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  1. #11
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    I am also married to an INTP and so far your post (referring to Cafe's) has been the most positive and reassuring one I have read. Thank you! I will probably refer back to this many times.

    As an F, I have found it extremely difficult to connect with my spouse on any kind of intimate level (not meaning sex per se) but just that F bonding. While we love each other and have a mutual intrigue with each other, we just don't seem to really "get" each other. Just curious as to how you've learned to overcome that, if you would feel free to share that info.

    Otherwise, thanks again and it was good to see insight into the intp/ixfp relationship. I am an isfp but your comments also fit my experience as well.

  2. #12
    Member INTPatricia's Avatar
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    Default list of what an intp wants inside of a relationship

    What would make me happy:


    Although my personal list would be:

    1. Space <--me

    2. Unlimited Sex <--me

    3. A Housekeeper <--me

    :eek: :horor: <--expression of housekeepers

    (this isn't much to ask when you think that you get to have an intp all to yourself)

    (Since I am not anybody's wife...shocker, there...this is as yet, untested)


    I found the following list online, and I think it is pretty good:

    ice_angel's "What an INTP wife wants."


    What an INTP Wants:

    1. Moral support
    We don't act as the conventional happy homemaker, but as the wife (our definition), parent, and informative supplier of knowledge and growth.

    2. Someone who sees us as we see ourselves...
    You have not only accept our persona, but also embrace the person who we see ourselves as.

    3. SPACE!!!
    This too is a much desired attribute in a mate (we love reflection time...its so calming and it energizes us. )

    4. Understanding
    If we are so lenient I think that we should deserve the same. If I don't want to do something at the exact moment they should try their best to understand as we have to do.

    5. A Sweetheart
    No I don't mean a cruise that cost a million dollars. Or even that perfect outfit in the window. We don't care about that. Sometimes we just want someone who will be creative and make the most of what they've got (i.e. The sexiest thing for me would be just spending time cuddling or talking about something or someone who wants me to hold his head and comfort him..followed with a little sex though.)

    6. Lots of Sex
    This one INTP men should love a lot (SEX). Something that I'm sure most INTP women really enjoy maybe almost as much as the men if not more. Usually we don't express our feelings so sex is one way to let you men know that we appericate you!

    7. Intelligence
    An intelligent man (no I don't mean someone with an impressive IQ). Just someone we can have a civilized and intelligent theoretical or real conversation with. You just can't have good sex with a person as dumb as a crashdummie.

    8. Eccentricity
    Someone a little eccentric (quirky, kinky)This one is mainly my perception...Its very comforting to have someone as weird as you are.
    Last edited by INTPatricia; 06-27-2009 at 07:12 AM. Reason: added reference link

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Actually, I probably beat it to death in gory detail.
    You did the summation.
    I thought that you more accurately chainsawed it. I cut it to fleshy strings with the machette of INTP brutality.

  4. #14
    Ghost Monkey Soul Vizconde's Avatar
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    I first read the list and said. Dang that is a reasonable list and it would be great if the other partner just substantially abided by this list. Even thought of printing out the list as my potential partners obligation to our social compact (maybe even incorporate them into our wedding vows ;-) )
    Then I read Jennifer's amusing and poignant rebuttal.
    Afterward I just said to myself...I guess its too much to ask another person. Think I will stay out of LTRs.
    No wonder INTP males are statistically the most dissatisfying relationships for women, we think these conditions are not only reasonable but also satisfying to the partner.

  5. #15
    . Blank's Avatar
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    I just thought it would be a badass relationship.

    Eh, I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm tired, so I'm going to take a shower and go to sleeeeeeep. G'night.
    Ti = 19 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Te = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ne = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fi = 15 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Si = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ni = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Se = 11[][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fe = 0

    -----------------
    Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
    Man got to sit and wonder why, why, why;
    Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
    Man got to tell himself he understand

  6. #16
    . Blank's Avatar
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    I just thought it would be a badass relationship.

