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Thread: INTP mistrust

  1. #21

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    Outward appearance doesn't always reflect who you are on the inside. Unless you are crying.

    I think people do think about what the answer is first, to confirm it's true to a certain extent. That's in a way seeking for security...;
    you mistrust first, and then trust, after finding that it's a valid answer.
    Some find security more quickly than others.
    Se, Ne, Ti, Fi
    I must be a freak of nature, according to the MBTI. I kinda like this.

  2. #22
    Junior Member WillMagic's Avatar
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    I know that I get comments like "What's wrong?" all the time when I'm thinking. People say I look sad, when I'm totally fine, I'm just focused.

    And yeah, the chit chat thing. If I'm in a group that is just talking about banal stuff, I find myself withdrawing from the conversation and/or stepping away.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    To INTPs out there:

    I have an INTP friend, and when I first met her, I had this strong impression she was mistrustful of everything and everyone, but only from something in her face, not her words or general attitude. Also, I had friends and family seeing her on photographs, and they all asked: "What's wrong with her ? She looks sad !" My sister even thought she was suicidal. I always had this weird compassion and love for her, feeling that she was carrying deep pains inside, but turns out she has a wonderful family, loves her siblings and had a very normal life.
    When I told her about those impressions from people, she didn't say anything nor contradicted in any way. But she isn't generally melancholic or anything. Indifference is more her thing.

    Here is a portrait I've painted of her so you can tell for yourself. The expression is quite natural. Those who mourn by ~KetsiaLessard on deviantART

    What am I getting wrong or what is real about this ?
    Very nice piece... you're quite talented.

    Having painted my share of portraits, it appears to me the sole "sad" feature is the eyebrows. Some people have that supportive muscluture and doesn't mean she is actually sad. If you cover the eyebrows, you will see that her mouth actually turns up slightly and removes the "sadness." I've seen the same thing in those who's mouth naturally turn down but the eyebrows are usually more significant.

  4. #24
    The Destroyer Colors's Avatar
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    I don't mean to be harsh, but it does seem that perhaps you're romanticizing this "mistrust". I'm not saying you're necessarily wrong, but it seems to cheapen your friendship if you approach it in that manner.

    ... I can identify with what a lot of the INTXs have been saying on this thread. I've found in my friendships with female Fs that I'm not really good at expressing emotion in what might be considered a genuine way- what I feel, I generally verbalize or perform in a humorously exaggerated manner- which can be confused- for meanness when I'm neutral/apathetic and for flatness when I'm emotional.

    I was going to say that all types can be mistrustful, but then I remembered the incredibly gullible ISFPs I've known.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by quietgirl View Post
    Back on the topic of mistrust...

    I find one of the things my INTP best friend (and an INTP ex boyfriend) have in common with SJ's I know is a sense of mistrust. I feel the two INFP's I know have this quality as well. It makes me think that it's stemming from Si - especially since in each instance of mistrust, it seems to be stemming from a past experience. Maybe a Si/Ne cycle where the options of what could happen based on what has happened turns into a mistrust of the unknown?

    Thoughts?
    Most INTP's behavior is going to be based on logic or that which can be proven. A person is not trustworthy based on wearing a uniform, having a high-up position in a company or having a ton of money. An INTP would find a person trustworthy because they've witnessed that person exhibit trustworthy traits. If you were to ask an INTP if he trusted Bob, he might say no. He may prolly answer, "It's not that I don't find him trustworthy, I just don't have enough data to base my conclusion one way or another."

    INTP's will prolly be this way on a lot of issues, especially regarding the judgment of people. Having underdeveloped F's, INTP's will base a lot of their conclusions on what they believe are logcial conclusions when others acting out of their F is often alogical. "Sally didn't include me in the e-mail about changes to the proposal. Sally knows that I am the one who has to make the textual changes. Therefore, Sally wants me to fail."
    ++++++++

    A better indication of mistrust would be seeing how the INTP speaks of and/or treats other people. Look for pattern or consistent behavior. Like it'd be more reasonable to assume distrust if an INTP is taking checks from everybody except Helen who has to pay with cash, than it would be to observe an INTP laughing and joking w/one person on a bus and then barely say two words to the next person who sits down and believe the INTP doesn't trust that second person. For example, it just could be the second actually makes the INTP more comfortable and allows for the INTP to zone out thinking of things.

