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[INTP] Attractive Intp Women dating?

moonnx

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Sep 8, 2012
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26
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Hi everyone.

Last year I stumbled upon mbti personality tests when trying to figure out what career would be good for me. I've always come back to lawyer. I don't really like people- I usually make fun of them and as my sister said- I make fun of emotions. However,I try my best lately to smile and communicate better.

The thing is since I am an Intp, I'm a thinker. I don't particularly focus on my looks. Not that I'm always a slob lol but that when I meet people and talk to people I forget that I'm attractive. And I guess I'm really attractive. But when I look in the mirror I remember. I love to dress up but don't do it that often because I get way to much attention-men hollering,staring, bothering me (mainly black guys-they go crazy for some reason-I'm mixed-half white/black). I also get attention from girls too. In high school a girl said she wished she had my body and looked me up and down, and another girl just like stared at me when I wore a tight skirt.
But I act like a nerd so I forget what I look like. I hate it it's very misleading to people.

I just get really uncomfortable because I'm not good at flirting or small talk. I've never had a boyfriend, no prom date,first kiss age 20 ( first time drunk with a random guy that I never talked to again), hooked up with two guys- don't talk. Almost had boyfriend but couldnt get passed the touch barrier and was too afriad to actually go out with him. But with all the guys and others that I liked, they only thought I was hot. They never liked me. I get depressed alot because I can't make connections with guys. One reason is that I think they'll just want to hook up. I can never find anyone, not just guys, in general, that understands me.

Sorry for my ramble (pretty sure I have adhd too). But I guess my question is are there any attractive intp women out there and if so what is your experience with dating.
 
W

WALMART

Guest
Perhaps thinking no one understands you is what bars you from developing meaningful interpersonal relationships.

I promise you, plenty of men will like you for what your mind contains, if you give them the chance. Remember, you control the ultimate speed of a relationship. If a guy doesn't want to hold on, let him go.



But if it's simply meeting them that's the problem, I don't know what to tell you.
 

moonnx

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Yeah...I'm kinda afraid to think people actually like me. I just assume since that Intps are supposed to be alone and that I can't do anything about it. But also when I do meet people I like and try to talk to them they usually get nervous because I'm very attractive. When I'm not thinking on looks really. The guys that do try to talk to me are only interested in my looks-I try to talk to them but I know all they're looking for immediately or we have nothing in common. But this makes me just think that whenever ANY guy tries to talk to me that he just thinks I'm pretty and wants to hook up with me. I have very little friends as well. So it's basically trying to talk to guys I like while shoving away all the guys chasing me down. But that rare time someone actually likes me I try my best to make them not like me- being very disagreble, making fun of them, saying I like all the opposite stuff they do...it doesn't always work...Idk I guess I need to "loosen up"- done that- started drinking, hooked up with a few guys- didn't change anything. =/
Oh and I've only been on one date before and the rest of my encounters were 3 drunk hookups. I almost had one guy that I worked with but I refused to go out with him b/c I knew he wouldn't like me after he got to know me.
 

ilikeitlikethat

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That is just freaky, the timing; great thread. You're right, you are attractive.
 

Lady_X

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Alright listen first you got to know there is nothing cute or charming about going on and on about how hot you are but you're an intp so maybe you're a bit clueless so my saying this isn't meant to be mean... It's just information.

Secondly why random hookups? You dont need to do that.. If you want to... Then that's whatever I guess.

But really you don't need to take responsibility for other people's reactions to you. Let go of that and just be you.


The real you. Stop pushing away people you like and sleeping with ones you don't.

It's perfectly fine and normal to be an attractive intp girl. There are quite a few of those here. It's not some sad position to be in.
 
W

WALMART

Guest
Yeah...I'm kinda afraid to think people actually like me. I just assume since that Intps are supposed to be alone and that I can't do anything about it. But also when I do meet people I like and try to talk to them they usually get nervous because I'm very attractive. When I'm not thinking on looks really. The guys that do try to talk to me are only interested in my looks-I try to talk to them but I know all they're looking for immediately or we have nothing in common. But this makes me just think that whenever ANY guy tries to talk to me that he just thinks I'm pretty and wants to hook up with me. I have very little friends as well. So it's basically trying to talk to guys I like while shoving away all the guys chasing me down. But that rare time someone actually likes me I try my best to make them not like me- being very disagreble, making fun of them, saying I like all the opposite stuff they do...it doesn't always work...Idk I guess I need to "loosen up"- done that- started drinking, hooked up with a few guys- didn't change anything. =/
Oh and I've only been on one date before and the rest of my encounters were 3 drunk hookups. I almost had one guy that I worked with but I refused to go out with him b/c I knew he wouldn't like me after he got to know me.


When I first got into MBTI I kept falling into that 'I'm an XXXX and XXX is supposed to be XXX and I can't do anything about it' routine. Now I've kinda accepted it as a tool of understand rather than a rulebook.

