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  1. #31
    Free-Rangin' Librarian Jae Rae's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mort Belfry View Post
    Go on, enjoy yourself. Life is but a once-around.
    Affairs are more than sex. Entropie's advice is very sound.

    Jae Rae
    Proud Female Rider in Maverick's Bike Club.

  2. #32
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    I doubt he is in open marriage with sad, longing look. I am not prepared to call him a jerk. I don't know his situation in his marriage and he hasn't crossed the line far enough yet. jmo.
    Yep, I read partly in the opening post that this guy could just be hopeless around women he is attracted to (and all men are attracted to other women, married or not). Note, i said attracted to, not obligated to have an affair with!

    Being nervous and flirty around an attractive woman, even when in a relationship, sounds very INTP to me, and doesnt mean he is being unfaithful.

  3. #33
    Lallygag Moderator Geoff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by treeleaning View Post
    My understanding is that when an INTP decides a relationship is over it is definitely over, period, with very few exceptions. So I guess this is also a part of the passitivity - the limbo, as you say, of not wanting to make the hard decisions. // I guess this indecisive state would thus push you farther into your head, work and thinking and away from your relationship - and ultimately be a state of depression - unless you can learn to really detach.
    I don't agree.. INTPs like to leave decision making open, and don't like black and white... so is a relationship "definitely over, period"? Hmm... would depend greatly on circumstances.

  4. #34
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by treeleaning View Post
    Well.... I don't think he was looking to be just friends I sensed him staring and observing me from a distance awhile before he actually starting making discreet direct eye contact with me. I guess I should elaborate here - the *flirting* wasn't contrived/fakey light-hearted sentiments tossed back and forth - they were more like gazing into each others eyes, - that certain je ne sais quoi about it. B/c - the often referenced notions that NT may sometimes be a little awkward at flirting I think are true, however I think I made it a little easier for him as I expressed my interest back... before I discovered he was attached
    I see... That seems to give a clear sense of his nonverbals and intentions then.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Cypocalypse's Avatar
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    Treeleaning,

    I'm not married myself but I guess I can give you some good insights on this.

    INTPs know that their weak Fe won't allow them to be very sociable. They're no social conformist, and they know that it's innate in their nature to question it. To offset their weakness in this aspect of sociability, they define their social life differently--that is, they try to make closer ties with people they find to be attuned to them. In some cases (if not most), the target are women.

    They know they have weak casual social skills, so they make up with that through forging closer ties. And they know they're good at it.

    1. The Ne/P axis of the INTP is a good listening trait, and it always sees the person beyond the superficial.

    2. The strong Ti means weak F, making it raw, so whatever an INTP says, it's almost always sincere.

    3. Sincerity, plus good listening skills, plus seeing beyond the superficial is a very excellent combination for someone in building deeper ties. INTPs make good friends and they have a female market for that.

    _________________

    Unlike The introverted STJs and NTJs who can always argue that their achievements and career can compensate for their lack of sociability, INTPs are not gunning for specialized achievements or carreers, and they would most likely balance out their relationship with their personal life.

    Also, INTPs would sometime try to veer away from the stereotypical INTJ dork dilemma. Their ability to forge closer ties with people can easily put them in the dreaded friend zone and maybe, in some instances, they'll try to move away from this. Compared to some full-fledged dorks, They're not really that dorky, yet and sometimes, the lure of flirting just to prove that the INTP dude can do it can be really tempting.

    Problems can sometimes arise in long term relationships or in marriages because by default, the INTPs gun for the safe archetypes (ISFJ females, for example) that they know would provide them with their needed initial stability. INTPs know that they don't get to interact with people that much hence they wanna make sure that their choices for a partner are the "ideal" archetypes.

    These safe archetypes, on the other hand, don't really push for personal growth/self actualization, unlike INTPs who are so much into it. Sometimes they would feel that they're "growing" way beyond their partners and sometimes, the lure of sustaining it through another person can be tempting, especially if the woman has a strong N function and can feed the needs of the INTP. That's why a healthy INFP for example, can be very tempting.