    People always want to make assumptions about me based on my appearance. One person will say I thought I was sad, another will say angry, another will say peaceful, yet another will say lost or lonely, it never ends. Generally, I'm fine. That's how I feel, fine. This doesn't seem to be good enough for some people, so they'll needle and prod until I tell them to leave me the F- alone. And then they're still convinced that something was the matter all along.

    If your sullen INTP friend isn't looking for anything or asking for anything, I'd prolly say she's fine and you should just leave her alone. We actually like that very much.

  6. #26
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cypocalypse View Post
    Klessard,

    Seeing that you're an INFP, here's what I can suggest:
    !!!
    My dad and sister are INFP, and I suspect I have INFP tendencies too, but I definitely need closure and security of determined decisions. I am actually hurt by people who don't keep their word or say: "we'll see." I always see it as if they don't care enough to invest time and energy in it.

    But thanks for all the tips. I don't like chit chat myself and love to speak of deep things (I'm INF, you know, I'm not superficial). But when I start talking deep with my INTP, she often just listens and doesn't participate much. We don't know and care about the same things, I guess.

  7. #27
    Aspiring Troens Ridder KLessard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Colors View Post
    What I feel, I generally verbalize or perform in a [...] manner which can be confused [...] for flatness when I'm emotional.
    I've had this impression with her, that when I was emotional and showing how much I cared, she would appear "flat," justement. I thought perhaps she was moved, only she didn't want me to see it, and would insist on looking independent and in total self-control.
    NTs don't realize how NFs can be affected and insulted by this. It feels like trying to melt and iceberg.
    But then again, I understand this attitude if they perceive it as the F trying to manipulate their emotions, because I detest it myself. I hope she never thought I was trying to manipulate her, because I wasn't. I was totally feeling what I was saying.

  8. #28
    Lex Parsimoniae Xander's Avatar
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    INTP = Thought and emotion existing separately within the same head.

    Mistrust? It's the question which drives us, the constant search, looking everywhere for the next clue or snippet of information. Of course we scowl... you try studying things in such minute detail and see how constipated an expression you get after a few years of it!!!

    Isn't it time for a colourful metaphor?

  9. #29
    perdu fleur par bologne Martoon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KLessard View Post
    If you give her a hug, it's the weirdest thing ever. I don't know if you ever gave a hug to a plank (she's really thin on the top of that), but that's about what it feels like.
    I think I may have just damaged a minor organ or two laughing. Thanks for the new sig material. Though I'm trying to decide between "Hug an INTP; it's the weirdest thing ever" or "Love an INTP; it's like hugging a plank."
    I'm not a procrastinator. I'm a long-term planner.

  10. #30
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
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    I would say that you could avoid a lot of heartache by not expecting your INTP friend to be like you. I love my F friends, but it drives me crazy when they try to assign emotions to me that they feel like I must be repressing. One friend of mine was particularly bad about that. She'd project her emotions onto me. So if something annoyed me, and I was just venting or trying to get things out in order to frame them in my mind and get input from an outside source, she'd later tell someone that I seemed so hurt and angry about the issue. Nope. If I was hurt and angry, I'd probably go off somewhere by myself.

    I have a couple of NFJ friends who constantly ask me questions. I know they're just trying to feel close to me and get to know me better, but it makes me feel like I'm on display or something. I tend to feel more comfortable sharing things about myself as they come up organically in the conversation. I don't like being asked a lot of personal questions or "feely" questions, b/c they make me feel weird.

    I think if you just chill a bit and try not to expect your friend to act like you would, she'll eventually open up to you more. I really doubt she's got some deep seated, dark, sadness locked up inside. We really aren't as aware of our emotions as y'all are. They're kind of like white noise that you can't really pinpoint until you absolutely have to.

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