Also, earlier you said two guys =P


I don't know. Sounds like you have self-confidence issues. Someday you'll figure it all out.
 

greenfairy

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Being attractive is a tool you can learn to use for your own benefit. If guys only want you for your looks, you can learn to identify it and just ignore those guys if you want more than that. (You don't need to push them away.) Right now you are making assumptions that guys will cease to be interested in you once they get to know you. Develop your skills in assessing people's characters (Ne + Fe), and you can tell the ones with respect from the ones who want to use you. Also a guy liking your looks is a good thing; ultimately you want this, but from a guy who likes what is under the surface as well. And for that to happen you need to like yourself, both inside and out. Just be open and interact with people for enjoyment, and spend time with people you enjoy and with whom you have things in common. Don't obsess over motivations, or be attached to outcomes. The more you socialize with people you like, the easier it will be for one of these friend relationships to segue into being more than friends. It seems to me it would benefit you to learn how to make friends with both genders before you pursue a relationship.

This is my advice. I've experienced some of the same things. I'm fairly attractive, but I didn't know it for a long time, and I have very little natural skill with friendship. I had to learn it all. First you need to be comfortable with yourself, then with casual friendships, then with the idea of a relationship, then slowly when you are ready you will find yourself in one. Gradually build trust and intimacy.
 

Pseudo

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complainabraging?
 

Tallulah

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I get where she's coming from, and I still haven't figured it out myself. People tend to perceive you one way, and you know you're a weirdo INTP that's going to take some time to get to know. A lot of guys who just see "hot chick" before them won't be compatible with a nerdy INTP, and it exhausts the socially inept INTP to weed through everyone that gets flirty to find folks you do click with. "Friends first" is the best solution I've found, but it's still a somewhat annoying problem to have--to be perceived as different than you perceive yourself, and not have the natural social wherewithal to navigate that issue.


[MENTION=5418]Lady X[/MENTION], I don't know the OP personally, but I'll wager she doesn't really put much stock into her looks, despite talking about them. She's probably more comfortable saying "I'm attractive" because it's been an observable fact based on people's reactions to her, but she doesn't see it as anything she values or has achieved. That's INTP for ya. :p (Edit: It also sounds like I'm bragging in my earlier paragraph, and I'm not--just too tired to make it more socially acceptable.) :smile:
 

moonnx

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yeah I agree- the thing is. I hate saying I really pretty- (guys yell at windows saying I;m hot everyday- and sexy- it gets annoying b/c I'm not even trying to look attractive- wearing normal clothes- I don't like to show clevedge usually...) b/c if you say that other girls don't like you. But If I say I'm ugly/loser girls will be like "no you're not you're pretty" :dry: So it's like either I'm confident and offending everyone or I'm not and depressed. ANd I hate when people think I'm complaining bragging- like they're are tons of people that want to be pretty embrace it. And also the minute a girl calls herself pretty people are like- don't be conceited your not that good looking. So I end up not saying anything in order to not offend anyone. As a result I'm around girls I can't relate to-feelers that have no interests or are extremely busy. I prob relate to guys more but I'm too uncomfortable to make friends with them. I always assume they like me somehow. Man, if they don't something's wrong. 9/10 do. You some guys don't like mixed/short/black girls so whatever. This is just my observation. The thing is I need to find other awkard pretty girls b/c my friends are like umm...they can't relate- they've never had guys drool after them. Or maybe I just watch for it whereever I go. Like I see a black guy- I tense up- he's gonna look at me and if it;s a party and they're mostly whites try to talk to me-first thing out of his mouth- what's your nationaluty. American. "no like where are you from?". America. My mom's descended from slaves and my dad's german/english family last came over here in the 1600/1700s. (ok so it's really african guys that say this...or carribean). But yea- so annoying.
@jointherobot : I had my first kiss with a random guy- then hooked up with two other guys. Not one of them liked me- I just did it b/c u know I'm pretty so I'm supposed to? Just like the question on personality tests- I would rather read a book than party- but pretty girls party so... Also all your comments seem kinda dismissive like it'll happen eventually and I'm stressing for no reason. Well try having 4 sisters that are all attractive and smart have boyfriends and not have one.
 

moonnx

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sry ramble alot- I just agreeing with the post above me. A girl told me that in my avatar pic I looked hot ( i did used to have braces, glasses and hairy eyebrows- bad hairdo-yet guys still were after me-they claimed I was sexy- umm idk ). So it's like yeah- I walk into a room and usually get unwanted attention. And I know I should socialize more (other poster) but it's exhausting for me. I'm usually online. Forced myself to go to college parties...some were fun but i never meet anyone like me. It doesn't help that I was in band either.
 

Lady_X

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You should be confident and know that you're attractive. It's annoying and inauthentic to say otherwise but it's also off putting to go on about it like you are.

I mean I've read maybe 4 of your 7 posts and they're all saying it.

My point is just that any attractive person has to learn to deal with the way people respond to them and so do you.

