Please please seek marriage counseling.
I hope that he goes with you.
I know someone who is the counselor to a couple just like you and the husband in this couple started out acting exactly like your husband and now they are both making huge strides (especially him) and things are getting better between them. It's miraculous but I think they needed that 3rd party to mediate and to help them dispel any stubborn delusions they have, individually.
Also, please try your best to live in the same place. Long-distance is a relationship killer.