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  1. #1
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    Question "My Stormy and Painful Relationship with an INTP Man"

    I am a 33 year old INFJ woman , 2 months ago, met an 40 year old INTP man online. We bonded and connected deeply on how we both are tired of having overly intellectual relationships and are eager to find someone who is truly compassionate, honest and has a great soul. During this time, he was less INTP and more emotional than even me!! we talked about poetry, philosophy... The connection was extraordinary to the extent that he even confessed his love for me when he seemed sincere and pure..... I felt the same but remained more in control of emotions. but have to say despite having romantic relationships in the past ,never felt this way....He is a physicist and is granted a multi million dollar for a project and has a crazy work hours and is under tremendous stress. A few days after the initial meeting on line, while working late hours at lab, he had an heart attack for which I begged him via phone to seek medical help for, as he was trying to minimize the chest pain!! He finally called and was hospitalized for 2 days. The day after his health scare, he said on the phone ( while shouting) that he can't do this..... continue this....... apologized that he is an ass hole for hurting me... I was really sad, and we both cried like teenagers and I said I would like to be a part of his life even as a friend. He left the country for a month and when he came back, called me, we met..... The connection was incredibly intense on emotional , spiritual, as well as intellectual, and physical level.. We didn’t have sex but kissed... He left the country and once again said he will be back in 4 months .. promised to call as soon as he can. when I called him 10 days later, he stated that he will call in 20 days and when he did, he gave me some update about his project..... and that he will be back in 4 months... and I asked him "if he had missed me?"... this is when (similar to the day after his heart attack), he became anxious , stating that he "does not miss me and in fact , he does not love anyone and he wants to be alone!...... But what has been the most hurtful is when he refused to even explain the LOGIC behind his sudden and bizzare change of heart.... I tried to remain as calm as I possibly could, and asked him to at least email, but he refused.... I am very sad not only because of the ending but mainly because now I am questioning the sincerity of his feelings... As an INFJ, (and therapist!!), I have been a great judge of people... I really Need inputs from all, especially INTP men... Thanks
    Last edited by Darya; 06-10-2012 at 03:45 PM.

  2. #2
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darya View Post
    I am a 33 year old INFJ woman , 2 months ago, met an 40 year old INTP man online. We bonded and connected deeply on how we both are tired of having overly intellectual relationships and are eager to find someone who is truly compassionate, honest and has a great soul. During this time , he was less INTP and more emotional than even me!! we talked about poetry, philosophy... The connection was extraordinary to the extent that he even confessed his love for me when he seemed sincere and pure..... I felt the same but remained more in control of emotions. but have to say despite having romantic relationships in the past ,never felt this way....He is a physicist and is granted a multi million dollar for a project and has a crazy work hours and is under tremendous stress. A few days after the initial meeting on line, while working late hours at lab, he had an heart attack for which I begged him via phone to seek medical help for, as he was trying to minimize the chest pain!! He finally called and was hospitalized for 2 days. The day after his health scare, he said on the phone ( while shouting) that he can't do this..... continue this....... apologized that he is an ass hole for hurting me... I was really sad, and we both cried like teenagers and I said I would like to be a part of his life even as friend. He left the country for a month and when he came back, called me, we met..... The conned was incredibly intense on emotional , spiritual intellectual, and physical level.. We didn’t have sex but kissed... He left once again stating he will be back in 4 months .. promised to call as soon as he can. when I called him 10 days later, he stated that he will call in 20 days and when he did, he said some info about his project and that he will be back in 4 months... and I asked him "if he had missed me"... similar to the day after his heart attack, he became anxious .said that he "does not miss me and does not love anyone and he wants to be alone....... But which was the most hurtful was when he refused to even state the LOGIC behind his reason.... I tried to remain as calm as I possibly could, and asked him to email but he refused. I am very sad especially because I am questioning the sincerity of his feelings... As an INFJ, (and therapist!!), I have been great a judge of people.. but I am not sure. I Need inputs from all, especially INTP men... Thanks
    I keep petitioning for a special forum be created for all threads about INTP men because 90% of all typologyy threads involve one of them.

    The best thing you can do for yourself is realize that they aren't worth it and go find yourself someone better or maybe even get a cat or five cats or a baby giraffe.

  3. #3
    Doesn't Read Your Posts Haight's Avatar
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    He's married.
    "The only time I'm wrong is when I'm questioning myself."
    Haight

  4. #4
    Senior Member ZPowers's Avatar
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    His behavior seems very erratic and kind of bizarre. I don't know what if Haight's hypothesis is right, but for this kind of strange, inconsiderate and inconsistent behavior in such a short window I'd guess there's something besides strictly MBTI type to blame (I would guess he is wither personally in an awkward place due to external forces, or an not totally healthy place internally).

    I don't understand this person's behavior very well, so I can't offer much help. I will say since it's only been two months since you even met this and the relationship hasn't become too intimate, he seems distant and callous and is, in fact, far away for the forseeable future, not pursuing this anymore seems like the clear thing to do.
    Does he want a pillow for his head?

  5. #5
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    How INTP of him not to get to a damn ER.

    Mods, don't pay any attention to @Saturned idea. I do not want this place flooded with desperate, unhappy women (and some men) about their INTPs. The advice is all the same, kick their ass to the curb and maybe they will eventually mature enough to have the balls to do what is required to have a healthy relationship with another human being.
    Last edited by Redbone; 06-05-2012 at 05:14 PM. Reason: ugh...too personal

  6. #6
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haight View Post
    He's married.

    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  7. #7
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haight View Post
    He's married.
    That's exactly what I was going to say.
    He was playing for a bit in what if land with you and now he's done.

    Sorry lady I'm sure you don't deserve such bs.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #8
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Darya View Post
    2 months ago, met an 40 year old INTP man online.
    All of that happened in a span of 2 months? (Pfft. And they call ENFPs *fast*).
    I'm truly not attempting to be judgemental here or anything...and I believe you when you say that there is/was a connection...but I wouldn't be wasting my time worrying about someone that I have only known for 2 months. It sounds like he is under a tremendous amount of physical and mental stress. I, personally, would run the other way...but that is just me.

  9. #9
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    Wow... another "this INTP man is ruining my life" thread... it's been like... a week.

    Quote Originally Posted by Darya View Post
    We bonded and connected deeply on how we both are tired of having overly intellectual relationships...

    we talked about poetry, philosophy...


    Quote Originally Posted by Darya View Post
    The conned was incredibly intense on emotional , spiritual intellectual, and physical level..
    Am I missing something, or was this just a Freudian slip?

  10. #10
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zarathustra View Post
    Wow... another "this INTP man is ruining my life" thread... it's been like... a week.
    See!!!

    @Redbone - WE NEED THIS NEW FORUM!!!

    I have proposed this idea before, but it really should be listened to.

    A single forum dedicated to people dealing with INTP men in a relationship situation. But the forum is locked and there is just one thread with one post and that post says "He dun like you. Stop wasting your time."

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