User Tag List

First 345

Results 41 to 49 of 49

Thread: INTP mistrust

  1. #41
    Senior Member Priam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    272

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    (Is that emoticon ever funny.)
    You once said to me about your INFJ friend: "You're still around, I like you."
    What if she's not around ? You'll stop liking her ?
    How do you explain that ? Cause I've had this fear about my friend...
    I'm gonna answer for Tallulah and say that it's rather the reverse. If I'm still around you, it means you don't aggravate me. If I'm choosing to actively pursue being around you, it probably means I like you A LOT.
    "The subject chooses to sit in shadow and search for wisdom by reflecting upon his trial. The problem is not that he is cold and wet, but that cold and wet seems problematic, so he embraces those hardships in order to best them."

  2. #42
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    (Is that emoticon ever funny.)

    I realize that, and thanks for all the tips. I'm trying hard. Actually, I'm not showing her or telling her a quarter of what I'm writing here. I'm always extra careful not to cross her, because I fear her cold attitude. There has been a time when she was about to tell me something and said : "Don't make fun of me !" Well, I replied in my most earnest: "Laurence, I respect you far too much to make fun of you." Her eyes went all round.

    I know I need to accept her and appreciate her as she is, and I do. It's just so hard to interact with her that I'm looking into all the possible ways to get a better understanding of how to reach out to her. Hurting her would be the last thing I'd want to do.

    You once said to me about your INFJ friend: "You're still around, I like you."
    What if she's not around ? You'll stop liking her ?
    How do you explain that ? Cause I've had this fear about my friend...
    Quote Originally Posted by Priam View Post
    I'm gonna answer for Tallulah and say that it's rather the reverse. If I'm still around you, it means you don't aggravate me. If I'm choosing to actively pursue being around you, it probably means I like you A LOT.
    Ah, okay, I see where you're coming from. And I do agree with Priam, but I'll add this. For you, it seems that you're worried that if you're not actively connected with your INTP, that she's forgotten you and doesn't care as much about you as you do her. I'll clarify by saying that "you're still around" doesn't for me mean, "currently in my face," but rather, "on my radar," or "in my life." I don't feel the need to constantly be in contact, but I'll welcome spending time with you, most likely, unless it feels like some sort of obligation.

    More specifically with the INFJ friend I mentioned in the other thread: I like her lots, we connect very well. I think she's hilarious and very intelligent. I enjoy spending time with her. Here's the problem. She gets very, very paranoid and insecure if she hasn't heard from me in a while. Nevermind that she hasn't contacted me, either. Nevermind that I might have been busy, or figured she was busy, or that I just didn't have anything interesting to say that would warrant a phonecall. Then she'll get worked up and send me an email or a text where she freaks out and scolds me for not staying in contact, (and I'm talking actual scolding here), or makes a passive aggressive remark about it.

    I don't mind hanging out with her at all, but I don't like the feeling of emotional upheaval that sometimes comes with being her friend. If she'd just called and said, "hey, we haven't talked in a while, want to go to a movie?" or something, I'd have said, "Hey, cool, let's do it." But the way she handles it makes me feel like I'd better do something with her if I don't want to get fussed at, and I don't like feeling sort of suckered into hanging out. I just want her to a) give me some credit and b) chill the heck out.

    Truth is, I think of my friends a lot more often than I actually contact them.

    The best thing you can do with your friend is to play it very chill and casual. Don't make every get-together have to ring with great emotional import. She won't forget you when you're not hanging out. And she will appreciate you for acknowledging she just has a different style.

  3. #43
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    595

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    YES.

    You cannot call somebody's emotions 'cute' unless you're trying to get them to stop. For some reason, you can get away with the idea that emotional development is 'cute' and have it be somewhat nonoffensive, but if you do the same thing with competence (Your attempts at competence are really cute!) you'll be perceived as incredibly mean and arrogant.
    Hold on you two with your "cute" term. I never said that. I don't find her cute, I said she was sweet, meaning tender-hearted, which is far from a depreciation coming from an NF. I am reassured that she isn't as cold as she looks.
    If I have a better understanding of the emotional world, she has a better understanding of the intellectual world, and she beats me up 300% at algebra. I don't despise her a drop. We have gifts differing.

