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  1. #31
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    I think what Jim means (correct me if I'm wrong), is that it comes down to the difference between INTP and INTJ decision making process. INTJs are usually decisive when it comes to establishing a relationship (i.e. "do you want a relantionship? No? Fuck you then"). While INTPs like to poke around and meander, and thusly freak out when an INTJ gives them what could be construed as an ultimatum.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    I don't even know what that means, Jim.

    What is "short term defriending due to being taken aback due to continued questioning"?

    Also, what is "long term doorslamming if reconciliation doesn't happen withing a relatively prompt time scale"?
    Sorry, reading back you are correct I hadn't properly considered this before I typed it. I'll come back to it in a few days once I've processed what I intend to say.

    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    I think what Jim means (correct me if I'm wrong), is that it comes down to the difference between INTP and INTJ decision making process. INTJs are usually decisive when it comes to establishing a relationship (i.e. "do you want a relantionship? No? Fuck you then"). While INTPs like to poke around and meander, and thusly freak out when an INTJ gives them what could be construed as an ultimatum.
    There was something more about the extroverted thinking nature of the INTJ that whenever it rubs up against defining the INTP on fixed lines there is a risk it can cause massive offense, I'll need to consider the correct way to word that.

  3. #33
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Sorry, reading back you are correct I hadn't properly considered this before I typed it. I'll come back to it in a few days once I've processed what I intend to say.
    It's cool. Take your time.


    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    I think what Jim means (correct me if I'm wrong), is that it comes down to the difference between INTP and INTJ decision making process. INTJs are usually decisive when it comes to establishing a relationship (i.e. "do you want a relantionship? No? Fuck you then"). While INTPs like to poke around and meander, and thusly freak out when an INTJ gives them what could be construed as an ultimatum.
    Gotcha. Like 8 years into a relationship when the INTJ says, "Either we're getting married or we're not. Make up your mind!" And the INTP says, "Wait, what? I didn't even know we were dating, I thought we were just library buddies."
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  4. #34
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Beyond the joke that I posted, I honestly think an INTP/INTJ relationship could work well, as long as they've both got well-developed Fe/Fi and the maturity to handle any relationship.

    There's a fun, playful side to the INTP that an INTJ might enjoy. They could both respect each other's need for space but the timing of space necessary might be an issue long-term unless they could find a way to meet in the middle.

  5. #35
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    There was something more about the extroverted thinking nature of the INTJ that whenever it rubs up against defining the INTP on fixed lines there is a risk it can cause massive offense, I'll need to consider the correct way to word that.
    Could you be referring to the fact that INTJs tend to find INTPs intellectually intriguing and at the same time resent them for seemingly squandering away their potential?
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  6. #36
    Senior Member INTPness's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    Could you be referring to the fact that INTJs tend to find INTPs intellectually intriguing and at the same time resent them for seemingly squandering away their potential?
    Doh! I'd like to hear more about this "resentment", Edgar. Is it that we have so much potential, yet we're lazy and don't carry out our plans at times? Or something different than this? Why would it make INTJ's resentful? I'm not saying that it shouldn't make them resentful, just wondering why it does.
    NTJ's are the only types that have ever made me feel emo.
    ENP's are the only types that have ever made me feel like a sensor.


    There are two great days in a person's life - the day we are born and the day we discover why. --William Barclay

  7. #37
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    Good match: intellectual equals, good communication, supportive in each others goals, attracted to each others differences, both like to be pretty autonomous in a relationship.

    INTJ's are typically attracted to the flexible, spontaneous nature of the INTP. INTJ helping the INTP learn to be more organized and punctual.

    The advantages I mentioned can also be the primary source of frustrations, so they both would have to give a little.

  8. #38
    Nerd King Usurper Edgar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTPness View Post
    Doh! I'd like to hear more about this "resentment", Edgar. Is it that we have so much potential, yet we're lazy and don't carry out our plans at times? Or something different than this? Why would it make INTJ's resentful? I'm not saying that it shouldn't make them resentful, just wondering why it does.
    INTJs are very demanding of themselves and of others, and tend to disdain waste and complacency. So if you wander into their realm they will hold you to the same standards that they hold themselves, which most likely be "unreasonable" for an INTP. Of course, a wise INTJ realizes that different people approach life differently, but you know, sometimes you can't help being you.
    Listen to me, baby, you got to understand, you're old enough to learn the makings of a man.

  9. #39
    Senior Member Onceajoan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hilo View Post
    I was in a long-term relationship with an INTJ, and I can see some of the problems you've experienced. The INTJ was a bit more serious about everything, milestones, etc. than I could ever be. But it's a mistake to think an INTP (or any normal human being) is "emotionally vacant". If anything, it's the INTJ who has more difficulty being expressive.

    The issue that killed us was mutual neglect. Having two people who deny they have emotional needs in a relationship can be a real challenge, especially if they are also not being open about other things (both can have a tendency to be secretive). But I don't think in general that the INTP/INTJ relationship is doomed. It's not the kind that explodes, but fades. Non-negligible chance of becoming "roommates" after years of marriage, etc.
    This^

    Just got out of a long term relationship with XNTP. "It's not the kind that explodes but fades." as well as "mutual neglect" are good ways to depict the demise of the NT/NT relationship. Still, I think it can be good in the beginning when debate as a form of intellectual exchange is novel and has not yet turned into a constant bickering fest.

    Quote Originally Posted by Metaphor View Post
    Beyond the joke that I posted, I honestly think an INTP/INTJ relationship could work well, as long as they've both got well-developed Fe/Fi and the maturity to handle any relationship.
    This is the ONLY way I can see the relationship working long term. My ex INTP lacked one ounce of Fe/Fi and wasn't interested in developing it either. That was the beginning of the end.

    An aside: In reference to the earlier comment about an INTJ resenting their INTP for squandering their talent away, I certainly don't believe that applies to most INTPs. I understand most INTPs to be quite talented, competent and intelligent. My ex INTP is quite ambitious and successful. He could be a bit indecisive and lacking in planning and organizational skills, but he was certainly not lazy.

  10. #40
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    @Coriolis

    How is your relationship with the INTP mate of yours? I'm curious.

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