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  1. #71
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    So when some woman comes along who seems imaginative, and slightly quirky/unpredictable/mysterious, and able to follow what he's saying and even push him a bit ahead of himself....well, there is a zap or connection there, he gets a jolt off it.
    Stop taking everything off my head. LOL! *hugs*

    I would think it hurts him a lot on the inside. Even if he can detach or act indifferent. And it's not just losing you, but losing "possibilities" for his life to change. A very big broad loss in addition to the specifics of you.
    As a male INTP, I won't overblow his possible hang-ups, or whatever that void is. Introverted Thinking can really create a really strong "lie" of making the void appear smaller than what it actually is. And it always work like that.

    I guess it would hurt him... Not to get too off the point, although I think it is quite related, but how do you think animus/anima relates in this. We could have just been projecting onto each other... intensely. Do you think INTP have a particular animus (like a particular type) or would this be more inclined to very specific characteristics based un upbrining - I leaning more towards the latter.
    Hmmm....come to think of it. My "dream girl" falls in the INFP category. If you've watched the movie 300, you can imagine the set-up between Leonidas and his wife, of how he consults her before going to war, with him having doubts about his endeavor, and he needs the moral support of the wife.

    As vivid as my memory is (or any INTP for that matter), I don't think I'm detached from reality that much to envision that perfect archetypal girl to the point of making her almost a surreal entity in my mind, which I daydream about, when at the same time, I have a fully working relationship in the real world. The idea of interacting with an effeminate subconscious is something that happens to me on some occasions, but it doesn't affect me that much to the point of affecting my daily life.

    Well, of course, things do get surprising when that archetypal girl shows up in reality--basically manifests in a certain real life person.

  2. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cypocalypse View Post
    Hmmm....come to think of it. My "dream girl" falls in the INFP category. If you've watched the movie 300, you can imagine the set-up between Leonidas and his wife, of how he consults her before going to war, with him having doubts about his endeavor, and he needs the moral support of the wife.

    As vivid as my memory is (or any INTP for that matter), I don't think I'm detached from reality that much to envision that perfect archetypal girl to the point of making her almost a surreal entity in my mind, which I daydream about, when at the same time, I have a fully working relationship in the real world. The idea of interacting with an effeminate subconscious is something that happens to me on some occasions, but it doesn't affect me that much to the point of affecting my daily life.

    Well, of course, things do get surprising when that archetypal girl shows up in reality--basically manifests in a certain real life person.
    Right, I was telling Jennifer earlier that this guy did share a bit about his personal life with me and even consulted me if he was making the right decision on occasion regarding personal things... *sigh* I wish I had that brain-thingy they used on Clementine in The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...*whish*

  3. #73
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    still surprisingly innovative, how brutal things like, love "could be working" are over-read xD
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  4. #74
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by treeleaning View Post
    I've read in at least a couple of places, but I can only find these at the moment:
    PersonalityPage.com
    Once the INTP has committed themself to a relationship, they tend to be very faithful and loyal, and form affectionate attachments which are pure and straight-forward. The INTP has no interest or understanding of game-playing with regards to relationships. However, if something happens which the INTP considers irreconciliable, they will leave the relationship and not look back.

    I found this on this page: Re: J/P MBTI Observations in 5's
    As NT "analyst" rational types - the INTP and INTJ might have trouble expressing their feelings to one another. Both types are pretty naive and raw when it comes to emotions as it is. Both types are unlikely to cheat with or without commitment so that is a plus. Both types hate to play mind games although they would probably be extremely good at it.
    Yeah. . . . . . . . . . I think those are all BS. Real research is a little bit different, but even then, you can't really know if your generalization applies.

    This sooo sounds like him. He would make daring long gazes, do things for me, (subtle gestures and little things to make my job easier), but when I came up close he would freak...and say silly things and over-whelmingly compliment me on things - so out of character from the usual the other serious/no-emotion guy-face. He would get all giddy.
    Yep. The overwhelming complimentary nature, lame jokes, hyper-intellectualism are all signals of false-self covering abandonment anxiety.

    So are you implying that he is afraid of being abandoned by his wife - or just from relationships in general? He seems to have a thread of this fear I sense in him - of wanting things to be just so - not looking ignorant in front of others... (I can sense this too).
    In general, he's afraid of being abandoned by love objects. I'm not saying this is FOR SURE, since all you said was he gets close and hesitates, but it sounds pretty typical. Maybe you started as a friend and moved into the love-object category.

