User Tag List

First 23456 Last

Results 31 to 40 of 56

  1. #31
    Junior Member Vague's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    10

    Default

    Dear andante,
    I'm an INFP in love with a weird INTP. In some ways I find us very similar, the only difference being that I study Literature and he is into Physics, I'm aware of my feelings but he's so detached and confused that it pains me. We met on holidays and started travel-dating (yeah, that thing exists). We've been mailing each other for almost a year now but we have met only few times IRL. He has done everything in his power to make me go away. Literaly, he has tried every possible turn-off method. He even disappeared completely once and a common friend told me that he had hooked up with an old friend of his but that it wasn't serious. However, when he was dumped sortly after he re-appeared... He has made it clear that he wants no strings attached, he is very aloof and writes one mail every fifteen days. That's all the contact we have. When we meet though, it's an explosion of chemistry: sharing the same bed is great, communication is great, it all feels like the "real thing". But don't get fooled, it is NOT, at least not from his viewpoint.
    I'd say INTPs are wonderful, honest people. I believe it's worth giving them a chance. They have amazing depth, brilliant minds and a great capacity for affection. They just prefer to lock themselves up and play the lonely drifters. My F/T is pretty balanced (most tests rank me as intp but I know I'm Fi dom) so I can understand them and in many ways I feel similar. I'm usually depressed, avoidant and alone. I'm not a happy-go-lucky person. But inside, I feel the need for a deeper connection with another human being, I believe in the value of love and intimacy. When I decide to let myself in the hands of love, after having made sure that the person is worthy of my feelings, I accept the risk of getting hurt and just hope for the best. INTPs don't do that. They are opportunists and they put their own emotional comfort and safety above all. They won't get out of their way to love you, even if they might be having strong feelings for you. They will choose convenience over feeling, logic over emotion. They'll never say "I love you" because they know they cannot accept this statement as true. If they don't know how to trust those feelings, they will fear and avoid them. They will shun you too, because you are the source of turbulence. It's a paradox how their "rational love" prevents them from making promises they cannot keep, mainly because they know they are selfish and that they will eventually hurt you, so they do not want you to get attached to them. And they usually do hurt you.... One day they may disappear, leaving no traces of blood behind. They will assume you'll be fine, you'll just move on and forget about them as they will easily forget about you. They have no guilt because they made no promise. But your heart will have been murdered.
    So if you were unlucky enough to fall for one those guys, stop day-dreaming, brace yourself with patience and prepare for impact....
    xx,
    an INFP in love

    PS I don't mean to sound so terribly pessimistic, in you case, not being LDR above all, it could work out

  2. #32
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Vague View Post
    When I decide to let myself in the hands of love, after having made sure that the person is worthy of my feelings, I accept the risk of getting hurt and just hope for the best. INTPs don't do that. They are opportunists and they put their own emotional comfort and safety above all. They won't get out of their way to love you, even if they might be having strong feelings for you. They will choose convenience over feeling, logic over emotion. They'll never say "I love you" because they know they cannot accept this statement as true. If they don't know how to trust those feelings, they will fear and avoid them. They will shun you too, because you are the source of turbulence. It's a paradox how their "rational love" prevents them from making promises they cannot keep, mainly because they know they are selfish and that they will eventually hurt you, so they do not want you to get attached to them. And they usually do hurt you.... One day they may disappear, leaving no traces of blood behind. They will assume you'll be fine, you'll just move on and forget about them as they will easily forget about you. They have no guilt because they made no promise. But your heart will have been murdered.
    The INFJ chick from the other thread needs to read this.
    It's all true. Probably the best analysis of INTPs (not) in relationships I've read yet. Right up until the "heart murder" part. That's probably (classic NF) overkill.
    Also, I wouldn't say we "easily forget" as a rule.
    Other than that, full marks.

    PS I don't mean to sound so terribly pessimistic, in you case, not being LDR above all, it could work out
    This genuinely made me laugh out loud.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  3. #33
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,422

    Default

    True for her INTP, probably. But I have before, and can again if I want, completely include another person into my personal little comfort zone if I have feelings for that person. Granted, I would only be able to do that with one other person. I also know that INTP can feel a lot of heartbreak if they are so close to someone and lose them.

    But it's true that it doesn't last as long as some other types. Reminders can still hurt for quite some time though.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  4. #34
    meh Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx/sp
    Posts
    10,540

    Default

    refers you to your own sig...
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  5. #35
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    8,193

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    True for her INTP, probably. But I have before, and can again if I want, completely include another person into my personal little comfort zone if I have feelings for that person. Granted, I would only be able to do that with one other person. I also know that INTP can feel a lot of heartbreak if they are so close to someone and lose them.

