User Tag List

First 2345 Last

Results 31 to 40 of 49

Thread: INTP mistrust

  1. #31
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    PINT
    Posts
    41

    Default

    I would like to say that I'm naturally trustful, but when I think about it I'm not. I don't trust people to do important things for me because "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." I don't trust people to do things for me because in my mind they usually don't do it right. This includes handling emotion. My feelings won't disappear with a cliche quotes and heartfelt sympathies. I have to handle them myself or they won't be fixed. It's the same for the rest of my life too, really, which is bad because I procrastinate as long as possible but don't delegate very often...

    I have an INFJ friend who I've gotten to know better recently and he always seems to be trying to figure me out. It's kind of uncomfortable sometimes, but whatever. I don't have much of a backstory, but if people want to imagine one it's not my problem. I usually fake emotion around an ISFJ friend of mine so he'll leave me alone.

    But back to the point.. no dark backstory, just a less-than-neutral neutral face. When I'm in my thinking mode I don't pay attention to my body very much; however, when I'm pretending to think but really observing the events around me I can perfectly mimic my thinking face and stay under the radar. When I'm thinking I am totally focused on my internal world, but I can hop around from topic to topic while I'm in there and sometimes it's tough to stay on one track.

  2. #32
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    595

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Martoon View Post
    I think I may have just damaged a minor organ or two laughing. Thanks for the new sig material. Though I'm trying to decide between "Hug an INTP; it's the weirdest thing ever" or "Love an INTP; it's like hugging a plank."
    You should see my INTP friend with her "BULLY" t-shirt and her Hawaiian bermudas. It kills.

  3. #33
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    595

    Default Isolation and the need to feel connected

    Quote Originally Posted by Priam View Post
    I wouldn't say that I'm mistrustful in many ways, just very reserved. That thought causes me to bring up the fact that a happy, loving home and good life means very little in certain circumstances. For the INTP (and, indeed, some other types) the sense of overwhelming isolation from the happiness around you can be pain in itself. It's not an emo statement, just the truth as I've seen: we're not built for simple happiness. Enthusiasm? Yes. Naivete? On occassion. Contentment? Rarely.

    Happiness? Just isn't often in the cards. I'm rarely anguished... rarely much of anything too intense emotionally, but that sheer even keel can feel like a burden over time.
    Overwhelming isolation ? That's very interesting.
    I noticed how my friend tends to be interested in popular things sometimes(movies, music) that seem to contradict her style (she's quite a tomboy and went to see a Spice Girls show the other day) and often attends parties with friends, even if she stays in a corner of the room and only interacts with few people. I thought that was surprising coming from her, but I think it is her way to feel connected with people because of her inner isolation. When she attends a big concert with lots of people and later can talk to some more people about it, it allows her to connect.
    I also notice that she won't talk to me about those things. Like she knows I understand and connect with her in a more personal, sincere way, so she feels uncomfortable to connect with me through this artificial mean.
    I thought that was an SP side she had, but when she talks to me about her deeper tastes in arts, I notice how she reveals what moves her emotionally about it and it is often sentimental marshmallow. INTPs take a longer time to reach emotional maturity (I read that in an INTP description) and I think she is working on her emotional maturity.

  4. #34
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    I think facial expressions, etc are not the best ways to gauge INTs. They are usually somewhere lost in their thoughts and can't be bothered with what their face or body language is doing.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #35
    Senior Member Priam's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    272

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    Overwhelming isolation ? That's very interesting.
    I noticed how my friend tends to be interested in popular things sometimes(movies, music) that seem to contradict her style (she's quite a tomboy and went to see a Spice Girls show the other day) and often attends parties with friends, even if she stays in a corner of the room and only interacts with few people. I thought that was surprising coming from her, but I think it is her way to feel connected with people because of her inner isolation. When she attends a big concert with lots of people and later can talk to some more people about it, it allows her to connect.
    I'd draw a line of distinction here. While having a great deal of investment in viewing myself as an intelligent and thoughtful person, I rarely if ever care about what is "cool" for an intelligent person to like. I will listen to Kelly Clarkson next to Belle & Sebastian next to Handel if it intrigues and moves me. I am also quite happy to talk about common interests with anyone (ala your concert point), but never as "small talk". I do not feign interest well, but I can be extraverted in discussing a topic that is real to me.

    In a party type setting I will either make a pro forma appearance and then duck out or socialize with a small corner of people who may rotate out of the larger crowd. I can talk with a great number of people in this manner, but I never go swimming in that ocean. Sometimes, in dark moods, I simply sit deliberately alone and brood.

    I also notice that she won't talk to me about those things. Like she knows I understand and connect with her in a more personal, sincere way, so she feels uncomfortable to connect with me through this artificial mean.
    It's probably not artificial. I know I don't do artificial well. What it can be is a feeling of (to use the metaphor above) swimming in the kiddie pool when you're ready to deep-sea dive: fun and all, but could we expand the horizons a little?