    If it's true, you can make some predictions about his behavior. Once he gets tired of conjuring the false self, he'll use a different defense mechanism like avoidance/devaluation. He'll seem suddenly less interested in you as a way to abate his investment and thereby, his anxiety. He might seem a little less stressed, but he'll still be tired in having to maintain a certain image of you in order to feel kinda hopeless about you. Keep an eye out! You might be able to help him out by bringing some of this stuff up in a clever way. Any book on abandonment anxiety would be a cool gift.

    Completely agree with English's scant vocabulary that limits our ability at attempts to express the nuanced degrees of "love." Sometmes "love" in marriages becomes more like familial or brotherly love for some - like a pal - but the "lover" somewhere along the way gets lost. Based on my own personal history I would have to agree with your last statement.
    So would I.


  5. #75
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Yeah. . . . . . . . . . I think those are all BS.
    Truth, spoken with a smile. A round yellow smile. :-p
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Yeah. . . . . . . . . . I think those are all BS. Real research is a little bit different, but even then, you can't really know if your generalization applies.



    Yep. The overwhelming complimentary nature, lame jokes, hyper-intellectualism are all signals of false-self covering abandonment anxiety.



    In general, he's afraid of being abandoned by love objects. I'm not saying this is FOR SURE, since all you said was he gets close and hesitates, but it sounds pretty typical. Maybe you started as a friend and moved into the love-object category.

    If it's true, you can make some predictions about his behavior. Once he gets tired of conjuring the false self, he'll use a different defense mechanism like avoidance/devaluation. He'll seem suddenly less interested in you as a way to abate his interest and his anxiety. He might seem a little less stressed, but he'll still be tired in having to maintain a certain image of you in order to feel kinda hopeless about you. Keep an eye out!
    Yeah, he did this. Saying "avoidance" remarks to me - and honestly, being a little "intentionally" mean. I let them blow past and never called him on it - it was confusing...
    You might be able to help him out by bringing some of this stuff up in a clever way. Any book on abandonment anxiety would be a cool gift.
    That a great idea, BUT I think it may be a tad awkward to present someone with this... but maybe somehow. You've given me a lot of food for thought. I just really like this guy a lot (obviously) and want him to be happy in his life - (with or without) me.

    How is the giddy/hyper-active vs. the paralyzed avoidance any different that the "push/pull" of game playing? Granted it is more abrupt with the mixed signals - more severe, but I would like to hear an INTPs take on this.

    Curious - what do you think are the top reasons you would *look* outside your relationship?

  7. #77
    Fe, rusted. Poser's Avatar
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    I feel like I just got interested in a cancelled show. I wonder how all of this turned out?

    I don't think the phases Edahn was referring to would be part of a game or part of an intentional play by the INTP to further your interest. That is how I would see it as different than game playing.

    I don't think anyone *looks* outside their relationship. Well, I guess there could always be some that say "Great, I am in a committed relationship. Let's see what else is out there now!", but I would think they would be in the minority. That doesn't explain the large percentage of people that cheat. I think the majority would be people that have things missing in their relationships and end up finding it in someone else without looking.


  8. #78
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    There's a ton of great interpersonal behavior analysis in this thread. What I would add has basically been said by others in their words.

    Regarding some side convos:

    Generalization, but unrelentingly accurate so far: SJs do very little to attract me, even if they're carved out of marble. I know better than to attempt even a close friendship there, let alone a romantic relationship. Clashing over everything would never stop. And of course there's no spark, no spark 'tall.

    The above is much less true with regard to INFPs, but with increased closeness comes increased value conflict, in line with Jennifer's comments. I tend to prefer admiring the INFP from a safe distance. It would be erroneous to assume the INTP discussed in the OP is my long lost mental twin, but if he were I would certainly think the x in treeleaning's xNFP were an E.

  9. #79
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jack Flak View Post
    There's a ton of great interpersonal behavior analysis in this thread. What I would add has basically been said by others in their words.

    Regarding some side convos:

    Generalization, but unrelentingly accurate so far: SJs do very little to attract me, even if they're carved out of marble. I know better than to attempt even a close friendship there, let alone a romantic relationship. Clashing over everything would never stop. And of course there's no spark, no spark 'tall.

    The above is much less true with regard to INFPs, but with increased closeness comes increased value conflict, in line with Jennifer's comments. I tend to prefer admiring the INFP from a safe distance. It would be erroneous to assume the INTP discussed in the OP is my long lost mental twin, but if he were I would certainly think the x in treeleaning's xNFP were an E.
    It hurts to be dissed by you....seriously.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bella View Post
    It hurts to be dissed by you....seriously.
    Oops. There's someone for everyone though, don't take it personally.

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