    The INTPs want to be read, mentally provoked, etc. and based on personal experience, my female INFP friends know how to push the right buttons.


    Now, one may ask if this would result in the INTP guy having sexual attraction to the woman. Most likely yes, but this doesn't necessarily means that the guy expects that it would eventually happen. By default, hardly any INTP guy thinks that he can make a career of cheating sexually. It's one of his perceived weakest traits.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cypocalypse View Post
    Treeleaning,


    Problems can sometimes arise in long term relationships or in marriages because by default, the INTPs gun for the safe archetypes (ISFJ females, for example) that they know would provide them with their needed initial stability. INTPs know that they don't get to interact with people that much hence they wanna make sure that their choices for a partner are the "ideal" archetypes.

    These safe archetypes, on the other hand, don't really push for personal growth/self actualization, unlike INTPs who are so much into it. Sometimes they would feel that they're "growing" way beyond their partners and sometimes, the lure of sustaining it through another person can be tempting, especially if the woman has a strong N function and can feed the needs of the INTP. That's why a healthy INFP for example, can be very tempting.

    The INTPs want to be read, mentally provoked, etc. and based on personal experience, my female INFP friends know how to push the right buttons.


    Now, one may ask if this would result in the INTP guy having sexual attraction to the woman. Most likely yes, but this doesn't necessarily means that the guy expects that it would eventually happen. By default, hardly any INTP guy thinks that he can make a career of cheating sexually. It's one of his perceived weakest traits.
    Would you say most INTPs then are/or end up with an ISFJ partner? This INTP is very goal driven, (but is not a J) - maybe he leads with an sp factor - stability and need to provide for his children (yes, he has those too) ... - maybe he is an sp/sx.

    I am starting to gain a real sense that men, no matter what their type, may periodically "test the waters." However, a lot of men to know when/how to curb down more *serious* flirting if they have no intentions to go farther - maybe I am wrong here - but I've been around the block a bit and could "have gone there" with some who were definitely putting it out there and I chose not to - for same said reasons.

    My take is that people who allow themselves to *fall* for something deeper than casual flirting and move it to the "next stage" are vulnerable themselves in some sense.

  7. #37
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by treeleaning View Post
    Do you mean that he isn't just passively trying to boost his ego, (or is everything all wrapped into that...)? I doubt he would ever leave his wife - but he does seem a bit sad - he has children too. I am just intrigued - b/c the furnance between us was/is hot. Damn him being married....
    Been there. Hard to match INTP "come hither" stares for intensity. Mine was really attractive, funny and married too and yes, it was like someone turned on a blowtorch when we were around each other. The sexual tension was SO BAD. It ended one day with him nearly grabbing me and carrying me off to his car. The cosmic and moral implications would have been terrible.

    I have advice for you.

    RUN.

    RUN FAST.

    AWAY.

    QUICK LIKE A BUNNY.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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  8. #38
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jae Rae View Post
    Affairs are more than sex. Entropie's advice is very sound.

    Jae Rae
    QFT.

    There's being chatty/flirty and then there's "I'm going to pull your clothes off and work you out, baby". ANYONE can automatically tell the difference. One is most certainly cheating while the other is just silliness.

    Intention matters.
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  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    QFT.

    There's being chatty/flirty and then there's "I'm going to pull your clothes off and work you out, baby". ANYONE can automatically tell the difference. One is most certainly cheating while the other is just silliness.

    Intention matters.
    Whole heartedly agree - the *FU* eyes don't lie.

  10. #40
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by treeleaning View Post
    Whole heartedly agree - the *FU* eyes don't lie.
    NO THEY DON'T!

    My ENTP used to sit across from me, turn his chair so his back was to the wall and give me dirty looks while I was trying to fix engines. Freak. (*fanning myself*)
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
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