It's just the way it is. Don't let it effect you and don't behave however you think people are supposed to behave. Be nerdy if that's who you are. Don't go party all the time of you don't like to.

Good luck with the dating thing tho you're just going to have to develop your bs detector.
 

ChocolateMoose123

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To the OP, from what I've read, you are very inexperienced with the opposite sex. I think you are taking these forms of attention too seriously, if that makes sense. Which is why you are afraid to jump in and take some chances. Guys flirt, catcall, it's what they do. Don't mistake attention with intent. Lighten up on the instant judgements and be open to getting more info. You'll be surprised - you may be wrong about someone - just like you are defensive, others usually have similar mechanisms.
 

jixmixfix

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Problem with pretty girls is that alot of them put up a shield right away so alot of normal guys have problems communicating off the bat with them.the shield is there because it protects herself from scumbags who just want to get in her pants. The best thing to do is to not cast judgments right away when being approached.also if you look like a victum you will be a victum watch your posture and body language stand tall and speak with confidence you will ween off alot of idiots this way.
 

Pseudo

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You should be confident and know that you're attractive. It's annoying and inauthentic to say otherwise but it's also off putting to go on about it like you are.

I mean I've read maybe 4 of your 7 posts and they're all saying it.

My point is just that any attractive person has to learn to deal with the way people respond to them and so do you.

It's just the way it is. Don't let it effect you and don't behave however you think people are supposed to behave. Be nerdy if that's who you are. Don't go party all the time of you don't like to.

Good luck with the dating thing tho you're just going to have to develop your bs detector.


Agreed. I have similar experience to hers. I've been told I'm attractive but I have no people skills. I'm also half black and I know what she means about some black guys being very into that. But I also still don't buy that people are knocking on her windows everyday to tell her she's sexy. (who knows though, maybe she has X-men level next generation pheromones)


[MENTION=15591]moon[/MENTION]x If you're all dressed up people expect you to be a certain way (socially adept, not quite so analytical, flirty) bubbly, flirty, normal.

For me outside there is a young, not too hideous woman, Inside there is this:
tumblr_m47h2zsIxT1qzzh6g.jpg



The only way I know to deal with it is to let my outsides match my insides. I'm grungy weirdo and if i dress accordingly most of the time I don't get people approaching me with the idea that I'm a very girly socialite. But If you like getting dressed up everyday my advice would be this: Be yourself from the get go. Talk about analytical stuff, be your INTP self. If starts cat calling I'll respond to them.

A:"Hey girl"
B: "Hello"

A: "What you doing tonight?"
B: "I'm walking down this street with my friends"

A:"can I talk to you for a second?"
B"Sure, what about"

Super literal. The dumb ones will no know what to say or just repeat what they said before. Every so often you meet someone who has something interesting to reply.
 

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Lady_X

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I don't know maybe it's more rare to be pretty in certain parts of the world but where I'm from they're all over the place.

There's nothing inherently special about it. It just means maybe you have an easier time attracting people to you but if you're interested in actually finding someone you connect with you're going to need to figure out how to move beyond that.

So find what feels natural to deflect it.

If someone's being disrespectful tell them. Tell them to talk to you like an actual person or fuck off. Or tell them the chimp act doesn't really do it for you.

Whatever you need to do but don't let it interfere with your relationships with people. It's not such a big deal really.
 

ajackson17

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Lol, yeah a lot of pretty women do put up shields to protect themselves and its even harder when women see me as a typical man or black guy or whatever social construct they want to identify with me and than realize I'm incredibly nerdy and very eccentric. On the other side it is a war zone and you constantly thinking if you want to really pursue this and the cost, etc. It's a part of life and you should go forth, because you'll never know what you are missing. The best way to see if you want to be with someone is just be yourself because those who like you for who you truly are and interested in your immense inner world will make that known and show.
 

UniqueMixture

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Yeah, just chill the fuck out and have fun. Also, learn to dance.
 

moonnx

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ok...I'm a great dancer (I love dancing-to any kind of music!)- but once I start dancing I get people trying to grind on me =/ Also, I do act nerdy and what not but sometimes guys are like-umm it would be so much better if you weren't weird. Also, when I act like myself I get along with people and everything and I do find guys but they don't approach me. When I don't party, no one tries to talk to me. I'm was in marching band for 4 years, and the guys that like me start talking to me and then get nervous and stop talking to me.

I like to dress more in sweat pants and whatever- my sisters get mad at me because "I don't do anything with myself". My family is like you're pretty you'll find a guy- you gotta talk to them- frustrating.

I know when people are not genuine- it seems like all the guys that actually talk to me are. One of my sisters claims I have aspergers so I interpret things very differently. Like I don't know how to accept compliments or even have a conversation- just my stream of consciousness going on and on (that's how I talk- very fast and continous) =/

And the reason why I keep repeating myself is that I think I phrased it wrong and that people aren't understanding me. Also, I want to make sure that people believe me. I have a hard time being concise b/c I think people will interpret it wrong.
 
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