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  1. #1
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Default what's the point of staying in touch with a family you dislike?

    I'm living with my parents at the moment cause I can't afford to move out but if I lived on my own I don't know if I"ll ever talk to my family. I never got along with any of my family and none of them really cared about me.

    I mean who cares if they share the same blood when they treated you like shit.

    The problem could be me since I don't believe in real friendship anymore.

  2. #2
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Why do you think they don't care about you?
    (Context: Another forum member who would be happy to cut ties with her family too.)

    And how do you define "real friendship"? What are your expectations that are not being met?
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #3
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Why are they letting someone who obviously doesn't like them live with them? If they didn't care about you they could just make you move out.

    Aren't you kind of taking advantage of them while claiming if you didn't have to take advantage of them you would never talk to them again?

  4. #4
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    My INTP dad doesn't talk much with his family, but we get together maybe once a year for Christmas or during the summer, and I think he's glad he hasn't cut off contact entirely, even though they were very strict and unforgiving in raising him. I think it's prudent to remain in (distant) contact with your parents as long as there's no major conflict if only because family is comprised of unconditional relationships. They're essentially your one given lifeline, and those relationships may become useful at some point - my grandparents have both mellowed out considerably over the years, for example, and my dad seems to appreciate seeing them. But remaining civil doesn't mean you have to be close.

  5. #5
    Senior Member think2much's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Laurie View Post
    Why are they letting someone who obviously doesn't like them live with them? If they didn't care about you they could just make you move out.
    unconditional love

    Aren't you kind of taking advantage of them while claiming if you didn't have to take advantage of them you would never talk to them again?
    unconditional love, what am I taking advantage of? isn't it parents responsibility when they bring someone to this world?
    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Why do you think they don't care about you?
    (Context: Another forum member who would be happy to cut ties with her family too.)

    And how do you define "real friendship"? What are your expectations that are not being met?
    they love me unconditionally and worries about me. Don't wanna type all in what I mean by not caring.

    real friendship is someone who appreciate the real you.

    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    My INTP dad doesn't talk much with his family, but we get together maybe once a year for Christmas or during the summer, and I think he's glad he hasn't cut off contact entirely, even though they were very strict and unforgiving in raising him. I think it's prudent to remain in (distant) contact with your parents as long as there's no major conflict if only because family is comprised of unconditional relationships. They're essentially your one given lifeline, and those relationships may become useful at some point - my grandparents have both mellowed out considerably over the years, for example, and my dad seems to appreciate seeing them. But remaining civil doesn't mean you have to be close.
    My parents raised me the same and they never listen to me or asked me what I wanted. SO in my head that's not caring but they do love me.


    I wish we could delete threads, sorry about making this thread. I had an argument and didn't wanted to deal with them. All my family members don't respect me or ever give my needs so I always feel like they don't care. Talk is cheap, telling me I love you all the time doesn't do much for me.

    EDIT: I'm just as bad as them since I didn't do anything for them and don't really appreciate them. I think I'm bi-polar I always say something and disagree with what I said.

  6. #6
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Parents are not your friends, they're your parents. You sound like you probably make life just as hard, if not more hard for them than they do for you but oh wait, you're the one who won't get any help yet continues to make these threads. BTW, unconditional love doesn't mean what you seem to think it means.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Parents are not your friends, they're your parents. You sound like you probably make life just as hard, if not more hard for them than they do for you but oh wait, you're the one who won't get any help yet continues to make these threads. BTW, unconditional love doesn't mean what you seem to think it means.
    Yes! I echo your sentiments.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by think2much View Post
    I'm living with my parents at the moment cause I can't afford to move out but if I lived on my own I don't know if I"ll ever talk to my family. I never got along with any of my family and none of them really cared about me.

    I mean who cares if they share the same blood when they treated you like shit.

    The problem could be me since I don't believe in real friendship anymore.

    my guess is that you'll probably feel differently when your afar. not to devalue how shitty their treatment of you makes you feel, their treatment of you is probably an expression of what they are feeling, so its one of those cycles that might go on because, hey, hate to break it to you but as an adult you are currently your parent's roommate and they are way too old for that shit (and haven't had kitchen counter sex at noon for how many decades?). t


    he point is - they are people. but the fact is that if they didn't kick you out so far (no matter how much they expressed wanting too), then they have done a good job of accepting themselves as your safety net, and will be their in your future times of need, and don't for a moment think your better then that - its a big world with plenty of jobs to loose, cohabitation to go wrong, divorces to bite your ass, bankruptcies, and probably a few of the less expected like war/famine/the-singularity/whatever... a lot of shit can happen, and you'll be happy to have someone you can trust, no matter how dickish they are about it, because no matter how bad you might think your mother is, life can be a much bigger bitch.

    you'll have your own space, your parents will be far away and not so much in your face, you'r anger towards them will come into proportions, and their expressions will gradually be more in term with missing you and less in terms of get the hell out of here, and after awhile you might even miss them too, as hard as it might be to believe.

    so work your way out to your own life, sit tight and don't burn your bridges.

  9. #9
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    To be brutally honest...inheritance.

  10. #10
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    inferior fe?

    it's family...

    Edit: When I finally got away from my family I was relieved. So much freedom to do whatever I like..

    I went back for a visit though...and it was just awesome. Seeing as they've known me since forever(in my mom's case)...I don't have to be as "on guard" as I do with others. Just little things...I make a joke that everyone gets as I've made the same joke millions of times in different contexts. I say something that would have me back peddling in real life...no one says anything because "that's just the way he is..". My family can banter with the best of them...the rest of the world doesn't even know what banter is...(well, a lot of them, at least). (I think they take it a lot more seriously..)

    No one says anything to me that will anger me (as they know what it is that will anger me)...and if I do get angry, they know me well enough to know why...so I don't have to justify my anger (which happens so much in the real world that it's ridiculous..)

    We have running jokes within the family that never fail to make me laugh (My sister is "bipolar", I "hate" Asian people (I have reasonable arguments..), My brother is a "jerk" (he's very nice, but he hides it...so we play up his "jerk" persona around others, so he has to be nice...which he hates doing because it exposes him..)

    And just other things like the "Guess the next line on TV and get 10 points" game...which is why someone will attempt to predict the next line and shout "10 points" when they get it right.

    Heck, one of the first things I said to my brother when I got back was "I've never noticed it before, but we look a lot alike..."

    My point is, maybe you'll feel differently when you've been a way for awhile...I know I did.

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