    Eh, I don't know what I'm talking about, I'm tired, so I'm going to take a shower and go to sleeeeeeep. G'night.
    Ti = 19 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Te = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ne = 16[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fi = 15 [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Si = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Ni = 12 [][][][][][][][][][][][]
    Se = 11[][][][][][][][][][][]
    Fe = 0

    -----------------
    Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
    Man got to sit and wonder why, why, why;
    Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
    Man got to tell himself he understand

  7. #17
    Senior Member SerengetiBetty's Avatar
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    this list sounds like something from someone very immature regardless of type who hasn't been in many relationships. It's basically I want what I want when I want it,so there. I think they make blow up dolls for that? That person could even record affirmative messages and attach the mp3 player to said blowup doll.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Shimmy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raincheckx3 View Post
    the guide to the INTP mate.


    "1. Lots of sex
    I dont think it is just me as an INTP who finds this a very important part of a relationship and the most important physical expression of love in a relationship - it is NOT a selfish act for selfish physical satisfaction. but hell, it is damn pleasing, too

    2. Moral support
    It is a tough world out there for INTPs

    3. An equal
    INTPs have no wish to dominate, and are crushed by domination

    4. Someone who is next to unoffendable.
    INTPs tend to lack tact, but also want and need to be brutally honest with thier intimate partners - they want someone who they can playfully insult, who will then either laugh in thier face or give it right back.

    5. Someone who can accept them for who they are and not try to change them.
    INTPs appear erratic to the casual observer in a relationship, for example - they appear to demand solitude one moment, sex the next. Non-INTPs find this VERY hard to reconcile with their typical conception of "love"

    6. Someone who accepts the peculiar WAYS they show thier love.
    Be it really, really sappy hopless-romantic type drivel or passionate physical expression, or just a touch or a simple look. The INTP way is very hard to catch, if you blink, you miss it. Non-INTPs tend to want tokens and words, not a slow dance in a room with no radio, not a quiet cuddle in front of the TV at the end of the day, or the other strange and random expressions that INTPs tend to give. [This ties in with #5.]

    7. SPACE [as in both physical and emotional space]
    In case it was missed, I'll mention it again: SPACE!! INTP men need their free time to pursue intellectual pursuits, and CAN NOT be:
    a.) disturbed
    b.) told they dont love thier partner because they spend too much time "alone", etc.
    INTP men disappear for a while, then come out swinging. this FORCES most non-INTPs to think that the INTP partner only wants them for sex. This is wrong, but if the non-INTP is not capable of #5 and #6, they are forced to believe it.

    8. Comforting. [this goes along with #2.]
    The world sucks, particularly for INTPs. They are capable of an utterly staggering amount of patience and responsibility, but in the long run, without #2 and #8, the relationship will ultimately die, or the INTP will DIE a very real death. With #2 and #8, an INTP can take a spectacular amount of abuse, responsibility, and patience in life, as long as his partner supplies #2 and #8 in sufficient quantities.

    9. An intellect. a person who can hold their own in a debate.
    The words "you always think you are right!!" are the LAST words an INTP wants to hear from their mate. The INTP wants debate! Wants intellectual stimulation! If they doesnt get it at home, #7 becomes very very very important. If their mate can not handle #7, there will be PROBLEMS. If the mate can supply #9, the INTP will be very happily occupied with their mate for a long, long time.

    10. Someone to learn with. [This goes with #9]
    Someone who is interested in learning and intellectual stimulation. The INTP needs someone who they can learn with and enjoy the mysteries and adventures of life with. Someone who can understand their interest in the esoteric, show appreciation for their interests, and even join them in these interests, or introduce them to new ones.

    11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis.
    Often the INTP finds that they are the only one "growing" in a relationship, the only one who can see the problems in the relationship. This usually forces the INTP to be the one to change, to be the one to compromise for their partner. Because many non-INTPs have no true ability to self reflect the non-INTP thinks they are ALWAYS right. The INTP spends their life examining themselves and their relationship to see what they need to do to make it work. So they spend all their time critically analyzing it, and the mate does nothing but demand that they change. This will eventually lead to the spiritual DEATH of the INTP, if not the actual PHYSICAL death of the INTP. To avoid this, the INTP person NEEDS a mate who can examine the relationship WITH them, so they can grow TOGETHER."





















    i found this on an intp forum and was just curious over how accurate it is...
    Sure these are all things I want in a relationship. But I don't go keep it as a check list every time I meet a potential mate. I think people have a couple of subconscious filters in place when meeting new people. If two people meet each other and pass each others filters then they can become friends/mates. Of your list only 3, 5 (basically the same thing) and 11 are really important to me. And I've never even talked to anyone who doesn't agree that these things are important in any relationship. And what isn't even on your list, but is way more important to me is that me and a girlfriend are compatible emotionally. I'm not one to let my guard down easily, but if I come home I want either to be alone or find someone I can share not only my thoughts, but more importantly, my feelings with.