    I thought that was an SP side she had, but when she talks to me about her deeper tastes in arts, I notice how she reveals what moves her emotionally about it and it is often sentimental marshmallow. INTPs take a longer time to reach emotional maturity (I read that in an INTP description) and I think she is working on her emotional maturity.
    Oh yes we're quietly sentimental fiends, though making us admit such can be pulling teeth. It could be related to emotional maturity, but I'd call it simply a desire to call up any emotion. When your groundstate is this baseline hum, any sort of peak or trough is to be savored in itself. On the flipside, I've met INTPs who are incredibly aesthetes with a great eye and ear for art. That's different. If we're passionate about an art, we will know every single corner of art possible and/or be desperately searching for more.
    "The subject chooses to sit in shadow and search for wisdom by reflecting upon his trial. The problem is not that he is cold and wet, but that cold and wet seems problematic, so he embraces those hardships in order to best them."

  6. #36
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    595

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Priam View Post
    I'd draw a line of distinction here. While having a great deal of investment in viewing myself as an intelligent and thoughtful person, I rarely if ever care about what is "cool" for an intelligent person to like. I will listen to Kelly Clarkson next to Belle & Sebastian next to Handel if it intrigues and moves me. I am also quite happy to talk about common interests with anyone (ala your concert point), but never as "small talk". I do not feign interest well, but I can be extraverted in discussing a topic that is real to me.
    She certainly doesn't care about what's cool, and has the attitude you describe here. I don't mean there are intelligent or cool things to be interested in, but it is surprising coming from someone who displays a style that would generally be opposed to these things. I was wrong to say she had an artificial way about it, because I have rarely met someone with such integrity as my friend.
    I do find her sweet when she reveals her sentimental marshmallow because it reminds me of myself when I was in an earlier stage of my emotional growth. NFs have gone through easy sentimentalism but have generally grown to see these things as unrealistic, and so it eventually takes deeper, true sentiment to reach out to them. It also comforts me to see she isn't as cold as she seems.

    But are there moments when you feel the need to connect ? Does your isolation get you there sometimes ?

  7. #37
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,028

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    She certainly doesn't care about what's cool, and has the attitude you describe here. I don't mean there are intelligent or cool things to be interested in, but it is surprising coming from someone who displays a style that would generally be opposed to these things. I was wrong to say she had an artificial way about it, because I have rarely met someone with such integrity as my friend.
    I do find her sweet when she reveals her sentimental marshmallow because it reminds me of myself when I was in an earlier stage of my emotional growth. NFs have gone through easy sentimentalism but have generally grown to see these things as unrealistic, and so it eventually takes deeper, true sentiment to reach out to them. It also comforts me to see she isn't as cold as she seems.

    But are there moments when you feel the need to connect ? Does your isolation get you there sometimes ?

    I know you have good intentions, but I gotta warn you, she's gonna clam up if she perceives that you see her emotions as cute, like when a baby learns to talk.

    We just have a completely different way of relating to the world than you would, and we don't always see all emotional displays as being good, or even necessary. It's important that you don't impose/project your worldview on her.

  8. #38
    Don't Judge Me! Haphazard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    ENFJ
    Posts
    6,707

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I know you have good intentions, but I gotta warn you, she's gonna clam up if she perceives that you see her emotions as cute, like when a baby learns to talk.

    We just have a completely different way of relating to the world than you would, and we don't always see all emotional displays as being good, or even necessary. It's important that you don't impose/project your worldview on her.
    YES.

    You cannot call somebody's emotions 'cute' unless you're trying to get them to stop. For some reason, you can get away with the idea that emotional development is 'cute' and have it be somewhat nonoffensive, but if you do the same thing with competence (Your attempts at competence are really cute!) you'll be perceived as incredibly mean and arrogant.
    -Carefully taking sips from the Fire Hose of Knowledge

  9. #39
    Rats off to ya! Mort Belfry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    1,237

    Default

    She looks fine. Maybe you just annoy her a lot.
    Why do we always come here?

    I guess we'll never know.

    It's like a kind of torture,
    To have to watch this show.

  10. #40
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    595

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    I know you have good intentions, but I gotta warn you, she's gonna clam up if she perceives that you see her emotions as cute, like when a baby learns to talk.

    We just have a completely different way of relating to the world than you would, and we don't always see all emotional displays as being good, or even necessary. It's important that you don't impose/project your worldview on her.
    (Is that emoticon ever funny.)

    I realize that, and thanks for all the tips. I'm trying hard. Actually, I'm not showing her or telling her a quarter of what I'm writing here. I'm always extra careful not to cross her, because I fear her cold attitude. There has been a time when she was about to tell me something and said : "Don't make fun of me !" Well, I replied in my most earnest: "Laurence, I respect you far too much to make fun of you." Her eyes went all round.

    I know I need to accept her and appreciate her as she is, and I do. It's just so hard to interact with her that I'm looking into all the possible ways to get a better understanding of how to reach out to her. Hurting her would be the last thing I'd want to do.

    You once said to me about your INFJ friend: "You're still around, I like you."
    What if she's not around ? You'll stop liking her ?
    How do you explain that ? Cause I've had this fear about my friend...

Similar Threads

  1. [INTP] INTPs RE: the Telephone
    By Sandy in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 08-16-2008, 03:02 PM
  2. [INTP] Defeatism created by INTP type description
    By ygolo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 07-15-2008, 06:24 PM
  3. [INTP] Rant on INTPs
    By ygolo in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 230
    Last Post: 04-11-2008, 11:12 AM
  4. [INTP] INTP Rage
    By Schizm in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 10-10-2007, 10:38 AM
  5. [INTP] Good things about INTPs
    By lastrailway in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 10-01-2007, 11:32 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO