them on the head when they least expect it.

    Ts in general, when they fall, they fall hard. Age tends to take the edge off of it, but young Ts can be absolutely volatile.

    Of course NTs can understand how other people are affected by their decisions (it's cause and effect, which they pick up on quickly). However, NTs usually shy away from emotional displays, unlike NFs, and not do that sort of thing unless absolutely necessary or absolutely overwhelmed.

    Well, me, personally, in most decisions and stuff emotions don't come into play in the sense that it does for most NFs. I see a situation, I know what my goals are, and I try to figure out how to get the best resolution. Unless there's something particular about it that really bends me out of shape, I don't usually have many feelings about whatever it is, so therefore they don't really get involved.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  3. #3
    Senior Member sriv's Avatar
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    I acknowledge them. That is all. Occasional use, for manipulation.
    Reyson: ...If you were to change your ways, I'm sure we could rebuild the relationship the two of us once shared.

    Naesala: Oh no, that I could never do. You see, humans are essential to the fulfillment of my ambitions.

    Reyson: You've changed, Naesala. If this is the path you've chosen, I've nothing left to say.

  4. #4
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    What are these things of which you talk about... these... emotions?

    Heh,
    I think I mainly agree with you.
    I think my emotions shouldn't influence my choices and logic should be the guiding light. If they do have any influence I would prefer it to be minimal. Of course then one realizes that one's feelings are one's driving force, basically, I choose to try to act by logic because I feel like it. Crazy, huh?

    I think explaining how I view questions relates, I think any questions asked should have no emotions attached to them at all. Purely scientific. I am asking X to know Y.. although once I find out Y, then I might attach emotions.

    I rarely express emotions and I think that cramps me. I build up, then sometimes I just explode.

    Are NT's highly aware of their emotions?
    Yes. But not "highly".

    Intuitively aware of how other people are affected by their decisions?
    Nope, wish it were though, I have issues with understanding how I affect others. I can usually logic out how I affect others "physically", but how I affect their emotions? I wish I knew that part more.

    Or does their 'personality' cause them to lack this sort of awareness and that's how they can make objective decisions so easily?
    Yeah.. I often, too often, forget about other's emotions and feelings. I think if I knew what they were feeling better, then I wouldn't be so selfish sometimes.

    However, I always know how I feel about a situation, sometimes my feelings affect my decisions but if I feel that a decision is best made without my feelings, I will ignore them.
    Me too.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
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  5. #5
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mondo View Post
    Are NT's highly aware of their emotions and intuitively aware of how other people are affected by their decisions and simply choose to not act on them or does their 'personality' cause them to lack this sort of awareness and that's how they can make objective decisions so easily?
    As a definite INTJ, but I must note with atypical cognitive processes, here is my personal experience.

    Before I matured and developed a lot of my F side:
    *I often didn't realize I was upset or hurt by someone until I was told I was upset or hurt; my behaviour showed it but I often wasn't aware. "X person has been inconsistent by doing Y to me, which stresses me out because now I feel lost" is perhaps the greatest extent of my paying attention to feelings (excluding major life experiences and events where clearly I could tell what my feelings were). I'm talking day to day, general, nuanced interaction here. I was very limited in terms of how many dimensions I could understand emotions, but that didn't mean that I didn't forsee the patterns of my behaviour affecting others. I knew when to shut up, when to prod, when to innocently plan and construct contexts for people to find themselves in and sort out interpersonal issues... I could read the patterns even though I didn't consciously get "feelings".

    After I matured and developed a lot of my F side:
    I am far more cognizant of my moodiness, of my hurt feelings, of my nuances in emotions. I have learned the value of sitting on issues for a day instead of reacting from the perspective of being in the heat of the moment and caught up in things.
    I sometimes deeply care and "feel" for people even when logically I shouldn't because they just shouldn't matter to me that much as individuals (because of our more superficial relationship, not because I don't value them). This would be true empathy in the standard definition of the term. I have genuine "feelings" in these situations." ("the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.")