  4. #44
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    595

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Then she'll get worked up and send me an email or a text where she freaks out and scolds me for not staying in contact, (and I'm talking actual scolding here), or makes a passive aggressive remark about it.
    You're nice to still be around her... I would never scold, even though I get exasperated from the inside, sometimes.
    I only confronted her once, and all I did was asking her if she was angry at me. I usually play it chill as you say, even if I don't feel good inside about what is going on. I never insist on anything, and I let her have her way when she seems reluctant to interact. But indifference hurts all the same.

    I suppose friendship with an INTP involves a lot of space and distance. I would say it isn't this way with other types.

    I find it funny how you guys hate to be misunderstood but don't like to be figured out by someone who cares either.

  5. #45
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    6,707

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    Hold on you two with your "cute" term. I never said that. I don't find her cute, I said she was sweet, meaning tender-hearted, which is far from a depreciation coming from an NF. I am reassured that she isn't as cold as she looks.
    If I have a better understanding of the emotional world, she has a better understanding of the intellectual world, and she beats me up 300% at algebra. I don't despise her a drop. We have gifts differing.
    The point is that if somebody's trying to develop a skill that's naturally out of their range you can't really give them an indication that you think their attempts are 'cute,' even if that's not exactly what you're thinking. It'll make them stop trying dead in their tracks.

    Most people aren't as cold as they look. In fact, I'd say that coldness is inversely proportional as to how they appear in everyday situation -- no matter how much people won't want to admit that it's true.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  6. #46
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    You're nice to still be around her... I would never scold, even though I get exasperated from the inside, sometimes.
    I only confronted her once, and all I did was asking her if she was angry at me. I usually play it chill as you say, even if I don't feel good inside about what is going on. I never insist on anything, and I let her have her way when she seems reluctant to interact. But indifference hurts all the same.
    Yeah. And that's something that we aloof peeps need to acknowledge, admittedly. If it means anything, I have thought a lot about what you've said, here and in other threads. And I did text her out of the blue tonight.

    I suppose friendship with an INTP involves a lot of space and distance. I would say it isn't this way with other types.

    I find it funny how you guys hate to be misunderstood but don't like to be figured out by someone who cares either.
    Those are two very true statements. And that last one might become my sig.

  7. #47
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    595

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Haphazard View Post
    The point is that if somebody's trying to develop a skill that's naturally out of their range you can't really give them an indication that you think their attempts are 'cute,' even if that's not exactly what you're thinking. It'll make them stop trying dead in their tracks.

    Most people aren't as cold as they look. In fact, I'd say that coldness is inversely proportional as to how they appear in everyday situation -- no matter how much people won't want to admit that it's true.
    If people won't admit your truths, you should try to make them more obvious and "true" to them. Otherwise, don't surprise yourself that you are misunderstood and isolated.
    You're way too cynical for me.

    I never give her indications of that sort, anyway. I just listen. I don't mean anything you're interpreting. That's mistrust.

  8. #48
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    6,707

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    If people won't admit your truths, you should try to make them more obvious and "true" to them. Otherwise, don't surprise yourself that you are misunderstood and isolated.
    You're way too cynical for me.

    I never give her indications of that sort, anyway. I just listen. I don't mean anything you're interpreting. That's mistrust.
    It's just something I've noticed. I haven't shared it with too many people but it's something that people won't admit. Because you're noticing internal weak spots, of course they're going to be touchy -- and I find it's not best to press too hard on these sorts of things unless you're prepared for the consequences.

    KLessard, it doesn't really matter what you think you're doing or mean to be doing, it matters what it appears that you're doing. I'm not there, so I couldn't say. All I'm saying is be careful.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  9. #49
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,710

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    Oh, definitely concentrating.
    Is it true NTs are extremely focused when they focus ? I think it is from my experience. Whenever I talk to my friend and I have good reasons to believe she might be focusing on something in her head, she sort of pushes me aside, refusing any conversation. It can be quite painful to me, because I always perceive it as rejection.

    Oh dear. We do focus and we do push away when concentrating. But why is it something you need to feel pain about? Why would you feel rejected? This has absolutely nothing to do with you. Or maybe you need a project and she is it.

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] INTPs RE: the Telephone
    By Sandy in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 08-16-2008, 03:02 PM
  2. [INTP] Defeatism created by INTP type description
    By ygolo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 07-15-2008, 06:24 PM
  3. [INTP] Rant on INTPs
    By ygolo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 230
    Last Post: 04-11-2008, 11:12 AM
  4. [INTP] INTP Rage
    By Schizm in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 10-10-2007, 10:38 AM
  5. [INTP] Good things about INTPs
    By lastrailway in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 10-01-2007, 11:32 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO