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Thread: INTP mistrust

  1. #1
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Question INTP mistrust

    To INTPs out there:

    I have an INTP friend, and when I first met her, I had this strong impression she was mistrustful of everything and everyone, but only from something in her face, not her words or general attitude. Also, I had friends and family seeing her on photographs, and they all asked: "What's wrong with her ? She looks sad !" My sister even thought she was suicidal. I always had this weird compassion and love for her, feeling that she was carrying deep pains inside, but turns out she has a wonderful family, loves her siblings and had a very normal life.
    When I told her about those impressions from people, she didn't say anything nor contradicted in any way. But she isn't generally melancholic or anything. Indifference is more her thing.

    Here is a portrait I've painted of her so you can tell for yourself. The expression is quite natural. Those who mourn by ~KetsiaLessard on deviantART

    What am I getting wrong or what is real about this ?

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    The Destroyer Colors's Avatar
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    Don't you think there's something incredibly presumptuous about assuming she must be a hurt soul and that you must save/be nice to her? Lots of people have somewhat morose-looking neutral expressions.

    Not that I know. Maybe she does have "deep pains", maybe she doesn't. Why don't you be a nice friend and hang out and enjoy her company without worrying about it? (If it's truly something she wants to share- something she finds it your business to know about- if there is anything to hide, that is, it'll come up of her own accord.)

  3. #3

    Default I think she looks like an INFJ..

    She has the mournful face of one who has deep suffering or depression. Perhaps she had something very traumatic happen in her childhood which she refuses to mention but it has permeated her being.

    I would suspect she is INFJ if you hadn't said INTP.
    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, oil your brain, before it starts to rust...

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Colors View Post
    Don't you think there's something incredibly presumptuous about assuming she must be a hurt soul and that you must save/be nice to her? Lots of people have somewhat morose-looking neutral expressions.

    Not that I know. Maybe she does have "deep pains", maybe she doesn't. Why don't you be a nice friend and hang out and enjoy her company without worrying about it? (If it's truly something she wants to share- something she finds it your business to know about- if there is anything to hide, that is, it'll come up of her own accord.)
    Um...because INFJ's HAVE TO CARE more deeply than that! I am sure she can just be nice and hang out with her but the INFJ's I know FEEL EMPATHY and have to do "more".
    Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, oil your brain, before it starts to rust...

  5. #5
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
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    Some people get very funny expressions when they're thinking very hard, and NTs generally think very hard a lot, and INTs are more likely to be unaware about the world around them when they're thinking very hard and unaware of the expression (and therefore impression) they give to the world.

    I've been asked multiple times "what's wrong?" when I'm just planning a project. Though I can get very upset, I'm not usually upset when people think I am. If I'm demanding more intimacy than usual (hugging, being close, etc.) that usually means that there's something wrong, but most people just think that this is normal or means that I'm doing better than I usually am -- as in, being more confident around other people, even though that's certainly not the case.

    People can be strange sometimes.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

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    Magical Firelie's Avatar
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    I know it's not helpful for the question, but I love your art. I hope you don't mind me adding you on DA...

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    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BookLady View Post
    She has the mournful face of one who has deep suffering or depression. Perhaps she had something very traumatic happen in her childhood which she refuses to mention but it has permeated her being.

    I would suspect she is INFJ if you hadn't said INTP.
    I am INFJ, and I've often misinterpreted things about her, thinking she is more like me than she actually is. If it had only been me finding her sad-looking, I wouldn't say, but other people have seen this in her, so...

    She certainly is an INTP being generally cold and unemotional and a computer engineer on the making. She studied mathematics in college (you know what I mean) and has very little skills for empathy and social stuff, without being malevolent at all. If you give her a hug, it's the weirdest thing ever. I don't know if you ever gave a hug to a plank (she's really thin on the top of that), but that's about what it feels like. But afterwards, she'll say something nice as to compensate for her natural clumsiness with affection.

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    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Firelie View Post
    I know it's not helpful for the question, but I love your art. I hope you don't mind me adding you on DA...
    Thanks !

  9. #9
    Senior Member Priam's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say that I'm mistrustful in many ways, just very reserved. That thought causes me to bring up the fact that a happy, loving home and good life means very little in certain circumstances. For the INTP (and, indeed, some other types) the sense of overwhelming isolation from the happiness around you can be pain in itself. It's not an emo statement, just the truth as I've seen: we're not built for simple happiness. Enthusiasm? Yes. Naivete? On occassion. Contentment? Rarely.

    Happiness? Just isn't often in the cards. I'm rarely anguished... rarely much of anything too intense emotionally, but that sheer even keel can feel like a burden over time.
    "The subject chooses to sit in shadow and search for wisdom by reflecting upon his trial. The problem is not that he is cold and wet, but that cold and wet seems problematic, so he embraces those hardships in order to best them."

  10. #10
    wholly charmed Spartacuss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    Some people get very funny expressions when they're thinking very hard, and NTs generally think very hard a lot, and INTs are more likely to be unaware about the world around them when they're thinking very hard and unaware of the expression (and therefore impression) they give to the world.

    I've been asked multiple times "what's wrong?" when I'm just planning a project. Though I can get very upset, I'm not usually upset when people think I am. If I'm demanding more intimacy than usual (hugging, being close, etc.) that usually means that there's something wrong, but most people just think that this is normal or means that I'm doing better than I usually am -- as in, being more confident around other people, even though that's certainly not the case.

    People can be strange sometimes.
    Well said. It's internal concentration + obliviousness to how it looks outside. To this day, people think I'm upset or in a serious mood when I'm just thinking.
    As for the mistrust... there is that, for sure. An INTP may not be as expressive, so s/he may meet this trait in others with an attempt at objective scrutiny (for motivations, intentions, etc.). The scrutiny can seem like mistrust if it is in lieu of the responsiveness generally expected from humanoids.

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