Okay, so I'm trying to figure myself out lately. Suddenly everything makes no sense to me, and I'm really trying to make sense of it all. My moral values are very tricky and they change with the wind. I seem to be an ENTP personality type, but I am much more moral than most ENTP types. However, when I break a moral value I don't feel a sense of conviction, but more of a sense of fear.
I was brought up in a ridiculously religious Christian family, and they installed in me very heavy "Christian morals". I was ridiculously religious as a child, but I'm not really that really that religious now. I mean, I keep the religion, but I wouldn't call myself a "Jesus Freak" or anything like that by any means.
Anyway, my parents really seemed to use the mental, "stick" method in order to control me as a child and I really didn't realize it. Whenever I would do something that they deemed bad, they would say something to the affect of "God will severely punish you for this" or some bullshit like that. Anyway, I believe myself to have a very heavy enneagram 6 fixture and may very possibly be a core 6. So when they said this it really messed me up, because my mind naturally thinks of like 1000 different ways that God, Karma, or whatever could punish me for my wrong doings.
This was a very big problem for me, because it really affected my life in every situation. I would constantly be in situations where I had to "so called" sin, but others would give me reassurance that I was "sinning" for good reason. In fact if I didn't get other's reassurance then I would believe that I would somehow be "punished" for my wrongdoings. For example, I would be in sales and I would lie to people all day long to sell products. Now when I had others around me to reassure me that lying wasn't really bad to sell the products because it really wasn't hurting anyone, then I felt fine with it. I just said to myself, "I lie in order to sell, and I sell in order to survive. The job market is tough, and I am doing this to survive. So therefore, I am doing nothing wrong."
The thing is though, that I seem to need others around me to dictate my moral values. I really don't like moral values to tell the truth, and would prefer to just do what I think each situation calls for. In fact, many times I think that one has to do what society would consider bad, in order to do good in the long run. My question is though, what is wrong with me? Is this just a case of me needing to develop my Ti and I am letting Fe dictate my moral values? Also, is there maybe some Si poking it's way through? Could this be a 6 thing as well? What the hell is wrong with me?
@Nerd Girl and @Elfboy you may want to check out this thread as well.