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  1. #1
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Default INTP and Fear of Rejection

    I am like 99% sure I am INTP, but (as I have mentioned in some of my posts) I have a constant underlying fear of rejection. From friends, potential friends, employers and potential employers, and especially lovers; even if we have had a good relationship for a really long time. I just expect that sooner or later people will discover that inside I'm really a freak and either lose interest in me or run away. I don't really need space in intimate relationships either, and if people are busy I kind of assume they don't really like me. I'm not very social though, because I kind of think not many people really want to hang out with me because they're busy when I suggest it and stuff. I mean, how do I really know?

    I'm working on getting over this.

    Do other INTP's have this problem (probably due to inferior Fe), or is this me acting like an INFP?

  2. #2
    Junior Member malachite's Avatar
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    I don't think its an INTP thing. It seems more like an insecurity thing in your case, which means its something you can improve on. If it was an INTP trait, that would imply it was something you can't really change and that's a bit depressing.

  3. #3
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    I have exact same problem. I get bored with people. After the first meeting most people don't interest me that much. Even few people I connect really well with don't wanna hang out with me cause I'm kinda weird. I don't think it has to do with insecurities though. Not sure what age you are but I learn to never let anyone in. No such thing as true friend where you can open up. I don't have any friends at the moment and I'm sure most of my previous friends are married or slave to corp world. I have no idea since I don't have facebook but I don't care cause we're not friends anymore.

  4. #4
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    I am like 99% sure I am INTP, but (as I have mentioned in some of my posts) I have a constant underlying fear of rejection. From friends, potential friends, employers and potential employers, and especially lovers; even if we have had a good relationship for a really long time. I just expect that sooner or later people will discover that inside I'm really a freak and either lose interest in me or run away. I don't really need space in intimate relationships either, and if people are busy I kind of assume they don't really like me. I'm not very social though, because I kind of think not many people really want to hang out with me because they're busy when I suggest it and stuff. I mean, how do I really know? I'm working on getting over this.

    Do other INTP's have this problem (probably due to inferior Fe), or is this me acting like an INFP?
    Yeah, I had the same kind of pattern in my history as well, and it got to the point where I was expressing Avoidant style behavior to the degree my life ALMOST became unmanageable. I still have a deep-seated fear that out of the blue at any point even my closest relationships will terminate, without my being warned or have a chance to change something; I am typically always nudging myself back on course, telling myself things are fine and I'm just being paranoid. (still, I've been torpedoed/rejected even by my parents and a few people I trusted, so that has made it even harder; just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me.) I basically have to steer myself straight and not react out of the fear, and remain as sane as I can... it seems to work, but I'm not sure people realize how much of a struggle it can be sometimes.

    I think it's a combination of past experience of rejection (for some) + a natural tendency I have to HATE to intrude into someone else's world and to also expect a low-level but basic stream of periodic cues that tell me how they really feel toward me. I was kind of surprised that many people can just trust that someone who has been there will contine to be there; one lesson life taught me is that everything changes, and since I'm constantly trying to monitor the current affair of things rather than relying on its past state, if I stop getting cues that someone likes me or is committed to our relationship -- it doesn't have to be big, but it does have to be periodic -- then eventually I start to fear that it ended and I simply wasn't told yet.

    So there's that.

    Then again, some people have tried to label me as INFP because of this.
    So take your pic.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #5
    ⒺⓉⒷ Eric B's Avatar
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    In the temperament theory I'm familiar with, fear of rejection is common to introverts. (Extroverts have more of a confidence to approach people, or their need of attention outweighs any fear of rejection).
    APS Profile: Inclusion: e/w=1/6 (Supine) |Control: e/w=7/3 (Choleric) |Affection: e/w=1/9 (Supine)
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  6. #6
    F CK all I need is U ilikeitlikethat's Avatar
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    Why must I be so passionate?

  7. #7
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    I settled this problem by talking to people on the internet rather than people in my real life.

  8. #8
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    What's this place coming to when I'm the one helping out the INTPs...



    http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...rior-itps.html

  9. #9
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by greenfairy View Post
    I just expect that sooner or later people will discover that inside I'm really a freak and either lose interest in me or run away.
    you need to show what sort of freak you really are from the beginning. if you really are the freak you think, it will drive unworthy people away and you dont need to be afraid for people who accept you as who you are losing interest in you. also as a nice added bonus, you can find someone who loves who you truly are, not just the image you present of yourself.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  10. #10
    philosopher wood nymph greenfairy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    you need to show what sort of freak you really are from the beginning. if you really are the freak you think, it will drive unworthy people away and you dont need to be afraid for people who accept you as who you are losing interest in you. also as a nice added bonus, you can find someone who loves who you truly are, not just the image you present of yourself.
    Indeed, and I do put all my cards on the table in the beginning. So it's an irrational fear. Then sometimes I think they won't like me because I'm awkward or clingy...

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