    But yeah, if you want a cold hard list on what INTP's might consider important in relationships this is a rather good one.

    Quote Originally Posted by spamtar View Post
    Afterward I just said to myself...I guess its too much to ask another person. Think I will stay out of LTRs.
    No wonder INTP males are statistically the most dissatisfying relationships for women, we think these conditions are not only reasonable but also satisfying to the partner.
    There's a Dutch saying: "On every jar fits a lid." Meaning that there's always someone out there who is compatible with you.

  9. #19
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    1. Lots of sex
    I'm not against sex with someone I love. But lots would probably just get in the way. I suppose it depends on the definition of lots. I'd prefer making love with someone for an entire day a week as opposed to an hour here and there during the week.

    2. Moral support
    This was true for when I was younger, but it isn't much of an issue for me anymore. The only thing I do require regarding this is that my view is at the least respected. It does not need to be supported. And I expect the same in return. (There is no way I will support someone with something I don't agree with or find important.)

    3. An equal
    Probably most important. General wise. I don't mind playing games in the bedroom here and there however.

    4. Someone who is next to unoffendable.
    Generally yes, I agree. Someone being/feeling offended is unnatural for me. I myself am very hard to offend and when I am I will have a very good reason. I don't mind other people being offended for good reasons, but I would hate people to be offended for things that should not matter.

    5. Someone who can accept them for who they are and not try to change them.
    Very important. I quickly loose interest in anyone trying to change me persistantly. People are allowed to try and persuade me however, but no is no.

    6. Someone who accepts the peculiar WAYS they show thier love.
    Not that important. Accepting me for who I am is more important than accepting my peculiar ways. I don't feel threatened at all if someone doesn't find my ways appropiate or normal. It was important for me when I was younger however.

    7. SPACE [as in both physical and emotional space]
    Space is a bit of a subjective thing for me now. When I was younger I really needed alone time now and then. Nowadays I can be alone with someone else perfectly fine as well. It's like brain multitasking. As long as people don't feel offended if I may appear a little bit 'out there' now and again.

    8. Comforting. [this goes along with #2.]
    True for when I was younger, but I function perfectly fine now without comfort. I also don't actively seek comfort. If something very heavy happens and I do want comfort, I will seek it. But this is rare nowadays.

    9. An intellect. a person who can hold their own in a debate.
    This is pretty important to keep up my interest in someone. I'm always up there (brainpicking) in order to reach a better understanding in all kinds of things. It's my drive in life, which will exist until the day I die. Someone that can keep up with me will definatly remain interesting to me throughout my life. Someone who can't I'll probably grow away from.

    10. Someone to learn with. [This goes with #9]
    See 9 indeed. :P

    11. Someone capable of self reflection and self analysis.
    Also see 9. It's important in order to reach better understanding without falling to false understanding, and thus important for me.




    It is very accurate for me for when I was < 21 years old (The main points that is, some odd descriptions here and there aside). But only partially now, I'm pretty stubborn nowadays..
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  10. #20
    Member jellyfish's Avatar
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    Wow, this INTP does seem pretty young, be it mentally or in actual years. And that's coming from someone not yet out of high school...

    Let's see...
    1. Doesn't really matter to me.
    2. Who doesn't want it?
    3.Yes. I don't want to take care of someone else, or be taken care of.
    4. Well, I hope this person wouldn't look for ways to be offended. Otherwise, I can contain myself...
    5. This should pretty much be the base of every healthy relationship...
    6. Hm. I probably wouldn't work well with someone who demanded lots of cuddling in order to feel loved. Low-maintenance is good.
    7. Space is good.
    8. Not beyond the average person's needs. Perhaps even less than the average person's need for it.
    9. I'd like someone who's intelligent, but debates aren't much my thing.
    10. This would be nice, but if we have completely different interests I wouldn't mind not going through it together.
    11. Yes.

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