    Alternatively, I fixate on people's problems; I become irrationally focused on helping them out. It's not feeling--I have lots of feelings and these are not feelings. It's an irrational focus on solving their problem. Motivated, I'm sure, because of the humanity in me (i.e. it's not the problem in a vaccum that's motivating me, it's that this person has a problem), but it's not feeling in the same sense that many would understand.
    I've gone to Africa and meet and played with the starving kids and seen some people who are dying and all that World Vision stereotypical stuff... and I didn't "feel" for them. I felt more for them before I had left North America. The only "feelings" I had were a deep and intense need to focus on solving their problems. Empathy in another version of the dictionary definition. (the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.)
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
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  6. #6
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Alternatively, I fixate on people's problems; I become irrationally focused on helping them out. It's not feeling--I have lots of feelings and these are not feelings. It's an irrational focus on solving their problem. Motivated, I'm sure, because of the humanity in me (i.e. it's not the problem in a vaccum that's motivating me, it's that this person has a problem), but it's not feeling in the same sense that many would understand.
    I've gone to Africa and meet and played with the starving kids and seen some people who are dying and all that World Vision stereotypical stuff... and I didn't "feel" for them. I felt more for them before I had left North America. The only "feelings" I had were a deep and intense need to focus on solving their problems. Empathy in another version of the dictionary definition. (the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.)
    I completely relate.
    For me, I think I put myself in their position, and through that I find out why they are "hurting" whatever it may be. Then once I find out why they are "hurting" I focus on fixing the source.

    Maybe it is just because I like solving problems, and forming plans.
    It is feeling and having emotion, but it is not so much a "aww they are hurting I feel bad for them", it is more of a "lets fix their problems so they can be happy".

    But why do we want to fix it? Because we enjoy it? Or because we want others to be happy? Maybe it is both, I am not sure honestly.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
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  7. #7
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    I think we need more than INTJs here...
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  8. #8
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    I think we need more than INTJs here...
    Definitely since Mondo is P.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
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  9. #9
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    I don't know... usually there's a sense that there's emotion there, but there's no idea what to do with it and any attempt to deal with it will be like using a chainsaw to preform brain surgery. The concepts are well understood, but there's no skill or finesse.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  10. #10
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername
    Before I matured and developed a lot of my F side:
    *I often didn't realize I was upset or hurt by someone until I was told I was upset or hurt; my behaviour showed it but I often wasn't aware. "X person has been inconsistent by doing Y to me, which stresses me out because now I feel lost" is perhaps the greatest extent of my paying attention to feelings (excluding major life experiences and events where clearly I could tell what my feelings were). I'm talking day to day, general, nuanced interaction here. I was very limited in terms of how many dimensions I could understand emotions, but that didn't mean that I didn't forsee the patterns of my behaviour affecting others. I knew when to shut up, when to prod, when to innocently plan and construct contexts for people to find themselves in and sort out interpersonal issues... I could read the patterns even though I didn't consciously get "feelings".
    This is largely how I feel. I'm just beginning to understand, and I'm now in my 30s, how to identify feelings for what they are. I might feel strong emotions related to a particular situation, but they're not specific, like "sad," "hurt," etc. They're just sort of a tangled up mess that I don't quite understand, and that I have to deal with in some way before I'm able to think clearly again. I've started to notice that I wouldn't call an emotion what others would have called it, because it didn't feel that specific to me. For example, if someone hurt my feelings, then apologized, I might say, "Well, you didn't really hurt my feelings; I was just confused, etc." But later, I'd realize that they did, in fact, hurt my feelings or make me sad. It's just to me it felt more like frustration and confusion, which are things that are familiar to me. Also, I think maybe I try to name my feelings in a logical way so that they seem more "weighty" in an argument, so I don't come to the table with "you made me sad inside!" Instead, I come to the table with an alternate way of viewing things so people (I feel) take me more seriously.

    I have to get to a point of extreme upset before I'd cry in front of someone or tell them that they hurt me--to be that aware of just pure feeling. It would have to jar me to the point where I couldn't depend on my logic to bail me out.

    I would say the main emotion I feel is frustration.

    Now, I can identify and even feel the specific emotions when I'm watching a movie or acting in a play--I have the tools for the job, it seems. But my own emotions, and how people and things affect me personally--that is a lot trickier.

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