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Thread: INTP + INFJ

  1. #1
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Default INTP + INFJ

    I wonder how this combination works? To be more specific, he's a type 9w1 and I'm 4w5.

    I've never felt so strongly toward someone online, but lately, after nearly 7 months of interaction, he totally melts my heart away.

    Yes, the pace has been really slow, but to me it works perfectly as I normally dislike rushing things especially in romantic engagement.

    Anyhow, just wondering how other posters felt about the union of INTP and INFJ in general.

  2. #2
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    From an INTP perspective, I think it all depends on how high a horse the INFJ is riding on.



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    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Do not understand these questions. What does "in general" have to do with romantic attachment?

    Anyway, it happens, is about all I can tell you. But you already know that.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    From an INTP perspective, I think it all depends on how high a horse the INFJ is riding on.
    That is my impression as well. A significant number of INFJs seem to have a quiet (yet rigid) sense of moral superiority on controversial matters.

    For the most part, I think the match is great. The potential for mutual understanding and admiration is significant.

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    I'm an INFJ 9w1 and my first girlfriend was an INTP 4w5. We also started off really slow.. neither of us made a move for nearly 6 months. I think we both moved like glaciers in terms of a relationship progressing.

    The relationship itself was very enjoyable. We were like best friends and spent every moment together running to parks, going on random adventures and staying inside for cuddle time. We never argued.. at the time was highly enjoyable since I'm a 9 but hindsight tells me that it was unhealthy. You'd think after 5 years you'd have at least ONE yelling argument or disagreement. We understood each other's quirks and thought processes and I believe we both learned a lot from each other. We still talk every month or so and keep in touch. Deep down I still consider her to be a good friend even though we don't talk often.

    I wouldn't be opposed to date another INTP if I were single again. I find them interesting. I wish you the best of luck!!

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    I wonder how this combination works? To be more specific, he's a type 9w1 and I'm 4w5.

    I've never felt so strongly toward someone online, but lately, after nearly 7 months of interaction, he totally melts my heart away.

    Yes, the pace has been really slow, but to me it works perfectly as I normally dislike rushing things especially in romantic engagement.

    Anyhow, just wondering how other posters felt about the union of INTP and INFJ in general.

    All people have capacity for interpersonal relations on a meaningful level.


    It would be more helpful if you listed the kinds of things he does that makes you feel good, and the things that don't =P

  7. #7
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    Well, I'd say it's not to be trifled with. Fifteen years ago an INTP crushed my heart and it took about 10 years for me to start getting over it. INTP + INFJ can be a powerful drug, not to be mixed with casual flirtations or petty dramas.

    It was another INTP who pieced my heart back together and handed it to me to do with as I wished. I've never met another man I could trust so thoroughly, who combined tough insight with gentle understanding. I married him.

    We met online; we both felt a strong connection pretty quickly, but we took it slow. Two years long-distance relationship, then two years close-proximity relationship. We've been married a year and 5 months now. Feels like it gets better every day.

    How does it work? I don't exactly know.

    He puts up with me. He finds me amusing when I'm very very serious. He seems to be able to anticipate many of my thoughts before I think them. He has a peacefulness that is infectious. He vacuums the house and does the dishes without my asking, makes dinner when I'm working late. When I'm doing a DIY project around the house--tiling or painting or building a bookcase--he doesn't try to oversee the project or point out what I'm doing wrong. In a hundred little ways every day, he encouraged me to be myself & keeps loving me even when that self isn't pretty. He is true through & through; he never goes back on his word. If he forgets, he makes it right.

    We laugh a lot together. Giggle and snicker and fall together on the sofa howling with delight. We share happy quiet evenings. He paces around the house and pontificates on an idea he's working through. I enjoy listening, but he doesn't get mad if I occasionally fall asleep on him.

    He just read this and said I'm omitting all his flaws. He honestly doesn't have very many. I guess one thing we're not in synch on is a sense of drive and responsibility. I find it difficult to relax and do nothing productive. I keep thinking of all the work that needs doing around the house and I can't seem to relax while it's still undone. He can sit peacefully in the midst of chaos. We really work to keep this difference from becoming a stumbling-block, and I think we're pretty good at it. I use him as a reminder to slow down and enjoy the moment and keep my priorities in order. Sometimes he asks me to stop and just let things go, and I do. He uses me as a reminder that sometimes you just have to jump in and get stuff done. In the end, we tend to balance each other.

    The OP is sort of vague & general. Is this the sort of response you're looking for? Of course I love talking about my honey, but listening to someone else rave about DH can be boring. Feel free to ask more questions if there's something specific you're looking for.

  8. #8
    ISFJophile zelo1954's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by faith View Post
    I guess one thing we're not in synch on is a sense of drive and responsibility. I find it difficult to relax and do nothing productive. I keep thinking of all the work that needs doing around the house and I can't seem to relax while it's still undone. He can sit peacefully in the midst of chaos. We really work to keep this difference from becoming a stumbling-block, and I think we're pretty good at it.
    Ah yes. If an INTP doesn't particularly value a clean house the only reason he'd actually clean it up is because his love for you overrides his distaste for doing an unnecessary job. I bet you have lots of those. I also bet you he's not an extreme P otherwise he'd drive you insane.
    Cognitive functions:
    Fi (95%); Ti (90%); Ne (75%); Fe (60%); Ni (50%); Si (50%); Te (15%); Se (5%)

    "INFP values but INTP skills" describes me best of all

  9. #9
    Senior Member sulfit's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crescent Fresh View Post
    I wonder how this combination works? To be more specific, he's a type 9w1 and I'm 4w5.
    In socionics the relations between Ni-Fe type (INFJ) and Ti-Ne type (INTP) are described as Benefit Relationship with INFJ in role of benefactor to INTP and INTP being beneficiary to INFJ. One problem area I've noticed is that INFJ can criticize INTP too much about their social faux pas and their introversion. INFJ should take care to listen closely to his or her INTP partner. INTP can feel like he or she is trying too hard and getting too little in return.

  10. #10
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    It's already been touched on and Faith really brings it out: INTPs can be people of principle and INFJs can respect and admire that a lot, especially if the INTP's principles align well with the INFJ's values. As long as you have the chemistry and the mutual respect/admiration going on, I think it can keep working. Of course that is probably true of any personality combination.

    FWIW, my INTP tested 1w9 and I tested 9w1. We met irl, were engaged in two months and married within the year.

    Our biggest sticking points (from my perspective) have been division of labor and decision making/planning. We have them fairly well figured out for how life is now. He works, usually takes out the trash, and does his own laundry (everybody in the house does their own laundry most of the time). I go to school, pay the bills, manage the house and kids (they are all teenagers so they don't take much managing anymore). I do most of the cleaning -- it isn't much because I'm a slob, too. He and I grocery shop together which has become our 'date night' because we usually eat out before we hit the store. We keep a lot of microwavable stuff on hand and everybody mostly feeds themselves.

    Basically, the house is a mess, the bills are sometimes late but usually nothing gets shut off, we eat like we live in a convenience store, the children have essentially been raised by wolves, we have a lot of computers and books, there is very little conflict, a fair amount of silliness and frequent ranting about stupid and/or mean people we work and/or go to school with. Not everybody's cup of tea, but we're pretty happy or as happy as a couple of angsty INs have any hope of being.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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