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  1. #1
    Junior Member moonnx's Avatar
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    Default Attractive Intp Women dating?

    Hi everyone.

    Last year I stumbled upon mbti personality tests when trying to figure out what career would be good for me. I've always come back to lawyer. I don't really like people- I usually make fun of them and as my sister said- I make fun of emotions. However,I try my best lately to smile and communicate better.

    The thing is since I am an Intp, I'm a thinker. I don't particularly focus on my looks. Not that I'm always a slob lol but that when I meet people and talk to people I forget that I'm attractive. And I guess I'm really attractive. But when I look in the mirror I remember. I love to dress up but don't do it that often because I get way to much attention-men hollering,staring, bothering me (mainly black guys-they go crazy for some reason-I'm mixed-half white/black). I also get attention from girls too. In high school a girl said she wished she had my body and looked me up and down, and another girl just like stared at me when I wore a tight skirt.
    But I act like a nerd so I forget what I look like. I hate it it's very misleading to people.

    I just get really uncomfortable because I'm not good at flirting or small talk. I've never had a boyfriend, no prom date,first kiss age 20 ( first time drunk with a random guy that I never talked to again), hooked up with two guys- don't talk. Almost had boyfriend but couldnt get passed the touch barrier and was too afriad to actually go out with him. But with all the guys and others that I liked, they only thought I was hot. They never liked me. I get depressed alot because I can't make connections with guys. One reason is that I think they'll just want to hook up. I can never find anyone, not just guys, in general, that understands me.

    Sorry for my ramble (pretty sure I have adhd too). But I guess my question is are there any attractive intp women out there and if so what is your experience with dating.

  2. #2
    WALMART
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    Perhaps thinking no one understands you is what bars you from developing meaningful interpersonal relationships.

    I promise you, plenty of men will like you for what your mind contains, if you give them the chance. Remember, you control the ultimate speed of a relationship. If a guy doesn't want to hold on, let him go.



    But if it's simply meeting them that's the problem, I don't know what to tell you.

  3. #3
    Junior Member moonnx's Avatar
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    Yeah...I'm kinda afraid to think people actually like me. I just assume since that Intps are supposed to be alone and that I can't do anything about it. But also when I do meet people I like and try to talk to them they usually get nervous because I'm very attractive. When I'm not thinking on looks really. The guys that do try to talk to me are only interested in my looks-I try to talk to them but I know all they're looking for immediately or we have nothing in common. But this makes me just think that whenever ANY guy tries to talk to me that he just thinks I'm pretty and wants to hook up with me. I have very little friends as well. So it's basically trying to talk to guys I like while shoving away all the guys chasing me down. But that rare time someone actually likes me I try my best to make them not like me- being very disagreble, making fun of them, saying I like all the opposite stuff they do...it doesn't always work...Idk I guess I need to "loosen up"- done that- started drinking, hooked up with a few guys- didn't change anything. =/
    Oh and I've only been on one date before and the rest of my encounters were 3 drunk hookups. I almost had one guy that I worked with but I refused to go out with him b/c I knew he wouldn't like me after he got to know me.

  4. #4
    F CK all I need is U ilikeitlikethat's Avatar
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    That is just freaky, the timing; great thread. You're right, you are attractive.

  5. #5
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Alright listen first you got to know there is nothing cute or charming about going on and on about how hot you are but you're an intp so maybe you're a bit clueless so my saying this isn't meant to be mean... It's just information.

    Secondly why random hookups? You dont need to do that.. If you want to... Then that's whatever I guess.

    But really you don't need to take responsibility for other people's reactions to you. Let go of that and just be you.


    The real you. Stop pushing away people you like and sleeping with ones you don't.

    It's perfectly fine and normal to be an attractive intp girl. There are quite a few of those here. It's not some sad position to be in.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #6
    WALMART
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonnx View Post
    Yeah...I'm kinda afraid to think people actually like me. I just assume since that Intps are supposed to be alone and that I can't do anything about it. But also when I do meet people I like and try to talk to them they usually get nervous because I'm very attractive. When I'm not thinking on looks really. The guys that do try to talk to me are only interested in my looks-I try to talk to them but I know all they're looking for immediately or we have nothing in common. But this makes me just think that whenever ANY guy tries to talk to me that he just thinks I'm pretty and wants to hook up with me. I have very little friends as well. So it's basically trying to talk to guys I like while shoving away all the guys chasing me down. But that rare time someone actually likes me I try my best to make them not like me- being very disagreble, making fun of them, saying I like all the opposite stuff they do...it doesn't always work...Idk I guess I need to "loosen up"- done that- started drinking, hooked up with a few guys- didn't change anything. =/
    Oh and I've only been on one date before and the rest of my encounters were 3 drunk hookups. I almost had one guy that I worked with but I refused to go out with him b/c I knew he wouldn't like me after he got to know me.

    When I first got into MBTI I kept falling into that 'I'm an XXXX and XXX is supposed to be XXX and I can't do anything about it' routine. Now I've kinda accepted it as a tool of understand rather than a rulebook.

    Also, earlier you said two guys =P


    I don't know. Sounds like you have self-confidence issues. Someday you'll figure it all out.

  7. #7
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Being attractive is a tool you can learn to use for your own benefit. If guys only want you for your looks, you can learn to identify it and just ignore those guys if you want more than that. (You don't need to push them away.) Right now you are making assumptions that guys will cease to be interested in you once they get to know you. Develop your skills in assessing people's characters (Ne + Fe), and you can tell the ones with respect from the ones who want to use you. Also a guy liking your looks is a good thing; ultimately you want this, but from a guy who likes what is under the surface as well. And for that to happen you need to like yourself, both inside and out. Just be open and interact with people for enjoyment, and spend time with people you enjoy and with whom you have things in common. Don't obsess over motivations, or be attached to outcomes. The more you socialize with people you like, the easier it will be for one of these friend relationships to segue into being more than friends. It seems to me it would benefit you to learn how to make friends with both genders before you pursue a relationship.

    This is my advice. I've experienced some of the same things. I'm fairly attractive, but I didn't know it for a long time, and I have very little natural skill with friendship. I had to learn it all. First you need to be comfortable with yourself, then with casual friendships, then with the idea of a relationship, then slowly when you are ready you will find yourself in one. Gradually build trust and intimacy.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Pseudo's Avatar
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    complainabraging?

  9. #9
    figsfiggyfigs
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    Title made me think of "Bass fishing"

  10. #10
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I get where she's coming from, and I still haven't figured it out myself. People tend to perceive you one way, and you know you're a weirdo INTP that's going to take some time to get to know. A lot of guys who just see "hot chick" before them won't be compatible with a nerdy INTP, and it exhausts the socially inept INTP to weed through everyone that gets flirty to find folks you do click with. "Friends first" is the best solution I've found, but it's still a somewhat annoying problem to have--to be perceived as different than you perceive yourself, and not have the natural social wherewithal to navigate that issue.


    @Lady X, I don't know the OP personally, but I'll wager she doesn't really put much stock into her looks, despite talking about them. She's probably more comfortable saying "I'm attractive" because it's been an observable fact based on people's reactions to her, but she doesn't see it as anything she values or has achieved. That's INTP for ya. :-P (Edit: It also sounds like I'm bragging in my earlier paragraph, and I'm not--just too tired to make it more socially acceptable.)
    Something Witty

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