    But it's true that it doesn't last as long as some other types. Reminders can still hurt for quite some time though.
    I don't know. Reading that, sort of gave me the shifty eyes, and wonder who the hell let her in to our meetings. Because a lot of it rung true and makes up the majority of my... hesitance in relationships, not just romantic.

    There are times where you feel entirely unworthy of love not because of a low self esteem or a self hatred of any kind, but simply because if I have to be honest with myself, I wonder if I can truly ever give someone what I think they deserve, if I will ever be able to just let go of that need to hoard time and space, that pristine safety of an isolated mind. So you think just running away and having them forget would just be easier for everyone involved, and that other person would be free to find someone who can give them what they need.

    But then you sort of snap out of it and realize you just have to try anyways.

    Might be different for you though! You 9s were always the meldy/merging wackos



  6. #36
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    9 sp/sx
    Posts
    9,422

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post

    Might be different for you though! You 9s were always the meldy/merging wackos
    Mhm, the problem with me is getting up to that point. There's only one person so far I've had that experience with and that was quite some time ago. Anyhow, with work being much slower the past few days I'm seriously considering putting myself out there again . It's been on my mind anyways. :P

    As you know I've had a hard time with the family business and it required a lot of my attention for the past year, as seen by me dropping in and out of this forum. But the past week or so, and what is expected at least the next two months, will be very relaxing and easy going for me. Not to mention we're out of the financial rut now.

    Think I'm up for some change...
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

  7. #37
    Tempbanned
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sx/so
    Posts
    8,162

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    True for her INTP, probably. But I have before, and can again if I want, completely include another person into my personal little comfort zone if I have feelings for that person. Granted, I would only be able to do that with one other person. I also know that INTP can feel a lot of heartbreak if they are so close to someone and lose them.

    But it's true that it doesn't last as long as some other types. Reminders can still hurt for quite some time though.
    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Might be different for you though! You 9s were always the meldy/merging wackos
    Yeah, all I'm really seeing here is the difference between enneagram 5s and enneagram 9s...

  8. #38
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,879

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    I don't know. Reading that, sort of gave me the shifty eyes, and wonder who the hell let her in to our meetings. Because a lot of it rung true and makes up the majority of my... hesitance in relationships, not just romantic.

    There are times where you feel entirely unworthy of love not because of a low self esteem or a self hatred of any kind, but simply because if I have to be honest with myself, I wonder if I can truly ever give someone what I think they deserve, if I will ever be able to just let go of that need to hoard time and space, that pristine safety of an isolated mind. So you think just running away and having them forget would just be easier for everyone involved, and that other person would be free to find someone who can give them what they need.

    But then you sort of snap out of it and realize you just have to try anyways.

    Might be different for you though! You 9s were always the meldy/merging wackos
    I can identify with this as well especially the temptation to do the bold part. I hoard my time and space, my thoughts, and especially my emotional energy. I am also very intense and try to keep it shielded. I dislike showing it out of fear of rejection. I'm also afraid that it will obligate me to show it on a regular basis which is something I cannot do since exposing it makes it burn out very quickly and it is slow to be replaced. And yet, I deal with reoccurring bouts wanting to show that intensity, share it with someone.

    @Vague that was really good.
    Last edited by Redbone; 06-18-2012 at 08:47 PM. Reason: Distracted by listening to music.

  9. #39
    Junior Member teleforce's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/sx
    Posts
    26

    Default

    he's in love with you when he says he's in love with you.
    INTP 5-4-8 sp/sx chaotic neutral AWESOME

  10. #40
    Junior Member Vague's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    10

    Default

    @Salomé Glad that an INTP finds my observations quite accurate. Yes, I would agree that you may not forget that easily. I know one other INTP who was deeply hurt after his gf left him for another guy. He got severely depressed and it took him two years to get over it completely. But after he was over it, he never looked back.

    As for my "Shakesperean overkills", well, I can't help falling in love with words sometimes...

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] How do you encourage an INFJ, or, How do you know if an INFJ has lost interest in you
    By Spring in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 03-29-2013, 09:52 PM
  2. [ISFP] How do you know an ISFP women loves you?
    By Kambro in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 44
    Last Post: 06-13-2010, 12:30 AM
  3. [ESFJ] How do you know an ESFJ is interested?
    By lifeintechnicolor in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-22-2009, 04:17 AM
  4. [NT] How Do you Tell an INTP from an ENTP prof?
    By Usehername in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 11-08-2007, 01:51 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO